The Holidays Are Coming - Help!

[Green]

This is my first year out of the closet with regards to my mother sexually abusing me. "Out to the closest" means that I told myself, my wife, and my therapist. (Not much, but better than nothing.) My mother is dead so I don't have to deal with exchanging Christmas gifts with my abuser, but the encroaching holidays and their memories are taking on a whole new meaning this year.

I don't really know where the holidays are going to take me, but I suspect a not very nice place mentally.

That, coupled with my T going on a two week vacation over the holidays has me concerned.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this matter?

Green

 

[Bill_1965]

Green,

The holidays are normally rough times for many. It intensifies the feelings of loneliness and magnifies your perception of your shortcomings. Any negative feelings that you carry with yourself seem to grow during this season.

Last year was my first year "out of the closet" as you called it. Except my wife wasn't the least bit supportive and used it as a reason I shouldn't be allowed to see my son. That made it a very hard holiday season.

But with the season there are so many reasons to be joyous. Try to think of these and be grateful for them and enjoy the season.

Bill

 

[MrDon]

The holidays are a rough time for me and they are alread hitting me pretty good. The thing I keep focusing on is Dec 26th - the day when it is all over for a year. I know that no matter what, I just have to make it to Dec 26th and then it is over. There is usually a big relief for me at that point as well.

With all of that said, I am trying to do things that I once liked to do as a kid like making christmas cookies.. I'm going to try and put some lights out in the front of the house this year for the first time.

I keep trying but it ain't easy for me especially if there are gift exchanges... too triggering for me. Probably Jeff and I will do our thing together which means go to the beach and then eat at our favorite little diner on the beach...

Don

 

[andrew51]

Christmas can be a very warm and comforting time, and it can also be stressful. Good and not so good memories are brought to the forefront. Sometimes careful planning can be helpful in terms of making it easier to deal with the relatives and all their expectations. Schedule the day, be where you want to be, when you want to be. Do what you want to do. And when all else fails, treat yourself to a decent bottle of liquor and rent a movie. Peace, Andrew ..... Merry Christmas

 

[duncan]

i think now you can have a real christmas - not one with people who only care to harm - this past year i had a real holiday - have wonderful holiday - it will be painful maybe - but at the same time it is now yours to enjoy -

 

[Brayton]

I still haven't come out to my mother. I am certain that she will deny some of it, claim ignorance of other parts, and offer all sorts of excuses for the rest.

I don't know that I want to avoid her altogether but my sisters are helping me avoid going to the small town she still lives in where most of the abuse occurred. Going there would mean encountering all sorts of anticipated and unanticipated triggers.

I like Andrew's suggestions and will try to follow them myself.