taken advantage *triggers*


unfortunately my partner has hurt me in awful ways and i’m having a bit of an emotional crisis. last night we hung out at his place and smoked and ate and drank ya know typical indulgent stuff. him and his roommate have a cat and a dog and i have allergies so i took two benadryls two calm down my sinuses. a combo of being high/drunk and the benadryl has me SUPER drowsy. i remember being outside on my back laying on his hammock and he’s standing in front of me and i guess i initiated contact but then it goes dark. next i remember looking at his stomach as he’s going in and out of my mouth. he’s doing all the work as i just lay there. i close my eyes and it goes dark again.

when i open my eyes again i’m laying on my stomach in his bedroom with most of my body on the bed and my feet dangling off, barely touching the floor. i feel a pain and look back and see him standing over me. i feel so weak and tired but groan for him to stop and i try to reach back and push him back but he grabs both my wrists and pins me. i close my eyes and try to relax because i feel too weak to protest further.

i’m not sure how long that lasted or if i fell asleep again but i felt propelled back into reality when i felt terrible pain as he had himself basically all the way in. i was hurting really bad and i tried to make noise but he put his arm around my neck and had me in a head lock so i couldn’t yell. eventually he pulled out and finished and took me to the shower to clean me then put me in his bed and cuddled me until i fell asleep and took me home this morning. he texted me earlier today asking if i’m okay and if i enjoyed myself which clearly he knows i did not.

i’m not sure if he realizes the severity of his actions towards me or if i’m genuinely dating an evil person who has motives to hurt others. i feel like i can’t tell my friends bc what can they do? my family would just ridicule and interrogate me in my life. i should probably be talking to a therapist about this but i’m SOL in that category so i suppose the void of the internet is my best bet for now...
First off, forget Benadryl, take zyrtec or Claritin. They don't make you drowsy like Benadryl does. I have bad allergies to cats and dogs. Not sure what to say about your BF. Was this the first time he's hurt you or is this a regular occurrence? Are you dating him because you don't have any other options at the moment? If the answers are yes its happened multiple times and yes on the dating side then you ought to reconsider this relationship. Its worse to stay in a empty relationship than to be alone. I've seen too many friends go thru it. Its clear the relationship is dead but they just don't admit it. If he is the dom type and you don't like that then again best to move on. But I really know nothing about you two so I'm just guessing at it.