Thanks from a Newbi

Thanks from a Newbi
C

Canada38

New Registrant
Hi
I have only been coming to this site for about two weeks now and reading all of the posts and responses. At first I was a bit leery of an on-line support group but I have seen great insights and truly caring responses from the members and others. My situation is pretty basic, I have carried something so terrible inside me all my life that it has kept me from acheiving what I wanted personally, professionally and in relationships. Thank God my wife told me she would leave me, it has pushed me to where I am actually getting some help and beginning to deal with this. Today I have an appoitment with a certified counsellor and therapist and just the fact that I have committed to doing this seems to have lifted so much from me.
The support and kind words I recieved and read here at MS has been a real help. So I just wanted to say thanks.
Oh, and wish me luck today, I am scared sh*#less.
 
canadian,
scared sh**less? ohh boy, i know that one all too well. i get the shakes right before my t sessions when i know they are going to be difficult. that kind of helps in preperation for it...it is the sneaky, out of the blue stuff that gets me right between the eyes :) .

seriously though, this journey of recovery is scarier than hell, the only thing scarier is to continue living with the darkness without doing anything after we start remembering. at times i look back with nostalgic awe to when i was able to take anything life threw at me and still keep trucking on as though nothing would hurt me. that was not true, of course. just because i was clueless (not remembering that is ;) ), didn't mean that i was made of steel, as i thought. now it seems the least thing puts me over the edge, not true objectively, but that is what it feels like. thing is, in my more lucid moments, i realize and fully accept for all of ten seconds that this journey i am on means i am getting stronger than when i refused to let it bother me. it takes far greater courage to face the darkness, even as you stumble. scary? hell yes! empowering? you have felt that already, but it gets better. imagine all the energy we threw into keeping the darkness buried now being utilized for the purpose of our living and excelling (sp?). the darkness is there, my friend, but you are not facing it alone. welcome to the brotherhood. pm me if you ever need anything.
 
I hope that you find it a very rewarding experience - it's one of the best things I ever did - I carried it around inside of myself for 34 years before finally seeing a counsellor. I got a good one.

You'll probably go through a whole range of emotions afterwards, don't worry it's quite normal! You might vary between being exhilarated & drained, & sometimes both at the same time. You might wonder if you've done the right thing opening 'a can of worms', but they start to wriggle away from you bit by bit & thats when your recovery starts.

Wishing you well ...Rik
 
That first time talking to a therapist was pretty scary for me too. That was over 6.5 years ago. I've been through a lot since but I'm still here and a whole lot better than I was back then.

It takes some time to develop trust with someone and really open up. Give it time and be gentle with yourself and your loved ones.

This is a great place for support.

Steve
 
I am glad that you found this site. It has been something that has been invaluable to me. The friends I have made here are true friends, regardless of not having met them. They have saved me from myself more times then once. I know how scary it can be to try to start out therapy, I was terrified of it. But it has helped me a lot. Please be safe, and take care of yourself. welcome.

leosha
 
Canada38,
Your quote: "My situation is pretty basic,"
"pretty basic"? Its NOT basic in any sense of the word. Terrible? yes, but never basic. There is no such thing as Basic Sexual Abuse.
I am not scolding you. I just dont want you to minimise your experiences or try to compare your abuse with others here. We each carry a terrible pain that deserves to be recognised. We need & recieve validation & support here. And no matter what the circumstances, so do you.
Blacken
 
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