The Doormat

[Dan99]

I'm such a doormat. When I go back over my life, time and time again I've yielded on so many choices that involve how and where I live my life it's depressing me right now.

I've always followed the philosophy that the trick to being happy isn't doing what you like, it's finding a way to like what you do. But I look at my situation now and I feel like all this has done is make me a pushover, a helper for others to follow their dreams.

Maybe I'm just old, but these days I feel like the world's biggest sucker. I don't know why I'm putting this out here because I have no solution. Thanks for listening.

 

[Greg56]

I used to be and feel that way...since my "recovery" as I call it, I don't do it anymore. I found that it was counter productive. I don't want or need any else's drama to make me "feel better" about myself. I also don't need to fix everyone around me. I'm learning to say NO! I find that the people I know, create their own problems.

Although I do wish that I could fix or at least help people here, as I know what they are going through, and they did not create their problems.

I'm divorced after many unhappy years. I live by myself. After my "recovery", I remodeled my home, decorated it myself and am thrilled with it. I don't need someone to tell me how to live my life. Or to change my life to fit their needs.

I hope that you can eventually feel the same way.

Greg

 

[Ceremony]

You're not alone Dan99. Definitely not alone. In the world of those who give lectures about self actualizing, taking the power back, being assertive and all that jargon, my take is... what the hell?! To me, I see my life as constant missteps, accepting what some boss tells me is my fate. What I get paid, where I am working, what I am doing. I give myself to the task, made/make little and am very disappointed. I feel used.

The same with friends, family and sometimes acquaintances. Where something seemed it might be fun, but turns out to be a significant imposition on my time, and my life. I can give too many stories about my time and needs being given away, and creating some harm to myself. I would dismiss myself, dismiss my needs, putting others, who are obviously more important, above me.

Here on MS, I'm starting to see I'm not alone, and have a voice now. I've waited so long to express these things and be among men who get this stuff, that the writing that resonates with me, moves my response/s. I know I write a lot, and it's a huge need, that I can't explain, other than to state that. I really need to write and beg to be given the patience of brothers here who still wonder about me. I seem to chime in everywhere. I am grateful that so many connect to me, as I do to them. Very, very grateful.

Blessings brother.

 

[genedebs]

Hi Dan, Greg, Ceremony:

You call it being a doormat. That is not my experience.
Sure, I cared for my mother and demonstrated proof that my performance proved sh was a good mother. Incorporated my parents into the family life. Accepted the disinterest in sex on my wifes part, most years living with once a month or less. Committed to keeping the roles and priorities we agreed to when we married. She violated almost every one of them. I didn;t maximize income, did not know it was a problem till we were more than 20 years married. She got to stay home with the kids, work part time at half pay at the school.

I got sober, she did not. I paid for the kids 4 years of education in college plus their health insurance. etc. etc.

But I acted as I believed in campaigns, jn "anti= poverty work" etc. etc, What I had to show for it was being there in lost causes, and getting things done that no one appreciated, but I believed.

By any useful standard I was"helper for others" I;v been a push over, I am divorced (she kept the house and 75% of th equity though I paid the down, and made 75% of the money while we lived there.Everything felt like a significant imposition in my life. I was underpaid, most goverment workers )not feds) are.

But what I did accomplish was getting 10,000 people directly or indirectly jobs, So, Although financially and relationships I have not much to show for it, I did what I believed in.

Too many stories and needs given away ans some harm to me. Just as Ceremony saysI am gretful to be here at M S where I may be disabled but I am connected.
It was all O K

I walk with God

 

[Dan99]

Thanks for the feedback, fellas. Interesting to see differing perspectives on the issue.

When is sacrifice and putting others first noble and when is it foolish? So hard to judge. When I wrote this I was depressed and thinking negatively. Today I am a bit more positive. I can regret the choices I've made, but at least I think I made them out of charity and generousity.

Take care and thanks again.

 

[AuthenticMe]

Hi Dan,

That's an excellent and ultimately personal question. In some situations, I have definitely given away my power to people out of a sense of desperation and desire for some type of karmic protection. I have also made career and personal choices out of a deep sense of obligation and calling to help others. The intent is what separated them.

I think genedebs gave excellent perspective on it all. If you can look back and see that you've helped people, you've lived well.