the forms we took on

[markgreyblue]

here in toronto - i have encountered different things -

as for all that i wrote today - at the end of the day - very exhausted but anxious to continue -

i sat for a moment in my living room on the floor
in the corner - hidden from the view of anyone
seeing in through the windows - and i had an existential thought -

i was staring at the blank interior of my apartment - and thought about

the design thing -

i really don't like it - i could do it

but i don't want

i was ignore the most of my life -

i sat and did art to survive -

to grow to learn -

i watched people and thought about why they did things


i was yelled at and would hide

now i am here - i

took on these forms of do or die politeness

and why was i doing them ?

they were done to survive

but what artifice

i am confused - my brothers here mean something to me - and yet i know now that the here and now relationships have to be more of a focus -

as they will yield the work - and all the time relationships
that will nouture me outside of this site -

now i am thinking what to do -

and i can do - just i do not know what that will be

ttyl

mark

 

[BinMichigan]

MGB -

"now i am here - i

took on these forms of do or die politeness

and why was i doing them ?

they were done to survive"

AMEN Brother!

We did what we needed to to survive and I still do to this day. It is confusing to say the least, but I just wanted to say you are not alone in being confused on why we "act". I am still trying to figure it out myself.

I know it is not much help, but my two cents.

 

[reality2k4]

Mark, hey what is it about an abused boy, that he is so polite to others after being through so much horror!

It is a survival thing, if I remember, I always thought yeah, so I will be just so nice with folks, but they like me and trust me for that open honest me, who helps anyone out.

It is sure bad when you meet so many losers on the outside, who try and throw all of their problems onto everyone.

Hope you find a job you love, and many friends there,

ste