The Hurt
A brief history - At age 6 I was molested by my hero My uncle, somehow I managed to tuck that away for a long time. At 15 another Adult male took more of my youth from me. I never had the guts to tell anyone and throughout my childhood I was self destructive until I joined the Army and found a purpose and was able to tuck those nightmares so deep in my mind that I actually managed to forget for all these years I never went to counseling and never told a soul about what happened.
Well after 2 failed marriages (self destruct) I am currently on my third marriage of 12 years to a wonderful women. I am now seperated due to to my self destructive nature. I never put 2 and 2 togather as to why I would destroy something that was so good. Last night talking to my best friend of 24+ years I asked him what he thought was causing me to act out the way I do. We are like to peas in a pod. We think alike (sex,sex,sex and more sex- Which I didnt think was abnormal- hell we are guys) and he confided in that he had been to therapy many years ago when we were both in the Army because he had been molested as a small child, well as you can figure that was a trigger for me it all was sureal. We talked about how we acted out as kids, drinking-fighting and such(Birds of a feather flock togather). He was my 1st admission to anyone and it felt good to be able to tell someone. I called my wife as soon as I hung up( to ensure I had the balls to tell her) that I didnt know if it was the root of my issues but a definite start.
Well the next morning I called her to tell her I did some research on the subject and it all fell in place. I then reminder her to please not tell anyone as this subject had powerful issues.
Well she didnt tell anyone directly! She confided our nieghbor who just happens to be the local Glady's Cravits. I asked her what she told her and she didnt want to say I started to get upset and said if this marriage is going to work there has to be some privacy in our conversations. I told her that I wasnt talking about what I did to cause the seperation, but what we had come to agree that what we needed to do to try and fix it.
Well she finally told me what she said and the one that devistated me was the I had some serious childhood issues to deal with! Well that set me off I asked her " ask your self what SERIOUS child hood issues are) She came up with physical abuse and molestation. And now the town cryer has this info!
I am devistated! What I had managed to hide, What I thought was partner/confidante had betrayed me! I had told 2 people the night prior and the next morning my world came crashing down and that dirty, used, worthless emotions set in.
After I sat in the corner (in a ball)for an hour I finally got up and searched the internet for some help. I know I need counseling/therapy and am going to seek that, but my issue is the betrayl that I feel for my wife. Knowing that the neighbor hood now has a new topic of conversation and its a juicy one. I do not want to hear her voice or see her face. I refuse, I feel like she now has a part in the disgusting acts.
Is this so abnormal?
Well after 2 failed marriages (self destruct) I am currently on my third marriage of 12 years to a wonderful women. I am now seperated due to to my self destructive nature. I never put 2 and 2 togather as to why I would destroy something that was so good. Last night talking to my best friend of 24+ years I asked him what he thought was causing me to act out the way I do. We are like to peas in a pod. We think alike (sex,sex,sex and more sex- Which I didnt think was abnormal- hell we are guys) and he confided in that he had been to therapy many years ago when we were both in the Army because he had been molested as a small child, well as you can figure that was a trigger for me it all was sureal. We talked about how we acted out as kids, drinking-fighting and such(Birds of a feather flock togather). He was my 1st admission to anyone and it felt good to be able to tell someone. I called my wife as soon as I hung up( to ensure I had the balls to tell her) that I didnt know if it was the root of my issues but a definite start.
Well the next morning I called her to tell her I did some research on the subject and it all fell in place. I then reminder her to please not tell anyone as this subject had powerful issues.
Well she didnt tell anyone directly! She confided our nieghbor who just happens to be the local Glady's Cravits. I asked her what she told her and she didnt want to say I started to get upset and said if this marriage is going to work there has to be some privacy in our conversations. I told her that I wasnt talking about what I did to cause the seperation, but what we had come to agree that what we needed to do to try and fix it.
Well she finally told me what she said and the one that devistated me was the I had some serious childhood issues to deal with! Well that set me off I asked her " ask your self what SERIOUS child hood issues are) She came up with physical abuse and molestation. And now the town cryer has this info!
I am devistated! What I had managed to hide, What I thought was partner/confidante had betrayed me! I had told 2 people the night prior and the next morning my world came crashing down and that dirty, used, worthless emotions set in.
After I sat in the corner (in a ball)for an hour I finally got up and searched the internet for some help. I know I need counseling/therapy and am going to seek that, but my issue is the betrayl that I feel for my wife. Knowing that the neighbor hood now has a new topic of conversation and its a juicy one. I do not want to hear her voice or see her face. I refuse, I feel like she now has a part in the disgusting acts.
Is this so abnormal?
