The Joke (a poem I wrote, not a joke) TRIGGERS
Jacob S
Registrant
This is about someone I used to know, not me. But it hurts.
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THE BIG JOKE
The joke is that you were 7 years old.
The joke is that he was your baby sitter
The rape joke is that you were into wrestling.
Get it? Wrestling. How cliche is that? Your hero was Hulk Hogan.
The joke is that it felt good to get attention. The joke is no one else talked to you like he did. The joke is you saw his pubic hair and you were jealous. Yeah, you were jealous. The joke is you didn't look away.
The joke is he always asked if it felt good. The joke is he always got you hard. The joke is he did everything he could to make you happy about all this. The joke is you never complained.
The joke is all your firsts were with him. The joke is it went on for years. Your first orgasm. The first time you tasted cum. The way the plywood smelled in the little shed the first time he came inside you.
The joke is 4 years just passed in 10 lines.
The joke is there was blood in your underwear. That's funny, right? Isn't that the kind of thing people laugh at when they see?
The joke is when you were 11, he finally moved away. The joke is everyone thought you were sad to see him go.
The joke is that he was only five years older than you. The joke is no one ever saw him as an adult. The joke is you don't know how to look at any male without thinking they want something from you, or how to get them to leave you alone.
The joke is children don't cry and scream at times when adults do.
The joke is when you did tell your mom, she didn't care. The joke is she told you it was just experimenting. The joke is that instead of brining her into your knowledge, she lead you into her denial.
The joke is that you always thought it was a big mystery why you were so depressed. The joke is you almost died from the meds they gave you to keep you from comitting suicide. The joke is your mother committed suicide and no one ever knew why.
The joke is it all came back to you when your son turned seven. The joke is he was just as little and small and wanting attention. The joke is you couldn't look at him without thinking about your past.
The joke is that you put a gun in your mouth. The joke is you made it through that day. The joke is that you went to therapy and found friends and played Tori Amos and cried and laughed and learned how to hug.
Is this a joke at all, is the question.
You can't really know if a joke is funny until the punch line. The set up just gets you interested. What's the pay off? What's the funny part?
The joke is you were the best parent you could be. The joke is you knew you had a tendency to disconnect, so you tried double hard to show him proper love. You give him good hugs and made him safe and let him know he was special and no one would ever hurt him. For years of your life, giving him everything you never had.
And then when your son was 11, you shot yourself in the head.
=======TRIGGERS============
THE BIG JOKE
The joke is that you were 7 years old.
The joke is that he was your baby sitter
The rape joke is that you were into wrestling.
Get it? Wrestling. How cliche is that? Your hero was Hulk Hogan.
The joke is that it felt good to get attention. The joke is no one else talked to you like he did. The joke is you saw his pubic hair and you were jealous. Yeah, you were jealous. The joke is you didn't look away.
The joke is he always asked if it felt good. The joke is he always got you hard. The joke is he did everything he could to make you happy about all this. The joke is you never complained.
The joke is all your firsts were with him. The joke is it went on for years. Your first orgasm. The first time you tasted cum. The way the plywood smelled in the little shed the first time he came inside you.
The joke is 4 years just passed in 10 lines.
The joke is there was blood in your underwear. That's funny, right? Isn't that the kind of thing people laugh at when they see?
The joke is when you were 11, he finally moved away. The joke is everyone thought you were sad to see him go.
The joke is that he was only five years older than you. The joke is no one ever saw him as an adult. The joke is you don't know how to look at any male without thinking they want something from you, or how to get them to leave you alone.
The joke is children don't cry and scream at times when adults do.
The joke is when you did tell your mom, she didn't care. The joke is she told you it was just experimenting. The joke is that instead of brining her into your knowledge, she lead you into her denial.
The joke is that you always thought it was a big mystery why you were so depressed. The joke is you almost died from the meds they gave you to keep you from comitting suicide. The joke is your mother committed suicide and no one ever knew why.
The joke is it all came back to you when your son turned seven. The joke is he was just as little and small and wanting attention. The joke is you couldn't look at him without thinking about your past.
The joke is that you put a gun in your mouth. The joke is you made it through that day. The joke is that you went to therapy and found friends and played Tori Amos and cried and laughed and learned how to hug.
Is this a joke at all, is the question.
You can't really know if a joke is funny until the punch line. The set up just gets you interested. What's the pay off? What's the funny part?
The joke is you were the best parent you could be. The joke is you knew you had a tendency to disconnect, so you tried double hard to show him proper love. You give him good hugs and made him safe and let him know he was special and no one would ever hurt him. For years of your life, giving him everything you never had.
And then when your son was 11, you shot yourself in the head.
