survivor seeking perspective from "family and friends"

[fhorns]

Guys and ladies,
I posted in Off Topic that I never learned what fun was. I was never taught, and when I got older and "more responsible", fun wasn't something that was very important.
So here I am in my second year in marriage, a beautifal 18 month-old daughter, steady jobs (3 jobs), a college class, counseling, bible study, and time here at MS.

I'm sure some of you out there can relate here. My wife thought she had to carry me for the longest time since my "issues were weighting us down". I don't think I knew what the hell I was doing then. I am referring to almost 3 years ago when I was busy with full-time college coursework, a new marriage, counselling, lots of 12 step meetings, and MS. So here I am again. Pretty similar, but aware. Would you please share your experiences if they are similar? Who else out has "gotten better" as a family? I would like to know. I appreciate all of it, but I'd love to hear people who have balanced out. Thank you.

I quit one of the jobs last night. Well, peaceful firing since I call out every 3 weeks or so. Manager understood I was too busy, but I still got "fired" since I called out Friday night. I didn't want that (firing!). oh well.

P.S. Please use "I" messages. The "You" messages ("You should..", "You could", etc.) are often controlling, and I don't take it well. Thank you.

 

[TRACYUK]

Hi

What a lovely post. Its great to hear a survivor and family doing so well. We are just a couple, no kids, but I think the the best thing we ever did was start concentrating on being the healthiest we could be as individuals and leave each other the freedom to "heal" in our own way. Being the architect of ones own recovery became, still is, paramount to us. This was an issue for me as I had a tendancy to be interfering / controlling, thought I had all the best ideas etc etc..

We also started to do more fun things together and its been a bit of a snowball gathering pace really. We also listen t each other so much more than we ever did and have to have very good reason to critisize or negate each others needs, wants etc..

We also are really really brave. We've been so scared so many times it does sort of feel as if we close our eyes, hold our breath and DO IT, wait for the world to crash about us and look around gingerly when it doesnt. An example is phsycosexual therapy! We couldnt talk to each other about sex and now we go talk to a stranger and plan exciting!!?? intimate things to do together. It still makes me cringe. We also keep it real and are very honest with each other. Makes us realize how much we used to tell each other what we thought the other wanted to hear.

Good luck in your journey together, its been nice to put down in words some of the good stuff, thanks for starting this.

Love

Tracy

 

[Trish4850]

fhorns,

I have no long time experience and I'm not married, but my b/f and I have been together for 4-1/2 years. We've had an extremely rough couple of months but for the last several weeks we've made a conscious effort to let more of the silly, fun and laughter back in.

It's always been easier for me to do and despite the fact that he sometimes mocked me for being goofy, I kept it up 'cause it's just me. Lately, he's been joining me. Just last night he was teasing the dog because she wouldn't even get her lazy self up off her bed when he was mixing her dinner. So what does he do? He talks to the dog as if she has a clue and says if she's going to ignore him, then he's going to ignore her. He crosses his arms and marches into the living room like a funny little kid. The picture doesn't translate well in words, but it was so funny I was almost crying, especially when the dog realized he'd stopped the very important task of fixing her dinner and came into the living room just begging him to continue. I almost fell off the couch.

Everyone has silly and fun in them. I'm both relieved and honored that my b/f trusts me enough to show it to me.

I'm sorry about the job loss, but maybe that will just give you a little more time to find the funny with your family.

ROCK ON..........Trish