Target of misdirected anger
SubtleStuff
Registrant
Hi Y'all,
He couldn't support my mother in her desire for her sons to be educated sexually. This is something I could easily do if I had sons. He was not able to express his sexual desires openly. This created rather harsh (albeit carefully hidden) consequences in his relationship to my mother. This is not a problem for me. He was unable to express any emotion connected to weakness or vulnerability. Although I too struggle in this department, I'm much better at embracing feelings of hurt that I ever experienced in him.
Courage gets confused with Bravado in my mind sometimes. My father had lots of Bravado (and its connected aggression). Courage, in my current understanding, is quite different and much deeper.
Just thought I'd share.
Cheers,
Garth
PS: I've been wondering if I've wandered too far off topic in this thread, but upon consideration think not. One of the key consequences of being the target of my mother's misdirected anger was internalizing her (repressed) anger at men and doing a great deal of damage to my ability to fully and comfortably embrace my maleness. Looks like I'm breaking out of that pattern these days.
Another piece is coming to light in my efforts to come to peace with myself as a man. I'm starting to see that I have courage and seeing there were several keys areas in which my father did not.SubtleStuff said:I am making progress in my attitude towards my own maleness. In addition to celebrating positive intiative in myself I've also recently embraced that I'm worthy of protection.
He couldn't support my mother in her desire for her sons to be educated sexually. This is something I could easily do if I had sons. He was not able to express his sexual desires openly. This created rather harsh (albeit carefully hidden) consequences in his relationship to my mother. This is not a problem for me. He was unable to express any emotion connected to weakness or vulnerability. Although I too struggle in this department, I'm much better at embracing feelings of hurt that I ever experienced in him.
Courage gets confused with Bravado in my mind sometimes. My father had lots of Bravado (and its connected aggression). Courage, in my current understanding, is quite different and much deeper.
Just thought I'd share.
Cheers,
Garth
PS: I've been wondering if I've wandered too far off topic in this thread, but upon consideration think not. One of the key consequences of being the target of my mother's misdirected anger was internalizing her (repressed) anger at men and doing a great deal of damage to my ability to fully and comfortably embrace my maleness. Looks like I'm breaking out of that pattern these days.
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