Taking Martial Arts

TW16

Member, Male
Several years ago a therapist told me that I ought to take martial arts, so I decided to take Taekwondo. After training for about six months and becoming a green belt, I was in LA on a trip, and had been assaulted by someone. After talking to somebody about what had happened, I was told told that either I wanted it to happen, or I am a coward because it is difficult to believe that someone who know Taekwondo couldn't defend himself. I told this individual, that, not only do I know only a little bit of taekwondo, but also that I didn't know how to defend myself against this particular attack--which the attacker came at me from behind and pinned me down on the my stomach on my bed. I was not believed about what had happened, and this resulted in further problems for me immediately, and later on down the road.

It has now been about seven years since the incident--and me taking Taeknowdop--and looking back, I think that is what lead me to ultimately quitting training. Today, I want to go back and resume my training, but I am reminded about what had happened to me the last time I trained. Is this person right? Am I a coward because, being a green belt, (or studying for about six months' time), is sufficient enough to be able to defend myself? I have already gone back and spoken to my instructor about continuing my study of Taekwondo, and I am expected to test for my blue belt in only nine days' time. The further I progress, the more afraid I become of the possibility of failing once again and being rapped--or just physically hurt. Pretty ironic as you are supposed to become more confident as you progress in a martial arts.

TW16
 

house

Registrant
Hey Tw16
Sorry that happen to you, but in my opinion six months is not a lot of time for learning Taekwondo to the point you act out of muscle memory. That is my understanding about martial arts it comes down to muscle memory, you don't do much thinking in a situation like the one you were in. I know when I took up golf it took years to get the muscle memory I needed to improve. I don't think it means your a coward at all and try not to judge or define yourself by this one event. Maybe you can talk to your instructor about the process and find a way to increase your confidence in your ability to defend yourself. I think it says a lot about your character that you are going back to start learning again. Wish you the best House
 

MACH123

Registrant
Thanks for your post. These are core issues and extremely difficult and it talked courage to say I don't have any.

I look at it as my symptoms and I forgave myself with the therapist helping me. It didn't change anything but I feel better. So it did.

So I don't see myself as a failed man (coward) which I could easily, but I wouldn't be alive if I hadn't let that go.

So they sent me to be with the girls and the girls are happy to have me so what? (A figure of speech) I should complain?

I'm not one of the men. Even though the therapist insists I keep this in mind, what sort of man I am, and how it's good to be sensitive and musical and feminine, which I am.

But I don't expect the men to accept me. I support them and I stay away from them. In the final analysis I doubt the alpha males, who can beat the hell out of anyone or die trying, are any happier than I. I've known lots of those guys.

So I'm pretty good at jui-jitsu I spent 6 years on the mat. I could grapple with the semi pro fighters and hold my own. Most were young enough to be my sons.

It didn't make me tough. It didn't fix my fawning/freeze reflex and it didn't make me more confident or aggressive. I never was any of those things and not being like that made me hate myself.

I had to give that hating myself up. It hurts. I gave up Jiu-jitsu my arthritis hurts. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I try not to fight with anyone, especially me.
 
I don't see you as a coward at all. And I agree that six months and a green belt are not time or mastery. You be you. Do what YOU want to, not what someone else SAYS you should do.

I received intense hand to hand combat in the military and it is still with me. It was parts of each martial art.
 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
Several years ago a therapist told me that I ought to take martial arts, so I decided to take Taekwondo. After training for about six months and becoming a green belt, I was in LA on a trip, and had been assaulted by someone. After talking to somebody about what had happened, I was told told that either I wanted it to happen, or I am a coward because it is difficult to believe that someone who know Taekwondo couldn't defend himself. I told this individual, that, not only do I know only a little bit of taekwondo, but also that I didn't know how to defend myself against this particular attack--which the attacker came at me from behind and pinned me down on the my stomach on my bed. I was not believed about what had happened, and this resulted in further problems for me immediately, and later on down the road.

It has now been about seven years since the incident--and me taking Taeknowdop--and looking back, I think that is what lead me to ultimately quitting training. Today, I want to go back and resume my training, but I am reminded about what had happened to me the last time I trained. Is this person right? Am I a coward because, being a green belt, (or studying for about six months' time), is sufficient enough to be able to defend myself? I have already gone back and spoken to my instructor about continuing my study of Taekwondo, and I am expected to test for my blue belt in only nine days' time. The further I progress, the more afraid I become of the possibility of failing once again and being rapped--or just physically hurt. Pretty ironic as you are supposed to become more confident as you progress in a martial arts.

TW16
I know you know this, but its worth saying and its very hard to believe and remember: being raped is not a failing on your part. its not a weakness on your part. its not your fault at all.
being raped is the weakness and the failing and the fault of the rapist. they had no self control, they had no respect for another human and they failed the test of what it means to be human.
im sorry that the martial arts are bringing it back. I hate that we have been stripped of enjoying the things we like because of the bad experiences we have.
you are still healing and you are still growing and you will continue to do so.
 
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