Taking stock at year's end - a gratitude list
johnsurvived
Registrant
This has really been kind of an incredible year for me. At this time last year, I was in such a world of hurt and confusion. Things are so much better today, and they will continue to improve in 2006. Maybe not so quickly, but still improve. Because of the remarkable journey I've begun, I figured it was time to look around and see how I'd gotten this far and list some of the things that really, really helped me. I couldn't have done this on my own, and in no particular order, here are the things I could not have done without on this odd little trip:
1. My life partner, whose support and faith have been tested to the utmost, and who is still there for me day in and day out. His love, kindness, and innumerable practical helps have been, without doubt, the singlemost important thing that got me where I am.
2. My therapist, who did his doctoral research into the impact of CSA on long-term personality development and whose insights into me and my life experience have been a constant source of amazement and learning.
3. The guys in my therapy group for male survivors; every one of them shared at a level that was painful yet healing. Each made some specific contributions that had resounding impact on me. And the opportunity to spend one night each week in the company of a group of others where we could all just feel normal was an incredible tonic for my self-esteem.
4. The book "Betrayed as Boys" by Richard Gartner. The material is comprehensive, but very well laid out, and covers the most important aspects of the effects of CSA in great depth and detail. And, too, the numerous case-history examples Dr. Gartner includes make reading the book a little bit like being in group -- it was a great way of getting to see the commonalities we share.
5. My general practitioner, who when I called saying I wanted to start anti-depressants cleared an appointment space for me that afternoon in a very busy practice. He picked the right one for me on the very first try, and it has been a big help for me.
6. The MaleSurvivor chat room and discussion boards. I got a lot of great feedback from others here when I first started visiting; it's been a great deal of fun to start giving my own feedback to others as well and (occasionally) hearing that it's been helpful. Thank you, each and every one of you, who have written PMs or posted stuff that got me thinking, or who listened and responded in a gentle, supportive way when I was on a rant in the chat. You are too numerous already to mention by individual names, but I hope all of you know who you are.
7. Mike Lew's "Victims No Longer." Another critical tool for helping me piece my own puzzle together.
8. Music. It has really helped me get in touch with my grief, sadness, anger, shame, despair, and guilt, but also my joy, my love, my happiness, my quirkiness, myself.
9. My boss, who hired me promptly even with a less-than-stellar resume and despite knowing almost all of my worst recent experiences. Landing that job, and working for that man, have been huge growth experiences for me as a person, but have also provided a great wealth of practical knowledge that will be with me for the rest of my professional career.
10. Me. I could not have done this without taking a good, hard look squarely at myself and trusting a few people around me enough to start talking about my life in honest terms. I also could not have come this far without the courage to recognize the small incremental improvements I've experienced and make further use of them.
That's probably not the "comprehensive" list, but that is all I can think of for now. Come to think of it, reading survivors' narratives, novels and poetry have also helped.
I'd love to hear what helps most for others, too.
John
1. My life partner, whose support and faith have been tested to the utmost, and who is still there for me day in and day out. His love, kindness, and innumerable practical helps have been, without doubt, the singlemost important thing that got me where I am.
2. My therapist, who did his doctoral research into the impact of CSA on long-term personality development and whose insights into me and my life experience have been a constant source of amazement and learning.
3. The guys in my therapy group for male survivors; every one of them shared at a level that was painful yet healing. Each made some specific contributions that had resounding impact on me. And the opportunity to spend one night each week in the company of a group of others where we could all just feel normal was an incredible tonic for my self-esteem.
4. The book "Betrayed as Boys" by Richard Gartner. The material is comprehensive, but very well laid out, and covers the most important aspects of the effects of CSA in great depth and detail. And, too, the numerous case-history examples Dr. Gartner includes make reading the book a little bit like being in group -- it was a great way of getting to see the commonalities we share.
5. My general practitioner, who when I called saying I wanted to start anti-depressants cleared an appointment space for me that afternoon in a very busy practice. He picked the right one for me on the very first try, and it has been a big help for me.
6. The MaleSurvivor chat room and discussion boards. I got a lot of great feedback from others here when I first started visiting; it's been a great deal of fun to start giving my own feedback to others as well and (occasionally) hearing that it's been helpful. Thank you, each and every one of you, who have written PMs or posted stuff that got me thinking, or who listened and responded in a gentle, supportive way when I was on a rant in the chat. You are too numerous already to mention by individual names, but I hope all of you know who you are.
7. Mike Lew's "Victims No Longer." Another critical tool for helping me piece my own puzzle together.
8. Music. It has really helped me get in touch with my grief, sadness, anger, shame, despair, and guilt, but also my joy, my love, my happiness, my quirkiness, myself.
9. My boss, who hired me promptly even with a less-than-stellar resume and despite knowing almost all of my worst recent experiences. Landing that job, and working for that man, have been huge growth experiences for me as a person, but have also provided a great wealth of practical knowledge that will be with me for the rest of my professional career.
10. Me. I could not have done this without taking a good, hard look squarely at myself and trusting a few people around me enough to start talking about my life in honest terms. I also could not have come this far without the courage to recognize the small incremental improvements I've experienced and make further use of them.
That's probably not the "comprehensive" list, but that is all I can think of for now. Come to think of it, reading survivors' narratives, novels and poetry have also helped.
I'd love to hear what helps most for others, too.
John
