thad

[michaelb]

i too am going through the recovering memories process......my abuse began when i was 2 and continued until i was 5.....then several repeat performances until i was finally sodomized when i was 15 by my beloved uncle.......i have all the smptoms you have plus i'm 42 and have never had sex with anybody except my uncle.....just too afraid.....i began dealing with this in january.....i've been hospitalized 3 times since then.....just think we might be able to share the recovering memory process.....sometimes my memories seem so real.....sometimes i think i must be imagining the whole thing......if only that could be true.....michael............please drop me a line thad.......

 

[Thad]

Michael, Michael, Michael - I am so sorry I didn't reply right away. I just now noticed your post - I'm not used to this system yet and didn't look - actually, I have been obsessing with issues and spent the last 12 hours writing a post which I plan to make - but I now how it is to send something out cause I know I want an instant response in yours has taken days!

I would love to talk about early abuse and recovery of memories - I need to work on it, too. I am so familiar with what you are going through...the upset it causes...I totally support you - it takes such courage to go on sometimes...to face this stuff, especially when it has been deeply buried for a long time...

I discovered, (recovered) my abuse experiences a couple years ago in therapy and went into a tail spin with lots of symptoms and depression and regrets and feelings of loss since in a way, I got to walk the walk without getting to talk the talk, by that I mean that I had all the symptoms and they interfered with my life for 50 years but never knew where they came from, I just thought I was "defective" - so in some ways there was a lot of relief to discover the origins and then begin to see what the symptoms were about - but in other ways it was an utter drag to see what they had done to my life, two marriages, parenting of four kids, my self-esteme etc. etc.
I finally after about a year and one-half, quit thinking about it, processing it, doing therapy, and gradually slipped back into a safe denial - along with creeping depression -
But a combination of an abusive client that I couldn't take anymore and the pending "back labor day" which is a dangerous day/weekend for me emotionally caused a full ptss episode and I was awoke from it once again and had to get busy with it of it would consume me.

I would like to share with you much more - and I want to be there for you since it sounds like you are really going through it - also I really need to work on these issues and have never had people to talk to about the specialized symptoms or the recovery process from very early abuse - look for a personal post - I'll be around most rest of today and tomorrow - writing is therapy I need to do right now to get through the weekend....Thad