The Abomination. Paul Golding

[Lloydy]

Paul Goldings first novel is a work of fiction, but just how fictional is hard to tell.
It tells the story of a boy born into a privelidged family in Spain, his life in an English boarding school and his life as a young man in the London gay scene.
The book is finely written and deals with his early abusive experiences and the young mans battles with his sexuality in such a way that I felt it never wandered into the realms of pornography, although it is extremely graphic, and could easily trigger memories and emotions, it did with me. I was abused at boarding school.
But I personally got more out of it than it risked taking away.
It's a fine novel, and I'll leave you with this quote, it sent a shiver down my spine,and it still does.

"All I can feel is the tremor of his fur,and the assumption of his beard, hovering over me, over my ear, too closely in fact, and audibly demurring but ultimately finding the courage, he now whispers to me those words which have been whispered since time immemorial, the fatal line that this is, must be, cannot but be, and I must never, ever forget, our special secret.
I do not flinch. I could not for the life of me.
And then he goes and shows me, proves it all to me. Bequeaths me the very world. Undoes me. I have never cared less. Take this, all of you and eat it; this is my body which will be given up for you."

Lloydy

 

This certainly lays bare the question of whether homosexuality is genetic or induced from an outside source. I hav'nt read the book but I'm wondering if the boy's experience was with someone his own age or with an older man. Question is of course what would've happened to the boy had not the homosexual encounter occurred? Would the boy had remained heterosexual or was it already programmed into his genes to become homosexual? And do older homosexuals view a group of boys and instinctively pick out the most vulnerable among them? There are huge questions here,unvoiced.

 

[Lloydy]

Tinfoil
The battle the boy, and later the young man, has with his sexual preference is the main theme of the book. He is initially seduced by older boys- he's 7 or 8 and they're teenagers. Later it's men when he's a teenager.
But he has definite affectionate feelings about other men, even from an early age, something I sense lacking in some SA victims who have doubts about which way to turn.
It would be wonderful to study the demographics. I would suspect that they might show that the ratio of genuinly gay / bi / straight people is the same for SA victims and non victims.
My view is that gay people have affectionate feelings and desires - love. SA victims in confusion have a misplaced lust.
And "yes" to the last question, gay men certainly have "gaydar" that detects other gays and also in some cases the vulnerable. But don't let me be misunderstood there, not all gays are predators, far from it.
The vulnerable amongst us are lit up like a beacon for all to see, and the pedo's and perv's have the quickest eyesight.
At first I couldn't understand why my therapist was delving back to my very early childhood before the SA started, but it was to gain an insight as to whether I was a vulnerable boy. I was.
Go to the library, it's a very good read.
Lloydy

 

I agree 100% that men getting off fantasywise or actualized on screwing kids is perfectly equal gay or straight. Big problem now though with the Catholic church
laying the blame entirely on homosexuals. The concept is catching on amongst the proletariate. The revelelation that there's a "gay gene" if true may mean abortion's going to become very popular. All those fake Christians out there will snuff the preborn homo-to-be out of existance so fast you would'nt believ it. Problem solved. I'm having a big laugh,watching all this. The powers-that-be doing gonzo battle. "Abortion is evil. But you say we can kill queers before they're born? Well let's rethink abortion. It could be a good thing. God's will,in fact". I hope there's no Tinfoil gene!