The lasting trauma of male survivors of childhood sexual abuse

coastal

Registrant
When I read things like this it makes me mad, for a therapist to tell you that because you are gay it made you a target shows pure ignorance.
I'm not sure it is pure ignorance when you look at the statistics. Statistics gathered in Canada indicate 48 percent of self identified homosexual men were sexually victimized before the age of 18. That is voluntary reporting so that only includes those gay men who understand that what was done to them was abuse, it does not include those who believe they "got an early start" or any over the other beliefs to avoid reality. If those people were added into the statistic it would not just be outrageously sad it would be devastating. I believe my vulnerability was preyed upon by a predator and I believe I was in large part targeted because of my sexuality. I believe this to be not so uncommon.

HOWEVER>>> The therapist going on to say anything about girlishness or anything of that form beyond pointing out vulnerability is totally not useful and could be damaging for sure.
 
Last edited:
@coastal
I wasn't really clear about the ignorance I referred to. That is blaming the victim for the abuse. that is not only malpractice but ignorance.
 
Last edited:

coastal

Registrant
@coastal
I wasn't really clear about the ignorance I referred to. That is blaming the victim for the abuse. that is not only malpractice but ignorance.
I hear you entirely on the victim blaming aspect of that therapists horrible conduct, it is totally wrong.
Being as we know that perpetrators prey on vulnerability there is a level of wisdom in the understanding that there are few more vulnerable than self aware gay kids.
 

EQCR

Registrant
The idea that a person can be turned gay is part of the destructive concept that sexual orientation is a choice. It is not. Sexual orientation and sexual behavior are two distinctly different things. If it was true that same sex sexual abuse can turn you gay than it would be equally true that opposite sex sexual abuse would turn you straight. As a gay man and thirteen year survivor of opposite sex sexual abuse I can tell you it did not turn me straight.
 
I'm late to this discussion but it is very apropos of my experience, which was complicated by the fact my mother molested me when I was still in a crib, using a silk petticoat to stimulate my genitals. That silk petticoat became a fixation for me and if I recall rightly, when I was out of the crib I went to her dresser drawer to find it. Whether I took it I don't know. I do know that when I was twelve years old and asked to babysit a neighbor girl I went immediately to the parents' bedroom and pulled out the woman's lingerie and masturbated with it. The woman had been my fixation for some time as she mowed the lawn in halter top and short shorts. For the next three years I broke into neighborhood homes to steal lingerie. I did the same thing later even though I had a lovely girl friend with whom I was having great sex. The last time I broke into a home I was arrested.

Add to that the fact neighbor boys and adults sexually abused me from around age three to age seven when I was raped. This contributed to my experience later of being drawn to video arcades and eventually engaging in anonymous sex with men hanging out there obviously looking for exactly that. So I could be cross-dressing or having anonymous sex with men, both behaviors I now associate with the early abuse. But needless to say, confusion about sexual orientation and gender, have been part of my journey. I'm fascinated by transsexuals and that featured in my use of porn. Of course, I'm only interested in pre-op trannies. It seems in an ideal world I would be both sexes and have sex with both sexes. Try managing that while being married. It doesn't work.

So I'm here trying to put all the pieces together and they don't seem to fit. What is healthy sexuality and who do I partner with to have it? My one attempt at sex with a man away from an arcade ended the instant I felt whiskers on my cheek. I don't really think the gay life is for me. Being asexual seems to work best.
 
I just wanted to report that writing what I did above was very unsettling for me yesterday. Even as I write this I feel a bit dissociated. I know the behavior that flows from those early experience was a prime means I used to avoid the terror that was inside me from the very beginning of my life. I also know from what I've been learning about trauma, that the only solution is in learning how to be the grownup in my life, to take care of matters that might frighten me RATHER than indulge in old behaviors that offer no possibility of healing. I need eternally to come back to this moment, back to myself and to care for myself rather than abandon myself in fantasy or sexual acting out.
 
It is definitely counter-intuitive after decades of running away from feelings I couldn't really identify but that doubtless were stirring me up. It is a bit like using food to comfort myself, something else I've done over the years. it becomes second nature, so without thinking about it I'll turn to food, or to pornography. Granted, my food has been pretty clear for a couple of years and I've stayed away from porn for perhaps eight months. That's probably one reason I find myself at this site looking for alternatives to running away...
 
Top