Surviving

[Lstincanberra]

Firstly, thanks for this being here, I have been reading items on this site and all the discussions have helped tremendously.

I am looking over the edge of an abyss and wondering how I keep walking back here. I realised today that I am broken and just can't fix myself. Those that I was looking to for help (my family), just want to control me-without realising what that does. This made me realise that for all my capabilities (and I can put such a mask on my face-not a chink in my armour) that it fools not only me but everyone around me and everyone keeps asking why I let my life fall apart. Looking at this site has made me realise that I am not alone in this, and better still that I can share my experiences with people who Understand, that you are all on the same road and indeed there is hope. Pretending that my early experiences did not affect my life keeps leaving me vunrable and I reached a point where I need to understand why the picture of my soul is blurred. All of your stories have resotred the hope that I may yet connect with people, and that I am okay. I will share my story with you when I am ready to work out which bits of my soul were torn. Yet already I feel peace. So thankyou all again. Here's a small step to the art of living as a whole person.

 

[roadrunner]

LST,

Welcome to MS and I'm glad you decided to join us. Some of the things you have seen already are so important. The effects of abuse are so often underestimated, and yes, they can last for years if you don't deal with them. Recovery isn't a do-it-yourself project, so don't blame yourself for not being able to fix it all yourself.

Learning that you aren't alone is one of the great things that survivors discover when they first come here. There is a lot of work ahead, but people here will support you on your way and will understand and believe you when you have problems or issues to discuss. Just set your own pace and don't try to do too much too fast.

Much love,
Larry

 

[Bobby]

Lstincanberra,

Hard to figure out what to call you for short. Don't know why, but when I read that you were looking over the edge of an abyss, I pictured myself at the bottom looking up at you. Don't know if that has any psychological meaning or not, except that I think I felt ready to catch you if you fell or jumped. Sometimes the abyss isn't that bad, if there's someone in here to cushion the landing and hold you for awhile once you reach bottom. So, I guess I'm saying welcome to this particular abyss. There are a lot of great people here with you. We're so sorry you had to have a reason to find us, but we're really great people and it does us a lot of good to try to help each other. You say that our stories have given you the hope that you're okay. You are okay. You're like us and we're all okay. End of discussion. Welcome, Linc (I'll figure out someway not to write Lstincanberra every time. Have a feeling Linc isn't it.) We look forward to getting to know you, and to listening to you, and to helping you understanding how okay you really are.

Bobby

 

[Lstincanberra]

Thank you for your welcoming words.

Wanted to clarify that this was not the abyss, but that my life had come to a point of disater again. Never thought to jump into it, but now come to think of it, if you get afraid then that's not living, and that there are arms ready to catch one.

MS is more a safe harbour to repair the shreds in my sail.

And I was feeling lost, so abbreviated Lost in Canberra .

 

[Born to Resist]

Hi Lost (think this is better than LiC),

I understand what you mean by not being able to fix yourself. I've spent my life trying to fix myself. You name it ... self help books ... real research. Knowing that disclosure and reaching out were always available ... I ignored pursuing them.

I reach the ends of my own capability to help myself. Then began the path of disclosing to loved one's, reaching out here on MS and a support group, and therapy. It has been very helpful ... although harder and easier. Harder because I'm getting "fixed" with methods that are uncomfortable and yet easier because I no longer have to do it by myself.

As far as the abyss ... like Bobby, I feel that I too am in the abyss.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality

 

[andrew51]

Lstincanberra,
Therapy, group and individual a huge steps towards recovery. Thanks for sharing & welcome to MS. Peace, Andrew