The high price (personal) of membership (may trigger)

The high price (personal) of membership (may trigger)
K

Kenn

Registrant
I recently received my MS membership package. (Thank you.) I even got a t-shirt for a retreat that I did not attend :) I now feel like I have taken my place here as a member.

Each of us pays a high personal cost to join this wonderful group. We use words like "robbed", "stolen", "abused" and "exploited" to describe years that society tells us should be "the best years of our lives". (Sorry if I seem to be quoting "Victims No Longer" but I'm getting into the book like never before!)

As people hear my story I am often left with the impression that they are surprised I did not check myself out of this life long ago. Well, I guess that's part of what makes me a survivor - I have come through too much to let any abuser's crimes taunt me for eternity.

I've shared how I "survived" through self-destructive behaviours. It's time I patted myself on the back for some of the things I have done, and characteristics I have tried to build, that were not so destructive.

(1) I am a good listener.
(2) I try to channel the energy within my anger into passionate causes.
(3) I try to be honest, without necessarily disclosing so much that I hurt someone else.

I have weaknesses, there's no doubt about that. However in emptying out some of the pain I can make room for happiness.

Now if only I could get used to the idea of acquainting myself with my childhood self.

Kenn
 
Young Kenn's waiting for you, he ain't going away.

Dave
 
Kenn,

Now if only I could get used to the idea of acquainting myself with my childhood self.
Click to expand...
You just did!

Is this not the kid we all are inside?

Pat yourself on the back, you survived!

Your inner child is safe now, he can come out. Let him play, he can't be hurt, he looks after you, I am sure of that. He looked after you, and you looked after him, you never let him down, and he sure wont let you down.

Isn't this what drives us on, when all else seems to go wrong?

My inner child has cared for me, he is the will to live, I will never let him go, and he will not let me go. We have gone through so much together.

He carried so much pain then, but he survived.
He gives me so much to carry on for, as he shows me how much an abused boy can carry so much care into the World.

We truly can be so unique, in our understanding of life, Why? Because not many have been there.

take care

ste
 
Kenn

Your post - is very deep. And I mean that in a complimentary way. I read it - 3 times - it moved me. Very Deep reading...and that's good. You have an ability to write - and we hear you.

You are....a Survivor.

Your whole mental attitude - speaks clearly of this.

And so -
Re: "I can make room for happiness."

Yes - Yes - Yes you can...and you are....making room.

When you say:

"I try to channel the energy within my anger into passionate causes."

Think of this - from my friend Dale Carnegie:

"I am deeply convinced that our peace of mind and joy we get out of living depends not on where we are, or what we have, or who we are, but solely upon our mental attitude."

AND

"A man will find that as he alters his thoughts towards things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him"

AND

This is my favorite.

"I have succeeded in overcoming my fear of loneliness, my fear of want. I know now that I can live one day at a time - and that:

Every Day Is A New Life To A Wise Man."

Peace. Out.

Neil
 
Kenn - I found the 12 year old version of myself by writing to him on my PC.

Part of what I did was to finally forgive him for what happened. The format was basically question & answer, with either the 47 or 12 year old version of myself asking/answering. It may sound strange, but I know that others here have done the same thing. I didn't think about what was written, but just let it happen naturally. It was surprising to myself at how much this helped me - maybe it could also work for you....just a suggestion.

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Hey Kenn,

At my first retreat, we wrote letters to ourselves. I chose to write from the little me to the big me. The key was to use the non dominant had to do the writing so the letter came out more child like.

that exercise was a real breakthrough for me, I was able to re-connect with the little me and sort of became whole again.

It was a wonderful experience. Give it a try, you may learn something about yourself!

Take care,
 
Kenn,

I had the opportunity to do what Roland talked about at my retreat this last weekend.

I wrote to my little guy. Realizing that he had been alone and scared for so long. He needs my love and support.

Try either way. Write to your little one (with your dominant hand) or let the little one write to you, using the other hand. Once started, I think you will find the words just flow.

Peace,

Marc
 
Marc and Kenn, don't just stop at writing. Give him some crayons or paint, and just see what he does with it. Let the child paint with the less dominant hand, just let your mind be that of the kid,

ste
 
Good suggestions, all. Thank you!

I'll let you know how Kenneth acts on them :)

Kenn
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top