The dentist - TRIGGERS

The dentist - TRIGGERS
B

beachman

Registrant
I'm back. That's good, but I wish I didn't need to be here. Recently I wrote here about anticipating the fifth anniversary of being raped by another man. I also have a history of childhood sexual abuses. Anyway, I filled my days with lots of good stuff and I made sure I was taking care, which I did. Yesterday, I had to go back to the dentist to have some work completed. It turned out to take over two-and-a-half hours! The trauma returned. The dentist even commented about how I was trying to turn away and at one point I did not open my mouth. There was even a point when the dentist and assistant discussed how "soft" the molding for the impression was and how it had to "get hard" in my mouth. I even tried not to swallow. I felt as much like a captive as I did five years ago when a man tricked, trapped, and raped me. I know it was different but still it pains me. Yes, I can go on, but it's enough! Yes, I got through it. I used practically every bit of survivor work I have learned over the years. At one point, when the pressure on my chest was as unbearable as it could be I think I disociated for a while. Last night my mouth and back hurt so bad I couldn't find a comfortable position. I did what I had to do today, but the effort and energy it takes to move through the reminders and the pain are phenomenal. I would sleep except I don't want to dream.
Well, thank you for reading through. And I hope the warning of "Triggers" helped you on selecting to read this.
Steve
 
Hi Steve - Thank goodness for the survivor tactics you've learned over time. I suspect that, now that it's over and you've been able to get this much off of your chest, you'll be able to calm down soon, slowly, but soon. Maybe find something mindless to do. Rent a silly movie or do some gardening or just take a long walk while concentrating on your breathing. Good for you for making it through...believe it or not, it sounds like good news from this end.

I once had a dentist drill through my tooth and into my gums, another time a dentist pulled my abscessed tooth without the benefit of Novocain. As a result I haven't been to the dentist in more than 15 years. I even pulled two of my own wisdom teeth once they were ready to come out. So trust me, your story is a success story. Thanks for sharing. - John
 
Steve, I went through something similar to that.
I dont go to the dentists, they scare the Hell out of me, and I hate anything in my mouth.

I kept getting recurrent abscess in my mouth, and the dentist x-rayed it, and phoned the hospital to get a polyp taken out of my gums, because it was sitting on a main nerve.

A whole row of my teeth, including a wisdom tooth had to come out, and it was starting to really hurt after two hours on local anaesthetic, but the doc said I would die if he gave me more.

I sprayed the nurse with blood, because they could not stop the flow. Wow, it was like being tortured, but I am sure glad I had it done.

It was more than torture to my mind, this irrational fear of dentists and doctors, but my dentist knows my probs.

A note to John, yes, I had a dentist who pulled my teeth and filled them without anaesthetic, he clamped my mouth open, the screams were terrible.

How barbaric is that to a kid???
I had my share of dentists, but now I found a good one, and I am still scared, but not as scared as I used to be,

ste
 
ste = I was a kid when the drilling accident happened. The look on the dentist's face was enough to scare anyone. He just kept filling my mouth with cotton and pulling out again just as quick. He couldn't keep up with the blood. Wonder where my parents were that day? I know they didn't do anything afterwards in my defense, the dentist was their friend, afterall.

I was in my early 20's when the quack decided to pull the abscessed tooth. Even I knew at the time that you don't pull an infected tooth. The pus from the infection can go straight to the brain and kill the patient. The Novocain wouldn't take because of the infection, asshole pulled it anyway. If I wasn't so traumatized I would have knocked him out. My wife drove me to the liquor store, bought me a bottle and brought me home to nurse myself to sleep. Needless to say, I did not pay the dentist for that particular procedure.
 
Thank you both. It had been over five years since my last dental appointment. I "had" to go because a tooth broke one day, withno warning, and so I was in need.
I appreciate the suggestions and the empathy. I wish I could feel more at ease with my mouth.
Steve
 
Hello Steve:

I agree with the others. You did really good gettng through that dental visit. Triggers and all! Good for you.

I know this is probably not the place to share dental horror stories. Like you really need something else, Steve, to be paranoid about. But I have to tell you of an experience I had a long time ago. But be warned, it gets a little graphic and may trigger. Okay? Here goes...

This close female friend of mine insisted that I go see her dentist. I was low on funds at the time and she said that it was no worry, her dentist would make arrangements and he was marvelous!

Well, it was really bizarre. So bizarre that I couldn't talk about it for a long time after. But not only did he not offer me any flexibility with regard to payment, he said something I found very unprofessional.

Geez...even now this is still embarrasing. But here goes...

He was looking at my teeth and all the cavities I had. And then, as if he was casually talking about the weather, he said, "Are you gay?"

That question startled me. I mean, this was before the AIDS epidemic and any concerns about HIV. But I didn't mind telling him the truth.

"Yes," I said. "I'm gay, why do you ask?"

"Well," he replied, "Do you have much oral sex?"

Oh, my God! I wanted to crawl under that dental chair. Did I have much oral sex? What kind of question was that?

But I figured he must have an important reason for asking this question. So very shyly, I nodded my head.

