Survivor - What does it mean?

Survivor - What does it mean?
WalkingSouth

WalkingSouth

Hi guys,

Theres something thats been bothering me lately. I sometimes feel as if my mind cannot reason through all of this stuff. I start out clueless and I end up the same way.

Intellectually I understand so much but it does not always translate into what I would define as a genuine understanding from the heart. Does that make sense?

For instance, I have been struggling with the concept of what it means to be a survivor. To be real honest, Im not sure I know. Sometimes I think Im down with it, and other times its almost a foreign concept to me.

What I thought I would like to see from you guys is a thread similar to the Lies thread from a few weeks ago in which each of us shares in a few short words (or long ones if you feel so inclined) on what being a survivor means to them.

I know that it will be a big help to me and more than likely many of the rest of you as well. Ill start with one thats been on my mind the last few days.

Being a survivor means taking the bad things that happened to me, turning them around, and using what Ive learned because of them to make my life and the lives of those around me better.

Those of you that have been here longer than I may already have participated in something like this. If thats the case, you have two choices as I see it. You can either humor me :D and do it again, or you can point me to the proper thread :cool: . Either way, thanks guys. Im really coming to appreciate each of you and what you bring to our group here.

Courage,

John
 
I struggle with this term as well. Right now I'd say that survivor means I am no longer being abused. This can be very early in our years. For me it's about how to live with what has happened. It means dealing with the self destructive behavior and moving past it. It feels like I have been surviving for almost 30 years. I'm hoping that I can move past surviving and begin living ... it doesn't seem like I have been living all these years.

I wish there where a term that referred to move beyond surviving. I guess the english language doesn't have an appropriate term. Perhaps we'll have to creat one.
 
Surviving means you are still here in this world. Learning is when you can face yourself in the mirror of some realm where we can look at ourselves without the fog of whatever it is we do to keep the fog there. Overcoming is when we decide that we CAN face what we do and that WE have the POWER to decide for ourselves HOW we will live.

The greatest thing I have learned through all this is that we can decide. The hardest thing is finding the place where we are strong enough to take control. No, the hardest thing is maitin control.

I feel better than I have in years, but there are still times that I become extremely depressed. But... I now have some strength to reach down inside and pull myself back out, because it is what I WANT to do.

Don't know if that makes any sense or relates at all to your question, but I felt the need to write, something I have not done lately.
 
Being a survivor to me means getting through the day. It means harnessing all the negative emotions and try to channel them into positive outcomes. There are people who have not survived abuse and it's effects. It is a very real thing to survive sexual abuse and not plummet down into the darkness never to return. So basically it means to get through today and work for a better tomorrow.
 
It is been real hard, emotional few weeks for me. But I think, to me? Survivor means I can make it through of the 'lesser events' of my life right now. Even at times, I feel so much overwhelmed like 'I can not handle no more', that I am a survivor means yes, I can. And I will. And I also will make my life better, because unlike the abuse, it is what I deserve.

Andrei
 
John,

This thread is a good idea, and a few months ago I would have said that I had no idea what it means to be a survivor.

Now, on the principle that anything is better than nothing, I think I have at least some clue. At first I thought no, I won't post this, but now I think I will. It may be interesting further on down the road to look back and see what I thought on 1 October 2005.

For me right now, my short answer is that being a survivor means I am on a path that will lead me to a better understanding of how sexual abuse affected me, how I can fruitfully respond to that challenge, and what I can expect to gain from my efforts.

Slightly longer answers: Being a survivor means I have to look honestly at what happened to me and accept that sexual abuse destroyed my childhood and left me with deep negative feelings about myself, the world, and my place in it. I have to learn to honor and respect these feelings, as a part of me is and will always be that terrified 11-year-old who doesn't understand what has just happened. I have to accept a lot of painful truths, since I cannot respond effectively to hurt that I won't or can't acknowledge.

In terms of my response to abuse, being a survivor means I must learn to accept some more hard realities: there are no answers to the big "why" questions, and many times my best efforts will seem to lead me nowhere except into more hurt. I have to trust myself. In order to do that I have to believe (and not just know) that what happened wasn't my fault. I have to learn to ask for help and accept it. In order to do that I have to trust people and believe I am worth helping.

I am a bit clearer these days on what I get for my trouble. I know I don't get to "forget" everything or "solve" it in a way that explains it away. I will always be a survivor. But I will learn to live a life that is fruitful, joyful and peaceful for me and those I care about, and not corroded or controlled by destructive negative feelings.

I am also learning to see that while I would not wish the ordeal on my worst enemy, perhaps it has made me a more compassionate person, or allowed me to discover that dimension of myself. I am learning to stop fighting against the idea of being a survivor, and instead to explore the challenges that I otherwise would not have had.

Let's see if I can actually post this. It lets out a lot more feeling than I am accustomed to exposing here.

