Tearing Away
This book and chapter spoke to me this past week concerning my healing process with sexual abuse during my younger years. Hosea 6:1 says come let us return unto the Lord: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; He hath smitten, and he will bind up. My commentary explains that before there can be healing, there must be tearing. Before there can be binding there must be cutting. Allow God to have his way, allow him to do what needs to be done even if it's painful - for that is the only way you can be healed. I hid behind a mask of what I thought would bring me a sense of normalcy when I married my wife who I was truly in love with. Our sexual life was abysmal due to my SSA resulting from my sexual abuse as a child. We did manage to have 2 children and 45 years of marriage. I hid this from her as well as everyone swearing to take it to the grave. Two weeks after I retired and 45 years of manage to a very compassionate, spirit filled and understanding partner she became ill and passed away. This was I feel now a painful tearing away of the mask I hid behind as it pushed me into therapy where I finally revealed my abuse and SSA. When I came to believe in the gospels I thought I could be healed which later turns out to be works on my part. I am also a recovering alcoholic and as the big book says healing is sometimes quick and sometimes a long process and sometimes just a quieting down of character flaws. So, although I miss her so very very much daily, I, and she know she is in Glory and I am beginning on the road of recovery. That chapter gave me some peace that God is truly working on me.
