Survivors of childhoos physical abuse / HAS TRIGGERS

[al]

Been thinking about something and want to pick everyones brain (not nose). I was talking to a friend recenlty about this and i wanna see if im out in left field or evenin the ballpark. About those of us that were pysically abused when we were kids.

When we misbehaved we got hit. When that happend, the responsilbility of the thing was taken out of our hands. We didnt have to figure out what went wrong or how to fix it. I guess deep down i felt that the pushishment got me off the hook of the crime. To make matters worse i learned to deal with the beatings by making myself believe i deserved them . To this day i have a hard time believing othersiwe, my head says i didnt deserve it but my heart says i did or they wouldnt have dished it up.

If im right about this then it means we have to find a way to take responsibility for our actions better and tru to figure out what went wrong. Then we need to figure out how to fix it. This isnt easy, its easier to just get mad and find a way to push it away. Id rather get mad and just delete this message than deal with it

Anyway what do you guys think.

Also thinking about those times we didnt misbehave and got the heave ho anyway. We learned that it didnt matter what we did nothing was good enough anyway and no matter what happend it was always our fault .

No idea what to do about thtis one.

 

Al,

Good subject. There is discipline and then there is crossing the line to abuse. My stepdad was really always over that line. Spanking weren't with hands, or even a belt, but the bristle side of a hairbrush. That's not punishment, that's abuse.

Like you, I anticipated the beatings. And they were mostly on trumped up things. Such as pick a bean up with my fingers from a plate. Yeah, everytime I had the slightest doubt about anything, I knew I had to be punished because I was obviously wrong.

That change in the way I percieve things is happening slowly. But as I have much more confidence in my abilities to make decisions, I lose that feeling more and more.

Peace,

Marc

 

[MikeNY]

My father used a leather belt with metal holes, sticks, wooden spoons, just about anything. He stopped doing it when I laughed in his face when he did it once. At first it made him angy and he did it harder, so I just looked at him and laughed more. I always knew that what my father was doing was abusive. I never knew all of the effects of it. As for what you are asking, I always took responsibility for my actions and even imposed punishments on myself. What my father did had no effect on me with regards to responsibility and being held accountable for my actions.

 

[Mike Church]

Al I wont reiterate my survivor story here. But it was chock full of physical abuse. They came home drunk a beat me up. They came home sober and beat me up. They came home angry and beat me up. When I actually did something wrong they beat me up. When someone else did something wrong they beat me up. Boy did that ever set me up for violent sexual abuse as a teenager.

Physical abuse is just that!!! There are decent ways to reprimand children. But when the physical abuse is added to the known contempt with which you are thought of it can imprint on your mind and in your soul that this is normal and acceptable. It never was a never ever will be for any child.

I dont know if this helps but I hope it does.

 

[reality2k4]

al, hey it is common, I got belted, but funny enough I believed I should have been. If I did wrong, I would take the punishment, school would be the same.

What I really hated was my siblings blaming me for everything and anything that went wrong, so I took the beating for that too, I remember screaming out that not everything is "my" fault, the same in school, I would get the blame there, and more beating.

At school, it was easier, as I started to fight the bullies, so the other kids would side with me in naming the real culprits, which gave me huge satisfaction, to humiliate them for a change.

Adults should never beat children full stop, an abused child becomes so much self aware of being beaten for the slightest thing, so he tries never to make mistakes, he still gets beaten for things others' did###

It is a wonder we didn't lose our sanity.

You are not alone in what went on, sadly it is another shit thing we had to endure as little kids who were already deeply hurt!

When I look back on surviving such crap for many years, is it any wonder that we ever get to where we are today? I cannot even think how I got through life, I nearly didn't.

It shows just how much strength we had, but sadly it saps us as adults.

You have shown much courage in life, so have all the others who come here,

take care,

ste