Larry
 
For me Survivor means, that I have had to deal with a wagon load of crap in my early years, but at the age of nearly 50 I can safely say that I have come through it and now I am not ashamed of my abuse any longer.

Kirk
 
a sense of of two tears in a bucket ...


my father was so bad -

i rather say my father is jesus or god -

or a very good friend who treat me better than father ever did -

m
 
a sense of of two tears in a bucket ...

kirk said "I can safely say that I have come through it and now I am not ashamed of my abuse any longer."

i cannot - get there - kirk -


my father was so bad -

i rather say my father is jesus or god -
at least i look to them or virgin mary -

or the very good friend who treat me better than father ever did -

m
 
My thoughts for the moment - a Survivor is someone that does what they are happy doing on a daily basis.

This doesn't mean that what you do on a daily basis is perfection, but that it is OK.

I'm not sure that I quite get that myself at the moment, but I know what I mean!?

Best wishes ...Rik
 
My first response is a suggestion that everybody re-reads ROADRUNNER's post. I think it is so spot on Larry. Thankyou. I almost don't feel I can add anything further that is worthy but here goes anyway.

Being a Survivor for me means acknowledging that bad sexual abuse happended to me as a child, it was wrong, it wasn't my fault and it's the reason why so many things are out of whack in my life and emotions. All basic abuse survivor 101 stuff I know, but it helps knowing why and knowing that it's not just me being messed up for no particular reason.
 
I'm here. I made it. When life tried to beat me, I survived. I was strong. I am strong. No matter how bad it gets, life won't get me, because I long ago decided....when I was a small child....that, if this is the way it was going to be, I'd be one of the ones who made it. I'm just too damn mean to give in.

Now, that said, I have a terrible time surviving me. They/He are not going to beat me, but what about that strong little guy inside me who decided to win at all costs, who put his vulnerability away, put his hard little head down and charged into life? The final fight for survival is between us. The hurt didn't go away, it was just pushed aside for awhile until there was time to take it out and look at it again. The old me didn't even know it was there until it came bursting forth seemingly out of nowhere...with a vengeance.

And now being a survivor means a whole different thing. I have survived life through pure will. Now it's not enough just to be strong. Now I have to have more. Now I have to understand instead of just accepting all of those things...the baggage...that I carried with me through life. Now I have to be healthy. Now I have to overcome "him" and what he did and how I reacted, and I have to bring feeling back to that little guy who put it away so long ago.

Before, being a survival meant getting through life at all costs and coming out the other side alive and strong. Now being a survivor means recapturing all of those feeling parts of me I had to put in safe keeping to do that. Bobby
 
Gosh Bobby, It's like you read my mind. How did you do that? What you described as your view of "Survival" is taken right out of my playbook.

Bless you for putting into words what I could not.

Courage,

John
 
Thanks a bunch guys for posting what "survivor" means to you. It has really helped me a whacking lot.

I go back and read this periodically just to make sure I remember some of the things you said so that when the dark moments come I can remember them and begin to think more positively.

Courage,

John
 
It means nothing to me. It is the latest buzzword to hide what we really are: victims. I didn't survive anything. I was the victim of a monster hidden in human form and no buzzword is going to change that or help me recover. Nor will my recovery take place by identifying myself with the latest catch phrase. I was a victim. Now I am not. Simple as that.
 
Ok, Nobby. That's an interesting way to look at it. Sort of where I started some time back. When you say you didn't survive anything, I assume you mean that figuratively since you were alive enough to post your reply.

I really would like you to unpack what you said a little more if you would since in a way I can relate to what you say. Just not able to verbalize it. It could be of help since to me it doesn't seem quite as "simple as that"

Courage,

John
 
Nobby,

Like John, I would like to hear a bit more about what you meant in your post. I don't say this to confront you, just to ask.

In one way I would agree: nothing (not a buzzword or anything else) can change what happened. But to say "I am a victim" means what? In an SA context I would take that to mean "I was harmed for the sake of someone else's gratification". But how then is it that you are no longer a victim?

I suppose any term can be loaded with meaning for some and just a buzzword for others. Maybe it would be helpful for you to discuss a bit more fully how you feel about this.

Take care,
Larry
 
I think the word survivor has two meanings. First, if we are still here, then we survived the abuse and were not destroyed by it either by the perps of such abuse, at our own hands, or through self-destructive behaviors. Personally, I considered suicide alot. Second, survivor also implies what Roadrunner spelled out as an active healing process. I like to think of this as a "practicing survivor", not someone living passively and just hanging on that survived as in the first example, but someone engaged in healing and the discovery of all the good things that actually do exist in this world, including themselves. But it is true, to be a survivor is to be wounded physically/mentally/spiritually, and that like any severe wound there are bound to be scars that linger throughout our lives - an unfortunately reality. I refer to mine as the invisible 800-lb gorilla in my back pocket. Thanks for the thread John, I grew a little bit reading all the responses.

Thanks again,
John
 
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