The 40 year secret

Yeshe

Registrant
Hello, I am so happy to have found this community!
I am 53 and have held a secret for the last 40 years but I'm not holding it secret anymore. Until 3 weeks ago I hadn't told anyone, not my parents, not my wife, I told no one about being sexually assaulted when I was 13.
My wife and I have been separated for 8 weeks but are now living under the same roof while we figure out the divorce. Her finding messages on my phone from women that I had been chatting with online set the causes and conditions of our divorce and sent me into a wild depression. The depression sent me to a very dark place 3 weeks ago where I planned my suicide, wrote a note and then drove to the river where I was going to jump into the cold winter water and die a cold miserable death. Thankfully I somehow found some wisdom and called my youngest son who talked me off the ledge and went to the hospital the next morning. This event is what led me share my story with my therapist and begin recovery. Since then I have told my parents, my 2 kids, my sisters and a couple of close friends and finally I told my wife. Everyone has been very supportive, even my wife.
Now that I have told my story I am trying my best to live my truth and take things as they come, one day at a time. For the first time in 40 years I have hope, I have a future now that isn't going to be governed by a secret!
I look forward to getting to know the community and healing.
 
@Yeshe, I so glad you found MS. I also glad
you’re in a better place today. I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now. But, you know what the secret is out, that is so huge!
I felt so much relief when I told my wife, because there was so much hurt and shame. Please
continue to share and explore the forum here at MS. There are many many stories and subjects. I only wish you the best on your journey! LRD
 

Bornfree

Registrant
Hello, I am so happy to have found this community!
I am 53 and have held a secret for the last 40 years but I'm not holding it secret anymore. Until 3 weeks ago I hadn't told anyone, not my parents, not my wife, I told no one about being sexually assaulted when I was 13.
My wife and I have been separated for 8 weeks but are now living under the same roof while we figure out the divorce. Her finding messages on my phone from women that I had been chatting with online set the causes and conditions of our divorce and sent me into a wild depression. The depression sent me to a very dark place 3 weeks ago where I planned my suicide, wrote a note and then drove to the river where I was going to jump into the cold winter water and die a cold miserable death. Thankfully I somehow found some wisdom and called my youngest son who talked me off the ledge and went to the hospital the next morning. This event is what led me share my story with my therapist and begin recovery. Since then I have told my parents, my 2 kids, my sisters and a couple of close friends and finally I told my wife. Everyone has been very supportive, even my wife.
Now that I have told my story I am trying my best to live my truth and take things as they come, one day at a time. For the first time in 40 years I have hope, I have a future now that isn't going to be governed by a secret!
I look forward to getting to know the community and healing.
I hope that your wife now seeing the truth will reconsider the divorce and stand by you. Remember the movie of 3 young boys "Stand by me"? I often think of that movie.
 
Welcome Yeshe. I note in your bio that you've been married four times... as have I. Sustaining intimate relationships isn't easy for a trauma survivor. We tend to not feel safe in the world and often we act out sexually... which is hardly surprising with what happened to us. I'm glad you found this website and introduced yourself. Yes, it is possible to heal these wounds and telling the truth is where we begin. You're doing that. Good for you. Here you'll meet men who know this territory from first hand experience... men who will listen without judgment and who will offer support as you do your healing work. You're not alone with any of this. I hope to see you on the board.
 

Yeshe

Registrant
I hope that your wife now seeing the truth will reconsider the divorce and stand by you. Remember the movie of 3 young boys "Stand by me"? I often think of that movie.
She has been supportive, she is reading Joining Forces: empowering male survivors to thrive and I think is giving a good perspective, but still looking like divorce, not sure yet....
 

Yeshe

Registrant
Welcome Yeshe. I note in your bio that you've been married four times... as have I. Sustaining intimate relationships isn't easy for a trauma survivor. We tend to not feel safe in the world and often we act out sexually... which is hardly surprising with what happened to us. I'm glad you found this website and introduced yourself. Yes, it is possible to heal these wounds and telling the truth is where we begin. You're doing that. Good for you. Here you'll meet men who know this territory from first hand experience... men who will listen without judgment and who will offer support as you do your healing work. You're not alone with any of this. I hope to see you on the board.
Yeah I never saw how this has impacted my entire life and all my relationships and not just intimate ones, all of them. I look back with guilt and shame but I am working through that the best I can and have already started to repair my relationships with my Mom & Dad, My 2 grown boys and my sisters. I am happy to be here and doing the work I need to do.
It is going to be a long journey I suspect...
 

Yeshe

Registrant
@Yeshe, I so glad you found MS. I also glad
you’re in a better place today. I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now. But, you know what the secret is out, that is so huge!
I felt so much relief when I told my wife, because there was so much hurt and shame. Please
continue to share and explore the forum here at MS. There are many many stories and subjects. I only wish you the best on your journey! LRD
It was a relief and she was supportive but she is still processing the whole thing... Long road ahead, thanks for the support!
 
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