THANK YOU!!!

THANK YOU!!!
F

Freedom

Registrant
I just popped in to say THANK YOU. I may not have said much but I read, listened, and heard (I think) your voices.

It helped me hear the one survivor I care about more than almost anything. Your posts helped me stick by him even when all "reasonable" people, to include some here, would advise against it.

I have to day, I also went against some of the advice given here and focused on what he told me, without telling me, in the language that made sense to him.

We are doing better, I think. He is talking more and not running away so much. And I can ask questions and so does he, so that we can work on being real with, being present to, and being honestwith, each other.

No, things are not perfect. But I am very proud to see him move forward. And when I hear him scared but talking to me anyway, I am so very proud of him. I know that he always finds a way to tell me what I need to know.

And since I have seen bits of him in many of you, and vice versa, you have helped me understand. So, I am proud of all of you as well.

I thank God for all of you and wish you peace, happiness, and healing. I know it can happen because I am witnessing it.

Have a great weekend! Your value is beyond any words I can write.
 
Good for both of you. We need more success stories, even if they are success-in-progress kind of stories. Good luck, SM.
 
SM-I PMed you back. You asked a good question. In the end, it all comes down to personal decisions. I wish you the best of luck. I are strong enough to stick by your decision. Peace.
 
Freedom
we aren't easy people to deal with, maybe never will be ?
But the fact is we don't enjoy living our mixed up lives, we want to get better. So if you guys CAN put up with us, it means so much.

Thanks for caring.

Dave
 
Dave - That is precisely what I have learned but it took quite a long time. The confusing part was sorting out the difference between the abuse related behavior and what is commonly labeled as "normal" male behavior (the jerk kind in particular).

You are right, it is not easy to stick by someone who covers up his behavior and confusion by labeling it as the later, even if it makes him look like a jerk. But I have had a glimpse at how lonely it is for those who suffered from SA. The hell of it has made me more understanding of the labels and the attempts at hiding. Thank you for your post.
 
Freedom

The confusing part was sorting out the difference between the abuse related behavior and what is commonly labeled as "normal" male behavior (the jerk kind in particular).
Click to expand...
And the confusing part for me ( us ? ) is not falling into the temptation of being a jerk and then blaming my abuse !
But most women seem to have a 'bullshit' detector that picks that up immediately, it's the same one we use when our wives tell us that the three pairs of shoes they come home with were "all in a sale, and I saved $xx-xx"

But isn't the temptation great eh ?

Dave
 
Exactly! We all hide behind something!

I am learning that it is very difficult (at first) to look reality in the face. I have been doing it lately and it hurts to face the BS. But on the positive side, I have never felt more alive and present! Go figure.

You know I have a decision to make as to how much reality my SA friend can take. It is hard watching him hurt himself and do nothing.

Peace.
 
Thank you both. I am about to decide so many things, the main choices being between logic and feeling. I appreciate the help but I have to choose. Ugh! :(
 
SM,

We all do what we need to do. Do not feel bad because you have to respond from the place where you are now and not where you wish you'd be.

Do not forget that you are on a journey as well.

You need to take care of you if your BF is not there for you. Unfortunately, that may mean that you are not as available for him. However, I do not think you can carry two people on your own. He is not reasonable to expect that.

I wish you all the best.
 
Good for you! :) I am glad to hear that. I think all survivors are worth sticking around for.

Enjoy this moment and take good care of yourself and each other! :)
 
Wow! After three years plus we had a tremendous breakthrough last Tuesday. All of a sudden things were real and we did not play games. What a moment! All the pain and frustrations were worth it. Hearing from my friend something so real it awed me made all the difference. What a great and brave guy! All I had to learn is to keep my mouth shut (most of the time :) ) and let time do its work. And yes, lots of stumbles and mistakes along the way! Thanks be to God!
 
SM-
I have done the same thing, keeping my mouth quiet, letting him come to me when he is ready. Since our big trouble a month or so ago (see "How long can silence from partner go on" post) we have been steadily climbing upward. Even in the middle of a house re-roofing project! :) Glad to see things are progressing for you.

And for the guys, yes you are worth it, every step or crawl of the way!

Wifenneed aka Kathy
 
Hi Kathy!

Thank you! You are so king to share in my excitement. After all this time I am floating -I am so proud of him. I will read the post you suggested. I hope things improve for you soon. Hang in there. These quiet moment are great opportunity for me to go and explore the world out there. I hope you can look at this as an opportunity for you as well. Take good care of yourself.
 
Hey Youze Guys! Sounds like a dream come true... just be careful!!! We had a HUGE break-through this time last year, but it only lasted for a few months. The healing process isn't linear, it's shaped like a DNA molecule. It frequently turns & twists back on itself. I do believe that it IS possible to "live happily ever after," but it's also important to keep our eyes fully open. Meanwhile, I will keep my fingers crossed for you!!! It's soooooo nice to hear good news for a change!
 
Thanks Kolisha! And you are right about keeping our eyes open. In fact, if I were not paying attention I would have missed this momentouos event! :) But for this situation, it is huge. Take care.
 
You are very welcome. I do not know that I have done anything to help you. But I know that there is much wisdom and expressiveness here. I hope that you continue to have good experiences here.

Leosha
 
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