thanks...

thanks...
Z

zadok1

Registrant
I used to come here a lot, and many guys here helped me work things out along the way. Then as things got better, I found constantly coming her, reading of the pain and hearing the struggles of others drug me down. I wasnt ready to reach out, and to thank everyone for what they gave me. It seems like now is the time to do that very thing.

My life is still far from perfect, and there are hints of my past in everything I do. I guess Ive come to understand that I will never be this elusive thing I call normal, nor will I even try to be. It was easy to get down on my self, and I didnt like whom I was. Only now do I understand how great of a person I really am. It would have been so easy to kill my self, or to simply give my self over to all the perversion, to go on pretending like there was nothing wrong. I didnt. I reached deep inside, and I worked, and I overcame. The fact I survived have another boy have sex with me, penetrate me, is testament to my power and strength. I carried the weight of it all my life, and that marks just how strong I am. As a victim, all I could see was the sickness in all of those things, as a survivor, I see the strength in all of them.

For all the darkness, I see the light in those days, or what has resulted from it. If I were not molested, I would have never looked so deep inside. Coming from an emotionless home, I would have never learned to cry and love and cherish. If I had never seen life at its darkest, I would have never known how good the little things are. I would have been warring after toys, bigger houses, fancier cars, just like so many others. Abuse has allowed me to see what is truly valuable and worthy. I have healed not only my own body and mind, but my healing spreads over all those around me. My mom and dad told me they loved me, and I have seen a real change spread through them all. I have watched them start to feel and love and live, and it all began with me, with me saying how I felt, and how I loved them.

I was molested, was victimized, but I have become a survivor thanks to those of you who helped me along the way.

jeff
 
jeff,

What a great, inspiring message! It takes an incredibly strong, wise man to have accepted such lessons as life has dealt.

You are absoutely correct: your healing is a not only of benefit for your well-being, but spills over into the world bank, cancelling a little bit of the debt owed for the damage done to victims of SA.

For every pain, there is a balm and for every evil there is a remedy. Hearing your story of survival provides testament, yet again, to the healing power of MS, and this gives me hope, quickens my faith, and fills me with transforming love.

jeff, you were given lemons and you made lemonade.

I raise my glass of lemonade to you jeff!

Ron
 
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If I were not molested, I would have never looked so deep inside.
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I really resonated with this jeff.

Since the original traumas I have felt like I've been forced to look at my own sense of masculinity on such a deep gut wrenching level that I knew no man who had ever done such introspection since 'Adam.'

I've had a sense that I wasn't alone in my experience of struggle and pain, but I was isolated by the taboos of the pervasive culture which anihilated any attempts to share uncovered data about the sacred masculine.

The strength of the taboos alone told me I was not alone.

If I dared to try to connect, the fear of other men, in the form of shame would be used to stop me dead in my tracks.

The failsafe of aggression was always looming, if the toxic shame failed.

In 1976 therapists themselves were confined and, in turn, confined their clients with their own constraints.


Ron, I value the spirit of love in which you use the analogy of the lemons and I have no hesitation in supporting what you say here.

This following diversion is about my own history, quirks and triggers. I'm just adding another dimension here to what you have said.

How I've heard that expression in the past, is as a way of shortcutting the pain in the middle of that expression. I could almost hear a perp( and probably did hear my brother) use this to say he did me a favor by making me stronger. I couldn't do the work I do today with the insight I have if it weren't for what he did to me,so I should be grateful to him.---- barf!

I have the strenth and insight I have today because of the women and men before me who have done their work, learning the route, from and to, Hades and then back out again. They have become tourguides to this underworld of shadows.

To stand on the shoulder of giants helps me look and feel tall and powerful, supported and not alone.

I want to help others to experience the power of their own height and I want to hear from them what it looks like up there through their eyes.

In this process of accepting what they have offered, we honor our surviving predecessors.


..... be gentle with yourself
 
Jeff, hats off to you, sounds like you have taken a giant step forward. Your words could have come from many of us here that have finally after many years of coverup, lies etc, found ourselves.
The war is not over but every battle won gets us closer. The victums that come to this site for the first time can truly be motivated by your words that "there is hope", we can indeed survive and just like a snake bite, its not the bite that gets you its the venom that it leaves. Our venom stays in our heads until somehow we find a way to release it through words written or spoken.
Good luck on your journey, stay strong.
Bob
 
Jeff,

Thank you for your story. It represents what all of us here at MS are struggling for in our journey to heal. What I hope for myself.

Your effort and results from digging deep inside of you inspire me. There is something truly good and decent beneath all the guilt, shame, acting out, and so much other crap that we have endured.

Normal, schmormal, you have something deeper and more profound than just being one of the crowd.

I wish you all the best on your continued growth and healing. Thanks for coming back and sharing it offers strength to us all.

A tall glass of lemonade, bittersweet indeed!

Aaron
 
i believe our society, the world really, has done a great harm to men as a whole. we are taught that a man ignores pain and feeling, that he is an emotionless machine for winning bread and fixing things. i take my hat off to the strong women who raised me to think above all that. i am able to look inside, cry and love because they showed me the way. a real man is comfortable enough to feel what he feels, and be the person he chooses to be. Happiness is the ultimate measure of healing.

RJD in no way do i excuse what was done to me or any of us. the boy who raped me was a teen, perhaps around fourteen or fifteen. yes, it made me stronger in the end, but it doesnt justify or redeem what happened. it was monsterous, it was hidious and painful, it was life altering. no, i have made my self strong, not him, not the abuse. i have found my power and strength through tears and God. i have earned that the hard way despite the abuse, not because of it.

perhaps some day, the world might be rid of the cancer of child sexual abuse. for now, we only have healing and our families. the abuse happened, and still happens every day. i wish it didnt, but that is just the way our world is.
 
Thank you, to give us a post of hope that we also will get through of this. At times, when I feel some better of usual, I try to look at this as something that can be of good at me. Without the abuse, who would I be? Perhaps not someone I would like to be. Perhaps not someone strong enough to still be here of all this. Perhaps not someone who treats others with respect,and tries to think of their emotions above my own. There is maybe some good things of all this. And of course, best of good things, will be survival.

Leosha
 
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