thankful for finding this place

thankful for finding this place
Z

zanychris

Registrant
Thanks to the people who responded privately to my story. I really needed to hear those words of encouragement.

I am isolating myself right now which worries me. I was supposed to go to a freind's house for a barbeque with my partner but I told him to go without me--iit would take too much energy to act happy. I asked him to be honest about I wasn't there so that's good but I know I would have felt obligated to be fake, even around friends.

I have never felt such sadness in my life. I went through some initial SA therapy twelve years ago and it didn't hurt like this...maybe this is the next layer to come off.

I don't know if I'll ever feel better. I am just walking around numb from the pain... is this normal?
 
Chris
I just read your story, and I guess it's about that time.
Time to start really healing.

When we make that leap and call it "rape" instead of "the sex we had" then we're out of the starting blocks.

Stick with us, there's great support from some really special guys.

Dave
 
Hello Chris, it is good to meet you.

We do get to feel much better with time and lots of work. There was a long time when I felt that just "feeling better" was not enough. But, I am experiencing "better" and it feels real good.

Your story has so much in common with most of us. Someone,who had real skill in manipulation, got us to do things that we did not really want to do. But, so many of us were so starved for at least a little attention, and maybe even some love, that we would have done anything to get it. It amazes me, the skill perps have in recognizing which of us to go after, and which to stay away from.

Your memories will bug you. You may remember things you had totally forgotten. But, as odd as it might seem, if we are getting help from a therapist or a group of somekind that is helpful, this recall is a sign of our being ready to kick the effects of the SA in the butt.

I believe you will find lots of men here with very similar experiences, and some of them will be able to tell you how they worked it all out.

Bob
 
Chris,

"Normal" is a funny word. The feeling of being numb is quite common in survivors of sexual abuse. I think it's actually common in survivors of many kinds of trauma. So in that sense, it's normal.

It's a reaction to a grossly abnormal insult to your person. Your mind had to find some way to protect you from the terrible pain, and the numbness is one of those protections.

Listen to these guys. They've helped me a lot, and I think they must have been helping people for a while to have gotten so good at it. Write what you can about what happened to you, how it affects you, and so on. Read what others write. You might want to consider returning to therapy, too.

Just about one year ago I finally wrote the word "rape" in reference to what he did to me. It's only in the last couple days that I feel it becoming real to me. The sadness keeps seeping out into my "real life" and I have to do something. One of the things that has helped me get this far is coming here to read and write. I hope it will help you, too.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Thank you for the support, everyone. I really appreciate it. Knowing you are all out there helps me make it through the day. :cool:
 
Chris
we do a night shift as well ;)

Dave
 
Mike
just pass your claim form to Fred, he knows what to do with them.

Dave :D
 
Hey, CZ,

I'll join you in being thankful for finding this place. These guys are something else, aren't they?

Sorry you had to go looking for a place like this, but I think that you've found the best. And, you've already heard from some of the cream of the crop around here, Bob, Joe and those two guys right out of central casting, Mikey and Dave. When they're not here, they're doing a stand up routine somewhere mid Atlantic.
All kidding aside, this place saved my live, C. I hope that it is as positive for you. Please take it easy on yourself. We, survivors can be brutal on those we love, and on ourselves, when no one else is handy.
Welcome to you, every word you write is a word of burden lifted from your back. Every word you write is a link to your brother survivors here waiting to make that connection with you, bother CZ.

David
 
hello everybody

i joined a few days ago and have spent hours reading and re-reading old posts. i have never talked to anyone on a website like this and i wasnt going to here either. i am...well, i am surprised at how open you all are. i have spent my life being closed off and hiding. how do you get to the point where you can talk to others about...things? hiding it, hiding everything gets to be a way of life. i can go through my life, day after day, and pretend nothing is wrong. i can talk to people, and drive my car, and shop and i can act like everything is fine. everybody thinks it is - people who see me. sometimes i think that probably it is ok any if i can act ok, i must be ok. as shakespeare said (paraphrase) "if you dont have a virture, assume one." well, i can assume "normalcy" cant i?

then, at other times...well - i cant. i dont know what to do. then sometimes, i think, if i could just talk to someone about this.

i dont know....

c
 
Catch22
I just love that film, I have a thing about crazy people, I think I was one once ;)

I thought I was crazy because like you, I acted my through the first 45 years of my life.
But now I'm living it at 50.

It hasn't been easy, but it's certainly worth it.

Stick around for some great support.

Dave
 
Zanycris & catch22,

Welcome! I'm glad you found us as well but sorry you had to seek us out.

I'm sure you have heard and seen that this place is overflowing with good, decent, and sincerely helpful men. I doubt you could ever find a greater bunch of guys.

Opening up is a scary thing, but you will find safety and patient support. We have all been through--and continue to go through, although I hope to a lesser degree--some pretty heavy crap.

Post, read, heal, thats what we do, hope you get some too.

take gentle care,

Aaron
 
thank you for your kind words. i think i'll just "listen" for a while. When i try to put this all down on paper, it gets muddled and i dont think i could coherently talk about things. i'm not sure i want to - yet.
 
Thanks for all the welcomes. I have had a tough week but the kind words have helped me get through the rough spots.

Sitting here and FEELING the pain is the hardest thing to do. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I have learned to hide and run away from my feelings. I am not doing that now and it is HELL--how can people deal with these things called emotions every day ;) ?

Seriously, I appreciate your warmth, humor, and caring...it makes me feel less alone and gives me hope that someday I too will heal...
 
Chris
Emotions are something we should have learnt all about as we grew up, but we didn't did we. How could we express normal emotions when the most emotionally powerful thing that we experienced was also the biggest secret ?

It takes a while to get used to them again that's for sure. But they're real good when you get used to them again.
Our biggest problem with emotion is that in the early stages of recovery a huge dose of them suddenly arrive without warning and scare the crap out of us !

But enjoy a good cry, ask for a hug from someone - it's ok. It's how we get the crap out and our life back in.

Dave
 
I just wanted to let people know that I have been doing much better. The support I have received here and from my therapist has gotten me though the worst part of it.

Thanks to everyone who was there for me....
 
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