Survivors Resolutions
2005! I'll be the big 3-0 this year. Got some goals i'll be setting myself, that I hope (hope) will heal.
Welp, here goes:
1) Come out of the shell: This means, spend some time with friends and (maybe) family. Isolation has been a dominant theme for well over a year now. Everyone thinks its drugs or alcoholism. That's safe that they think that...for now.
2) Quit thinking "everyone knows": first, I gotta understand what they know. It's best if I remain less presumptious. Understand why I feel as if "they know whats going on!".
3) Therapy. Preferably a group setting with male peers. Use this site as a foundation for seeking this type of help.
4) Clean my apartment. Believe it or not, packrat. I dont know if obsessive-compulsion is one of the results of SA - but, I cant even throw away those coupon mailers. This probably has something to do with loss? or holding on?
5) Relax, breathe. When someone stands behind me, i'll stop breathing. I dont notice right away - but, when I do I can just breath.
6) Throw out superstitious thought patterns: I'm not being experimented on by "Nazi Scientists who want to study the subserviant effects of SA, so that such SA can be leveraged to make a more civil, subserviant society". Although this would make an interesting plot for a book, I gotta stop believing it might be true.
7) Get to know my neighbors. I am tired of freaking them out, by yelling aggressive things at them because I think they do home improvements to piss me off. Well, they do hammer things at 11:00 at night. But, I could always quit assuming it's done to irritate me.
8) Trust men. Trust women. Not everyone wants to have sex or "use" me. Breathe. Relax. And let the burden of thought rest.
Guys, these are real goals for me. I hope to achieve at least the first three. I know this post wont be here next year, but it symbolically represents 'etched in stone'.
Welp, here goes:
1) Come out of the shell: This means, spend some time with friends and (maybe) family. Isolation has been a dominant theme for well over a year now. Everyone thinks its drugs or alcoholism. That's safe that they think that...for now.
2) Quit thinking "everyone knows": first, I gotta understand what they know. It's best if I remain less presumptious. Understand why I feel as if "they know whats going on!".
3) Therapy. Preferably a group setting with male peers. Use this site as a foundation for seeking this type of help.
4) Clean my apartment. Believe it or not, packrat. I dont know if obsessive-compulsion is one of the results of SA - but, I cant even throw away those coupon mailers. This probably has something to do with loss? or holding on?
5) Relax, breathe. When someone stands behind me, i'll stop breathing. I dont notice right away - but, when I do I can just breath.
6) Throw out superstitious thought patterns: I'm not being experimented on by "Nazi Scientists who want to study the subserviant effects of SA, so that such SA can be leveraged to make a more civil, subserviant society". Although this would make an interesting plot for a book, I gotta stop believing it might be true.
7) Get to know my neighbors. I am tired of freaking them out, by yelling aggressive things at them because I think they do home improvements to piss me off. Well, they do hammer things at 11:00 at night. But, I could always quit assuming it's done to irritate me.
8) Trust men. Trust women. Not everyone wants to have sex or "use" me. Breathe. Relax. And let the burden of thought rest.
Guys, these are real goals for me. I hope to achieve at least the first three. I know this post wont be here next year, but it symbolically represents 'etched in stone'.
