Talking about it

Talking about it
B

Branson

Registrant
I was in the chat room tonight and there was a very nice guy who took some time talking to me.

I just can't get over the feeling that because I am gay what happened when I was 8 was my fault. Everybody says it was because I am gay. I didn't want him on me. I didn't. I am gay yes but back then I had nothing sexual feelings. I need someone to believe me I didn't want it. My boyfriend will probably read this and I don't know what to say to him. I didn't want it. It hurt and I was so scared. My parents told me I seduced him and it was my fault and no one believes me. I didn't.

Daam
 
Branson,

Anyone who thinks you wanted to be abused because you are gay is plain wrong. Its as outrageous and stupid as saying that a woman who is straight wanted to be raped.

Your parents saying that you seduced him are completely wrong and I am sorry that you had to hear that damaging rubbish from them. Sad to say but people often find it easier to blame a child victim than face the horror of what has really happened. An eight year old whatever the sexuality or sex does not seduce an abuser. I dont need to know the details to know that. Thats perpetrator thinking.

I know we internalise the twisted thinking of perps as children and however absurd it is we carry it as a deeply held belief into adulthood, add your parents reaction and it is no wonder you would expect everyone to think the same.

I and the guys here know it was not your fault, we do and will believe you.

Rustam.
 
Branson,

when I was eight, I did not have any sexual preference because I was a kid, an innocent little kid.

You are gay, so what? You would have been gay anyhow without being abused. Don't confuse issues in you.

You are who you are, what you always would have been, abuse is violence and nothing else.

None of us here think it was your fault, but then again, we have a bit more sense than others you will have met.

Take care,

ste
 
What you are feeling is normal and unfortunately what people are saying to you is sometimes typical for folks that have never been there. The confusion for straight men is different but contains the same level of conflict.

We here believe you and know exactly what you mean. Children are not able to seduce adults, that is why there are ages of consent, because children are supposed to depend on adults to know the difference between right and wrong. An adult who associates with a child that, lets say has a crush on them perhaps, is supposed to be able to explain to the child (in childs terms) what is appropriate, not take advantage of the child.

You did not seduce anyone, someone took advantage of you

Your sexual preference (if it existed at the age of 8) cannot cause a normal adult to commit a crime.
 
You did nolthing wrong and people should know that no child wants to be raped. The perp was on a POWER TRIP and took advadage of your age. We beleive you. Tom
 
Branson,

Think about it. How in hell could an 8 yr old kid seduce anyone? You were taken advantage of by a sick pervert who was turned on by an 8 year old. It could have been you or anyone else. He wanted to sexually abuse a kid! You just happened to be that kid. It was NOTHING you did. It was ALL him and HIS sick agenda. Don't take on HIS guilt.

I cannot imagine any rational adult blaming an 8 yr old child of seduction. They are either in complete denial OR they are looking for a rationale as to why they think you are gay. Being gay and being abused has nothing to do woth each other. I am not gay, and I was sexually taken advantage of since I was about 9-10 yrs old by older kids and raped when I was 16. It had nothing to do with my sexual preference.

If you do nothing else, get pass the notion that any of your abuse was your fault. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm working on that, I think a lot of the guys here are working on that, and I hope you know that we will try to help you work to get rid of those feelings.

It's not your guilt or shame...it's your perps' guilt and shame or they wouldn't give a damn IF, or WHO you told about it.
 
Maybe adults, parents in particular, blame the child because they cannot face their own failure. In many cases it is the failure of the adults to properly protect their children from predators that leads to the abuse. It is just so much easier for them, especially if they really were negligent, to place the blame on the child than to accept their own guilt.

Aden
 
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