Techniques You Use to Stay Present ?

Techniques You Use to Stay Present ?
S

ShyBear

Registrant
Men,

One of the things I learned at the Atlanta / Simpsonwood 2006 retreat was the need for techniques to help me terminate dissociation and stay present, in there here-and-now.

I thought it would be useful to ask you all about tools, techniques, phrases, what-have-you, that help you stay grounded & present. So, please post descriptions of things that help you.

I'd especially like to hear how you guys recognize dissociation when it starts happening, because I've found I go there easily, and if a given dissociation event gathers too much momentum, it's very hard for me to terminate it without help.

("") Bearhugs ("")
(but only if you want them ...)
 
ShyBear,

I find that as I heal in other ways dissociation troubles me less. I still do it, but now it is usually just a general sense of "absence" into nothing. I don't feel like I am relocating to a "safe" place, which is what I did as a boy. The problem is that I still have no control over it.

Much love,
Larry
 
ShyBear,

My post here seems to have become mangled in the system. Thanks for the PM, and I will try to reconstruct it here.

I find that as I heal in other ways dissociation troubles me less. I still do it, but now it is usually just a general sense of "absence" into nothing. I don't feel like I am relocating to a "safe" place, which is what I did as a boy.

This is something I need to discuss with my T, but so far it has not come up in our discussions.

Much love,
Larry
 
ShyBear,

I continue to struggle with dissociation and staying present. I have 7 alters who come out and take over to one degree or another weather i know they are out or not.

Good topic, i would also like to here from other brothers.

I went to the retreat in Alta last year and i remember in the small group i was in i dissociated during a session and as i became present one of the group leaders said "welcome back" to me. I felt embarressed and ashemed about it.

I have never spoke or wrote about it till now and i still feel ashemed about doing this. I just can't help it.

H.I
 
Originally posted by healing_inside:
I went to the retreat in Alta last year and i remember in the small group i was in i dissociated during a session and as i became present one of the group leaders said "welcome back" to me. I felt embarressed and ashemed about it.
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I'm sorry you felt embarrassed and ashamed, H.I.

Especially when there was nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about ! The consequences of our SA are no more our fault that the SA itself.

I have never spoke or wrote about it till now and i still feel ashemed about doing this.
Click to expand...
For me, shame was one of the worst consequences of my SA. But I've learned that shame is like a slimey mold, it thrives best in the dark. When I open the windows & doors of my soul to the frash air and light of other trustworthy survivors, my shame tends to wither, dry up & blow away.

You have just taken a big healing step, H.I. !

YAY ! ! !
 
H.I.,

I hope you can come to see dissociation as something we don't need to be ashamed of, as Shy Bear points out. It's just a continuation of a defensive mechanism we used as boys.

What helps me with this one is to view it as an indication of how defenseless we were. This was one of the few tools we had, and we had the courage to pick it up and use it. Now it's time to lay it down and move on, and we will have the courage to do that as well.

Much love,
Larry
 
SHYBEAR,

Thats easy, my wife keeps me grounded and in the hear and now.

As does the knowledge that although what happened to me was brutal and very wrong, there is a young girl in Cambodia who would swap her life with mine in a flash if she could have her hands back.

Very very humbling meeting her.
 
I've learned to accept it and to work on my misconceptions and facing the abuse. Like my fears, my dissociation has begun to unravel as I find I need it less for safety. I am beginning to find the safety in my own being.

I notice that I have to let it go and focus on healing - it for me is similar to sexual compulsions - my main one being porn - if I try to stop the porn I can't, it takes over and wins, I watch more, and I feel defeated. If I work on my healing I find that I lose the desire to watch porn; now even to weeks at a time.

And I try to not beat myself up over my reactions in life. They are my reactions regardless of triggers and pain. I heal the pain and face the triggers and my reactions change to what I consider more positive. And then I am proud of myself (but always proud of my own survival reactions as well).

And then I fall and it all goes to hell - but that's part of the journey.

Oh, edited to say that during sex I dissociate, and the biggest thing is that my wife reminds me where I am. At times I am in the middle of the abuse in my mind and so tell myself I'm not there, but let all the feelings be and try to "look" around when I'm there.

I also try to find what triggered me. My allergies went away this year (I don't want to get into all the associations right now) - I was traveling and all of a sudden my allergies came back full force. I needed to escape, I wanted to scratch my eyes out. I stopped and said no, I am powerful and pollen can't hurt me, what has me freaked out? I went back 5 minutes and remembered that my wife and I had just seen sock monkeys (monkey doll things) in a market. That's when my allergies flared up immediately. There was a sock monkey in one of the rooms where he abused me.

When we accept and seek awareness our fear and panic begin to erode. I find that the process is a lot longer than I thought it would be.
 
As I dissociate I don't understand what someone is saying. The say something that triggers me and I "go somewhere esle" while they are talking. I can see their lips move and hear them talk but "me no understand." Other times I'll be talking or not talking and find my eyes drift up to the ceiling ... I've finally figured out where I drift off to ... the moment right after the first time I was abused.

Things that keep me grounded. Going to the beach and clear my mind of thoughts (not easy to do). Learning to play the guitar ... I feel its just me and the guitar and my feelings right here right now that I try and express through the guitar. Using my five senses when I don't have the beach or guitar around. Focusing in on the senses ... to "sense" that I'm here ... stay focused.

A good book on grounding and self regulating is "Growing beyond survival: A self-help toolkit for managing traumatic stress" by Elizabeth G. Vermilyea, M.A. It's a workbook to build skills in these areas.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
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