The importance of words

[crisispoint]

Brothers and sisters,

Survivors, as well as those who love them, are no doubt aware of how what is said to them affects their mental health as much as, if not more than, the abuse itself. Negative stuff hurts and sets us up for more abuse. But, as I found out recently, good comments can more than start to make up for all the bad crap they've said.

A friend of mine who wishes to become more (and I'm inclined to let them ) told me that I was good looking last night. This hit me like a ton of bricks.

Good looking.

They even said that I was "sexy."

Sexy.

After years of being told, as a kid, that I was ugly, and being told I was "sexy" by abusive people, this was different. This felt good. And after asking repeatedly if they were serious, it made me look at myself in the mirror in a whole new way.

Yes, I am heavy, and yes, I have imperfections, but, truth to tell, I am good looking. I deserve to be told, and complemented, how good I look.

We remember what's said to us. Good stuff is so important to healing. Both sides need to remember this, and tell the people in their lives just how good they are as much as possible.

All of us need to say these things, and hear these things, more often.

Peace and love,

Scot

 

[Bill_1965]

Amen.

 

[Tabor]

You are so right! Everyone likes and needs to be complimented, to know theyre special, to be recognized for something good.

Good for you!

 

[SAR]

Scot,

Not only do we deserve to be told good things about ourselves, but we deserve to hear them when they're said. I'm glad that you are giving yourself permission to hear the good words the way they're meant. I'm glad that you're letting yourself be one-half (for me, and I think for you, the more difficult half) of positive, genuine communication.
Good luck with your friend.

SAR

 

[Leosha]

Originally posted by crisispoint:

Yes, I am heavy, and yes, I have imperfections, but, truth to tell, I am good looking. I deserve to be told, and complemented, how good I look.

Scot, I responded to this when you posted about it at the Male Survivor forum. But, I reread this, and I am SO very proud of you for saying this!

I have spent so many years avoiding looking in the mirror, even showering in the dark or with my eyes closed, to avoid seeing myself, after all the years of being called 'fat' and 'ugly'. I have no pictures of myself at home, although through my girlfriend and several other friends, I have quite a few on the computer. You have inspired me to try to look at those and not think of myself as 'fat' or 'ugly', but somewhat, maybe, sort of 'good looking'! How is that? haha.

Thank you friend,
Leosha