Can you believe it? This guy wasn't through probing into my sex life. His next question was, "Well, do you swallow the come?"

I kid you not. This well-respected dentist, with an enormous staff, and a very fancy office in an upscale location in the heart of downtown, really wanted to know whether I swallowed or spit it out. Now forgive me if I am grossing you guys out. It's just this has been bothering me for many, many years.

Anyhow, he asked me again, "Do you swallow the semen?"

Absolutely red-faced by now, I nodded once again. If I had any sense, I should have got up from that chair and ran. After all, he had already made it clear that I couldn't afford his services. And he wouldn't be accepting me as a patient. So what legitimate purpose did he have for this strange line of questioning. But what he said next, totally floored me.

"Yes," he said, "I could tell you probably have lots or oral sex and swallow lots of semen. I could tell that from those cavities. You see, it's true what they say....the more you swallow, the more they are hollow."

Speechless, I just got up from his chair, thanked him for his time, and quietly left his office. To this day, I still feel like I entered the Twilight Zone when I had that dental exam. But back then I was too naive to recognize it for sexual harrassment. And I should have filed charges with the board of dentistry.

Sorry, Steve. Maybe it doesn't help to hear that. It's just that when everyone started talking about dentists, I was reminded of that incident.

Am I nuts? Or was that totally unethical? Seriously, I would love to know what you guys think? Back then, when I told my female friend what he said, she thought he was just being helpful. Oh, my God. Is that sick or what?

Thanks for listening,

Jasper
 
OK. I started to exhale again! What a terrible ordeal for you. Yes, he was totally unprofessional and unethical. Good that you survived it. You're not nuts, by the way! Often people think it's okay to joke or poke fun. It's not helpful and it's not funny.
Take care.
Steve
 
Going to the dentist is almost impossible for me. I get triggered so badly and recall hands on my face and all the rest of it. I simply can't get past all that.

Jasper, summer is now upon us here in Germany. So let me get my ticket arranged and we will go visit that dentist. We'll ask him if he swallows and then feed him his drill! :)

Larry
 
Hey, I like that idea, Larry! He wasn't joking either when he asked all that stuff. Ever see the movie "The Marathon Man" with Dustin Hoffman? Where they think he knows a secret about some diamonds, so a sadistic dentist sticks him in a chair and starts drilling into live nerves? That is what I would like to do to that dentist. Actually, that's what I would like to do with most perps in general. So when we get through with that dentist, let's go back in the time machine and take care of your scout leader and my older brother.

Now that's my idea of a summer vacation!!! ;)

Thanks for making me smile. I got really furious again just thinking about that sick dentist. And I needed a chuckle.

Take care,

Jasper
 
I can think of a few people i would like to do that to, but i am not sadistic enough ;)

My dentist drove around in a big flash car, paid for out of the money he saved on novacaine.

I wonder whether he was trained by Japs, that is all I thought at the time, whoa, what an experience it was, a poor kid in absolute terror. :(

ste
 
All this talk about dentists!! When I posted originally, I was making my connection with that recent trauma. I didn't realize how many of us have suffered in one way or another from dentists. Sorry.
Maybe at some future point I can ask a question of a more personal nature. I am vague, I know, but still not comfortable. Also, is there a more private forum? Thansk.
Steve
 
Steve - It is odd sometimes, that we all have such similar reactions to the abuse we suffered. Every time I think it's just me, that I have some weird quirk, like not going to or fearing the dentist, it turns out that others here are experiencing the same thing. I told my wife about the dentist thing this AM, she shook her head, neither of us had ever made the connection before.

I read a post here not too long ago about triggers. One trigger for another member was breathing other people's air. I thought I was the only one. I actually hold my breath when I walk by certain people. Silly I know, but what a relief, of sorts, to realize I was not the only one who did this.

As for more privacy, there are Members' Only forums for paying members. I never post there or even visit there. I like to be here to greet the newer guys and they can't be found in the Members' Only forums. But feel free to PM me anytime if you need an ear. I'm a good listener and might have something to share. Thanks for posting, hope you're having a good day. Peace - John
 
Steve,

the dentist is a HUGE trigger for me. I go for yours between going to the dentist, even to have my teeth cleaned. I finally went two years ago, but told them I need the happy gas. At first I was reconsidering on that even, that perhaps I would feel loss of control if they use that. But it was helpful to me. I did not remember the parts of the visit that would normally trigger me.

I am glad you got through it, but I hope that it is easier in the future. Take good care.

Leosha
 
I am afraid of any form of being put out, although within the past year I had to go under anasthesia. One time I brought a friend so I felt a little safe. The other time was for a test (I forget what it's called) but it was to check my upper g.i., and right before they put you out they insert a tube! It was very difficult for me, and I ended up seeing a former trauma expert who had helped me after the rape andthen I spoke with the gastro doc so he would be more aware and careful. He was pretty good with me as I talked to him about waking up too soon after and having the tube brought out of my mouth with his hands near my face.
Sorry for the detail, my brothers, but it helps me.
 
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