Surprised By The Rejection

[zookeeper]

Hi Guys
I must say I had not fully prepared myself for the responses I would receive after making a disclosure about my Abuse. People who knew me in childhood could see the evidence of the neglect, but most were children themselves at that time and would never have suspected the bruises. This part of my social circle has been kind and supportive. But some of my newer friends have been less than kind and a couple have even told me that Im being dramatic and "everybody goes through kid stuff". I think my emotions would best be labeled sadness and surprise mixed with a good does of angry and hurt.
I guess their weren't as good of friends to me as I was to them.

 

[ForeverFighting]

Zoo, I am also surprised at people who just don't get it, and never will. One guy said that he just didn't understand what I'm going through and doesn't get why so much has been written on the subject. One of the guys on my work team who initially seemed so nice and empathetic a few days ago now says, Well, we don't want you to burn out again. Excuse me? "Burnout"?? I'm not going through hell now because I typed one too many memos.

They don't get it and they never will, no matter how flabbergasting that is to us.

I finally stopped that last guy and talked really slow to him. "Think of it as my having an old football injury. My knee really hurts sometimes, still, especially if I do too much. Then I have to stop, take care of my knee, and strengthen the muscles so I can walk more normally again."

You know what he said? "You played football?"

 

[zookeeper]

Good grief! I got given the number a Psychic Healer? Really? I don't Miss Cleo has anything that would help at this point.

Thanks FF, its nice to know Im not the only one dealing with thoughtless people.
Your Friend
Zookeeper-Brian

 

[kwawk]

ZK - i feel your hurt, but i'm a little surprised that you are surprised. Admittedly, I'm cynical about humanity, but I don't expect that anyone wants to know this about me (or anyone else). Unless it's someone i know truly cares about me (or someone who has given me reason to think they'd be supportive), i'm not going to set myself up by telling anyone.

Sometimes I mention in vague terms, to specific people, that my childhood was "messed up", to open a door to others that if they ever wanted someone supportive to talk to about any struggles they are having, i'd be a safe person to share with. Because you never know who might be "one of us".

But i don't expect support, or interest or compassion from most people. I guess you could say I have issues with trust.... hmmm, i wonder why that would be.....

 

[zookeeper]

kwawk, I understand the trust and cynicism issues. I have tried to push myself but I always come back to the conclusion that people are basically pretty awful, unless they choose to be better. If my obvious mental health issues didn't require some explanation, I would be still be silent. As it is my "disclosure" consists of a pretty pat statement "i am suffering from PTSD due to pervasive childhood physical abuse and neglect and sexual abuse" From there on I on a don't ask don't tell standing. But some of my "friends" have been frankly sh-tty about their response. I have decided there are two teams, my team and not my team. If they cant support me then, Bless You. But I the know they are not my friend.
Zookeeper-Brian

 

[Bluedogone]

Zookeeper,

I certainly understand the "my team" and "not my team" concept.
I have had someone who was disappointing in their reactions. Someone I thought was a good friend, we had discussed so many different things, some pretty personal, who I thought would understand. Big mistake. I have a lot of trust issues, so it was someone I had known for over two years before even considering mentioning it. What I thought was a very personal thing to even bring up was met with a "Yeah, most kids go through something like that." Needless to say, it wasn't the response I was looking for. I could MAYBE understand his lack of knowledge about abuse, or silence if he chose not to face it, but to brush it aside as no big deal was really surprising. I suppose not too surprising, we changed from good friends to merely a passing acquaintance.

But on a positive note, I was surprised by the response from my son. He was repairing my computer and asked about several emails and entries for MS. I reluctantly briefly told him about some of the childhood abuse. He was very concerned, hugged me and asked about the effects from the past on life now. He said he was glad I told him, he had no idea. Very emotional, the only time we cried together, except when his dog died. So, I guess it can work both ways. The problem is trying to decide who will respond as you would expect.

 

[zookeeper]

Blue
Thank you for that beautiful honest post. I really appreciate sharing that and it certainly helps to know that there are other guys who have been through this ( although I hate the thought of any of you guys being hurt) and understand.
You made the day a little better
Thanks again
B

 

[PhoenixRising]

People dont get it, but also dont want to. Your son may not understand what exactly you went through, he can't, but what he understands is that you hurt and were hurt..that simple yet profound response is healing 9even in the reading of it)..

I wrote something years ago:

The Things You Take For Granted

Words you speak
They can not reach
The feelings deep inside
For walls I’ve built
To keep me safe
From damage that I hide



Hands that touch
That could yet heal
I won’t allow them still
For hands have caused
My body pain
And held against my will

I try to say
But looks deceive
You do not understand it
These things in life
I struggle with
Are things you take for granted

 

[zookeeper]

PR

Thats beautiful, thanks so much for sharing with me.

B