The 40 year secret
Hello, I am so happy to have found this community!
I am 53 and have held a secret for the last 40 years but I'm not holding it secret anymore. Until 3 weeks ago I hadn't told anyone, not my parents, not my wife, I told no one about being sexually assaulted when I was 13.
My wife and I have been separated for 8 weeks but are now living under the same roof while we figure out the divorce. Her finding messages on my phone from women that I had been chatting with online set the causes and conditions of our divorce and sent me into a wild depression. The depression sent me to a very dark place 3 weeks ago where I planned my suicide, wrote a note and then drove to the river where I was going to jump into the cold winter water and die a cold miserable death. Thankfully I somehow found some wisdom and called my youngest son who talked me off the ledge and went to the hospital the next morning. This event is what led me share my story with my therapist and begin recovery. Since then I have told my parents, my 2 kids, my sisters and a couple of close friends and finally I told my wife. Everyone has been very supportive, even my wife.
Now that I have told my story I am trying my best to live my truth and take things as they come, one day at a time. For the first time in 40 years I have hope, I have a future now that isn't going to be governed by a secret!
I look forward to getting to know the community and healing.
I am 53 and have held a secret for the last 40 years but I'm not holding it secret anymore. Until 3 weeks ago I hadn't told anyone, not my parents, not my wife, I told no one about being sexually assaulted when I was 13.
My wife and I have been separated for 8 weeks but are now living under the same roof while we figure out the divorce. Her finding messages on my phone from women that I had been chatting with online set the causes and conditions of our divorce and sent me into a wild depression. The depression sent me to a very dark place 3 weeks ago where I planned my suicide, wrote a note and then drove to the river where I was going to jump into the cold winter water and die a cold miserable death. Thankfully I somehow found some wisdom and called my youngest son who talked me off the ledge and went to the hospital the next morning. This event is what led me share my story with my therapist and begin recovery. Since then I have told my parents, my 2 kids, my sisters and a couple of close friends and finally I told my wife. Everyone has been very supportive, even my wife.
Now that I have told my story I am trying my best to live my truth and take things as they come, one day at a time. For the first time in 40 years I have hope, I have a future now that isn't going to be governed by a secret!
I look forward to getting to know the community and healing.