surving abuse and living with ADHD

[Mike Church]

To all my fellow brothers here.
I just want to let you all know that my spelling and grammer are really ok. One thing about attention deficit hyper disorder is that you have great attention to things you like to do and and have no attention span for things that do not seem to be important. I have had it explained to me that when normal people (whoever they may be) concentrate there is increased electrical activity in the frontal lobes of the brain. In my case there is no increase unless whtever it is excites me. When most have a near crash in a car and the adrenelin starts running through their veins they are almost bouncing off the wall. In my case I calm down and can actually concentrate. Screwey isnt it.
I am apoligizing for my spelling and sometime grammatically imperfect musings. I am now a child of 62 on RITALIN. Regardless of what others make think about that stimulant it is actually starting to help me. It can be addictive but I use my support system ( Wife and T) to a) ensure I do not forget to take it and b0 to take the required dosage.
Another thing about ADHD is that is is so damned frustrating to have it. I know I can do better and rage that I do not seem to carry it off in the normal non important stuff. Riding a bike is boring. Racing down the Niagara Escarpment gives me an adrenelin rush and makes is so easy to concentrate. Likewise team sports. Boring-- I cannot wait my turn. I am a thrill seeker. I wonder if any others of you have this and are unaware of it. If you think it may be the case check it out on the WEB under Men with ADHD. A recent study has found that most men in prison for violent (not sexual abuse) behaviour are blessed with ADHD. You know -Act it out before you think. We also tend to be addictive in nature- We are constantly in motion and finish peoples questions before they finish asking it- We ae thrill seekers, We use drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism-We are always judged as not meeting our potential. And so on and so on.
I am not making excuses just letting you know that checking what I have written is boring. It will get better but I do not know when> If it does not I do not really care. Take Care BROTHERS

 

[Lloydy]

Mike
I've not had any tests done, but my T and I reckon I have some ADHD. My wifes close friend works with adults who have learning disabilities and has promised to do some tests for me though.

But reading your post I'm even more convinced.
The tolerance of adreniline, and the love of it, I have as well.
I regularly go that little bit too far in my 4x4 and end up multiple rolling into the bottom of a quarry or something equally stupid, and if there's 4 wheels left and they're on the bottom I will just drive off laughing my head off. Spectators and other drivers are genuinley frightened. I don't get many passengers, well - they only come once !

Team sports do nothing for me either. I like my thrills up close and personal, which is why acting out became such a buzz for me. And the truth is I miss that buzz, because I can't re-create it any other way that I've found yet.
My 4x4 has a steel cage, harness' and safety gear. It's a safe risk, acting out was an all or nothing deal. Get caught - lose my wife house job friends and family, that's some risk - some buzz. That's how it seemed at the time anyway.

My ADHD makes it extremely difficult for me to learn anything in a normal way. I can use this computer, but it's been years of trial and error.
I build my 4x4's from the wheels up, with no drawings or calculations. I can visualise complex things like a working suspension system in my mind, like a hologram.
My handbooks, textbooks are untouched, as are the instructions for the VCR, the DVD and everything else.
I read the first paragraph and get MEGO ( My Eyes Glaze Over ) imagine the problems this causes a maintainence engineer like me !
Nothing at all sinks in from text books and instruction books, never has.
But I can read complex novels and grasp the plot, what's going on there ? I don't know.
But frustrating doesn't come in to it sometimes.

This has led to me being barely qualified, in fact I failed my apprenticeship and bullshitted my way into jobs ever since. And I KNOW that I'm not stupid or thick, which is what all my teachers called me.
And this realisation was a major thing in me making the decision to get help.

A few years back I was drafted into a 'Focus Group' at work as the token 'worker'.
I went along and was introduced to the group of about 10 others - directors, senior managers and assorted high flyers ( arse lickers )
The whole thing terrified me at first, but after a few meetings I started to think "are they really SO smart ?" and by the end I KNEW that I was as smart as they were, just different.

That whole thing changed my attitude, and it needed changing because I was at the worst of my acting out at this time.
It changed the way I felt about myself, and I began to take notice of how other people actually went about their lives. I saw that they weren't the perfect people I thought they were, and I also saw that I was actually a lot closer to them than I believed; except for one thing. I sought out strangers and gave them blow jobs.

And I started to ask myself "WHY ?"

Dave