Telling my parents

Telling my parents
O

onlyakid

I've been depressed lately (actually its weird, it comes in waves), I'm thinking that maybe I should tell my parents (I'm 25, but still live with them) about my brother abusing me. However, I'm a little skeptical of doing so. Our family has a good relationship and I don't want to ruin that. I don't want to distance myself from my brother, he may have abused me but we are family and I don't think he meant to hurt me. I also don't want to hurt my 3 year old neice, she doesn't need all that chaos between families. Also legally he isn't guilty of any crime because he was only 3 1/2 years older than me (its 4 years). Actually I think that if he could be facing jail time that would be a deeper deterrant, he is my brother after all.
 
Jtt
there's no 'rules' laid down that we have to disclose evrything at a certain time, sometimes discretion is the best choice. Especially where a family could be torn apart.

That doesn't mean however that your brother didn't do you harm, he did. And when the time is right you might want to confront him about it. Likewise the rest of your family.
But only you will know when that time arrives.

It'll probably be when YOU feel comfortable with YOURSELF, when you have the confidence and strength to lead the actions and discussions during the turmoil that will likely follow.

Recovery teaches us many things, amongst them are the skills to gauge our own actions better. And that's something abuse took away from us by having unwanted decisions made for us, the healing gives us that back.

Concentrate on yourself first, the rest will take it's course.

Dave
 
I am sorry about what happened to you and frankly have no idea as to what you should do if anything.

However, you mentioned your niece, whom I assume is your brothers daughter. I believe you do at some point need to have a long talk with your brother simply to make sure your niece is safe and what happened to you was truly a one time event.

I wish you the very best and hope your journey to a whole and complete person is short and complete.

All my best
BT
 
jtt,

Read Ken Singer's article on disclosure before doing anything. https://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/singer3.htm .

Ask yourself why you want to do this? If it is to hurt someone, I'd recommend against it. No matter what the reason, some precaution needs to be taken.

I had long hoped that my mother never needed to know. Telling her would not help me out, it would only cause her pain. Recent events in the past few weeks have made it a certainty that it would all be coming out. So, I told my step-dad. If anybody knows how to protect my mother it is he, and it is he that can help guide me into letting her know as painlessly as possible. Right now, we don't know if she will need to know, but the possiblity remains that my story will be out in the news. Not the way I want her to find out.

It's not an easy choice, and shouldn't be taken lightly. There rewards can be great, but he the risk can be even greater. So go into it well informed, clear-headed, and prepared for whatever may happen.

Take care,
Bill
 
Thanks for all the advice, I think I was just depressed and emotional, thinking that telling would be this great miracle cure and that I'd live happily ever after. Now that I have the time to think, I think it probably isn't a great idea.

Bill1965: I read Ken's article and he just happens to be my T. I have an appointment on Wednesday Morning and we'll definately discuss it.

BT: Yes, I am referring to my brothers daughter. BTW he has another on the way. I'm not sure how a conversation would help, I'll be sure to ask my T when I see him next.

Jason
 
I to have been thinking about confronting my brother about the abuse he did to me. It has been so easey to deal with Father Ryan and my English teacher Mr Schaffer but it so hard to deal with a family member. I know my brither was abused by the parish priest also so I find it easey to forgive him.
I think you should talk with your brother and see where he is coming from now at this time in his life. my abuse was 40 years ago so it is acient history but your abuse sounds like it was a short time ago, Talk with your brother and see where he is now, before you say anything to your parents. Tom
 
i let it slip to my father one day, and life hasnt been the same since. families really dont want to face thier own dirt very much. work with Ken, and when the time is right, if it is right, then you come out. i wish i had taken time to learn more before just blurting it out. take time to learn about your abuse and your feelings before sharing them. it is the only wise way to go.
 
I feel your pain.I would just say be prepare for whatever might happen when you disclose your abuse,my experience is not eveyone is willing to hear about it.

Take care
 
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