Thank You for the replies

[markw]

Just want to say thanks to all the guys who responded to my post. I am an emotional mess. What happened to me is almost to much bare. The attack in fourth grade damaged both my testicals and I lost both of them. I am just now over the recovery from my last surgery. I have had 13 in all, and got addicted to pain killers. Wonderful stuff they are. They made me numb and I like it. Now I get my testosterone through a needle every week. I hate what that pervert has done to me. He ruined my life! Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I am reminded of what happened. It will never go away. I have so much anger and I am not good at emotional things. I just do not know what to do. The doctors fixed my body, but not my soul. There is so much more to my story, but I am to scared to write or even talk about it. My wife thinks that I should, but I am not ready yet. I just want it to go away. I just want to be and feel like a normal guy. I am affraid that it will never happen. I have thought of killing myself, just to end it forever, but I could not do that to my wife. All the crap she has put up with me, she deserves better. I just want to free from it, without drugs. Can it be done? I do not understand why I just can't leave it in the past, it is done and over with, nothing can change what happened. I wish I would have taken a different way homne from school that day, my life would be so different.

 

[Ivo]

Markw,
I think that you are great and very brave person.

Enjoy in every second of love with your wife.
You both deserve each other.


Be careful and do not put yourself on too much pressure in short time with talking about your story.
Take all time that you need to prepare yourself to be ready to talk. Be gentle and careful to yourself.

Remember, this site and these incredible guys would always be here to listen what you want to tell them.

And, I know, sometimes is so frustrating that we cannot switch off that killer pain in our souls.
Healing is endlessly time and energy consuming; that is reality of our lives.

I wish you the best,
Ivo

 

[reality2k4]

Mark,

I can see so much pain in what you write, both physical and mental.

You are a brave man in writing what you did, it is so hard to touch the past somedays, but you made it to here, and it must have taken a bit of the weight off your load.

I think always in hindsight, we think that it would be so good to turn back the clock, or never to have done this, or that.

I am glad that your wife is supportive of you, but she should not make you say any more than you really want to.

You are a normal guy, a great guy to go through all these battles of pain and anguish, it will get better as time heals.

Ivo, has given some sound advice here, so I wont repeat it,

but, take care of you,

ste

 

[Raphael]

Mark,

I am saddened to hear that you are suffering so much. It is certainly not easy to bear all the pain that the SA leaves on us. But we must be strong - and we are! We have survived. Now it is time to look ahead and build a brighter future to all of us. One of the lessons I am learning now as I try to deal with the effects of the SA is that it is bad enough that I have suffered so much up to now, it is bad enough that so much of my past has been ruined, I cannot let the SA also ruin my future. I can't change the past, but with patience and a lot of hard work I can limit the impact that the past will have on my future.

I wish you and your wife well. You are very strong. My prayers are with you.

Peace,
Raphael

 

[sadanddown]

Originally posted by Raphael:
One of the lessons I am learning now as I try to deal with the effects of the SA is that it is bad enough that I have suffered so much up to now, it is bad enough that so much of my past has been ruined, I cannot let the SA also ruin my future.

Mark,

I hope things get better for you, and I would like to just point out what Raphael said, I think it is very important. It just gave me some more optimism too.

You are brave for coming here, it is a big step. When you feel comfortable, we are all here to listen, do only what you feel comfortable with and when you feel comfortable with it.

Best wishes and take care of yourself,
Jon

 

[Morning Star]

Mark, Thank you for opening your heart to us. I am sure you will go thru your healing with much grace and gratitude.

The road to healing can be short or long depending upon how much you can trust the divine energies. And make them part of your healing as much as they part of your everyday life.

Know that you have come here to heal. Each time you open your heart and share your story, you never know who will read your story, and get healed. So keep opening up my friend, let all that pain, anger and frustration out, for your heart is made for better stuff - Love.


AJ

 

[parttimecop]

Originally posted by markw:
I wish I would have taken a different way homne from school that day, my life would be so different.

I know the feelings my friend. I wish I had not opened that door to her room that day. But that kind of feels like self incrimination. At least to me, I blame myself. And you can't do that. You are not responsible for the evil done to you.