The beginning!

The beginning!
N

Naihtstar

Registrant
Hey i will written a little bit over the beginning from all... i mean the first bad Experience in my life... whis this Person.

It is Freidy and i sit at home and wait of this Men. At this time i licke him manny why he do manny for me and whis me. And at this Weekend he will go whis me at this Weekend house, i`m very happy that i can do it whis him.
Oh he comes the Bell rings and i open and than we go to his car and drive in this Direction.
We must drive so 30 min and so 10 min befor we are at his Weekend House he asks whether I have courage. I sai yes and he sai cool so put of your Jacked, Sweater, Shirt, Shoes and Socks. Hm i sai hm wai i mean it is Winter and coldly. He sai hey you have sai you do it and hey you trust me ore?
... I think my answer was my biggest Error.
Why i sai yes and do what he sai. I was coldly and i blush me a little bit. Than he stoped and sai oki trust me. And than he binds my hands on the backs and connects for me the eyes. My heart struck fast and I had something fear. But it knaebelte me also still. I had fear. Then we drove on and balt arrived we. I did not even know where I was and me was very cold. It oefnete my door and said which I out pastes is. I made that and my feet did pain, the soil must from completely rough stones have been. I could not go fast however it drew me somewhere and committed myself my arms was so firm above. I had much fear, I was only 10 and looked forward on a beautiful weekend however not to this. But it came still many more badly, it got i think like a water hose and made me wet with ice-cold water from top to bottom. Then laughed who and left, I heard only one door and stood there wet and freezing. I dont know how long, but i have think it was manny Houres i stand so and cry than he comes and bring me in the House. And because I cried struck it me in the face and said I was to stop to cry. But I could not and he struck further everywhere to I was quiet. Then he, it said to me will show which obedience is and in 2 days I everything will make. I had fear, frozen and cried quietly and me did all pain. It must have been and it already in the evening pulled me again out to a Pit. I had to clean-place myself and it was many more deeply than I large was. Then it closed the cover and left themselves untouched there in such a way. Before he said course it still which it me tomorrow early come back and who will teach to me he is and who I am. Then it was involved and a little bit later i lose my control.

Hm this was first part from this Weerkend and i have think it dont can be badlyer but no next Day i comes harder and harder.

i will written it in some houres for you. Please anderstand me i must have a break it is very hard to written and think on this all.
 
Naihtstar.

That must be very hard to write and think about. I am sorry but I dont think I understood it all, I understood enough of it to know that you were only ten years old and that I dont think it would have mattered what you said when he asked did you trust him. He had all the power; there was nothing any little boy could do to stop him. He sounds like an absolute monster. Such cruelty is beyond words.

I hope it helps a little to write this terrible stuff here.

Take care,

Rustam.
 
First: Thanks for your Word!

Hm i know my english and the Translator make it relativ hard for you all to understand yes.

And: Hm MOnster? I think this is not true Word oh yes whan you have read my Post yes is true Word but whan i sai hm he has the wrong "religion" and he has manny "frinds" Mens and Womens he do the same and whan i sai not only in my Country hm than i cant sai he is me Monster no i cant sai to that he is a Humans.
I dont know what he is and whan i sai this what i written in this beginning post is 1 day from 7 Years in my life and the Harmlessly from all what i have experienced than it is hard ore never to understand for outher user i think.
 
I understand how difficult it can be to think of all this and try to say it in a second language. I am fortunate enough to be rather comfortable with English at this point, so it is not so much the struggle it would have been a few years ago.

I am very sorry for what has been done to you. I was ten years old also when the sexual abuse from outside the home began. You were a small child, and no matter what answer you give to him, nothing would have been different. As Rustam says, he had the size, he had the power, he had the control of the situation. You were an innocent child, and could not prevent what happened.

I hope you continue to find this site helpful to you. I wish you well.

leosha
 
I feel I understand very well the feelings you are trying to describe.

It is difficult in any language to express the inexpressible fear and shock at betrayal like this.

It is important that you are coming here to write about this. Here is a place where men will understand the feelings of your heart, even if some of the words of the story are strange.

Our stories are all the same in the most important way. The details are varied, but they all tell sad stories of the abuse of power by those bigger, stronger or older than us.

This is a very important step for you in the process of healing the terrible wounds inflicted on you through no fault of your own.

I am very proud of you for taking this step.

Please do not let minor difficulties with language stop you from continuing to tell the story of your life.

Your willingness and courage are an inspiration to others and also a great relief and comfort to yourself.

The minute we begin to tell what has happened to us with someone who understands, it is at that minute that we are no longer alone.

You are not alone any longer, my friend. And you never have to be alone again. And you never have to go through the experience of being alone and afraid and abused.

Because now you have opened up and let others know.

That will make all the difference to you and to others also.

There is no timetable for this process. Please do what feels right to you when it is time.

We are here to listen, to understand and to reassure you.

I am very glad you are here and I encourage you to keep coming back.

P S Your English is about 1000% better than my German!!! You're doing great. D
 
Hello Naihtstar,
I am very sad for you. This is a terrible thing you speak of. I am glad that you are here to speak of it though. To share this pain is to make it less. Your English translation is fine. I think we can all figure it out okay. Take your time and write when you are ready. We will be patient.
Brokentoys
 
Naihtstar,
The words you speak, the horror you speak of needs no further translation. You are a survivor in any language. I am shocked and so sorry that you suffered at the hands of this terrible, inhuman creature. To refer to your perpetrator as a human is to give him a dignity he doesn't deserve. Welcome to this forum, and I hope you find some peace in telling your story. Peace, Andrew
 
Thanks all. Yes first time it was Horror later my normely life. I must fast learn to survie and you see i have learn it fast.
Never i will ore can forgive this Peoples no never. But on one Day i will that i can sai: I can life whis my younger years i can life whis all what was.
And this i must now learn but it is hard i must learn so manny in my 23 Years but only 3 ore 5 % was realy nice thinks. :(
 
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