Supporting a partner with depression

Supporting a partner with depression
M

mmfan

Registrant
In some ways I feel like depression takes a greater toll than PTSD does. We have dealt with his PTSD for many years and it has improved over time. But in its place is a very dark depression. I feel like a failure because I'm unable to bring him hope. He used to greatly look forward to time spent together. Now it barely seems to register. I know it's not personal, so its not that --it really worries me to see him in such a dark place, and I feel helpless to do anything. He feels suicidal regularly and I have seen enough on MS to know it is a real risk.

He is in therapy once a week. I wish he would increase it to twice a week, but for various reasons that hasn't happened.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice, solidarity or just being heard today, but thank you for allowing me to share.
 
In my experience the process of going through therapy is pretty full on, and things tend to get worse before they get better. As you open up the boxes and lay the trauma out ready to start packing it way properly. It can be very overwhelming, and indeed take all your attention. But, it can and does get easier as you start putting it all away again, more stable than before, more able to pack it away when it comes back up. This may or may not be the process your partner is going though, but in my experience one session a week was as much as I could handle 40minutes opening up and the rest of the week processing, coming to terms with what I had discovered and recovering ready for the next session. That was all I could handle.

Never be afraid to talk about where he is with his suicidal thoughts, no one ever took their own life because they were asked if they where suicidal, but plenty did because they were not truly asked where they were at, did they have a plan, did they have the means, and intent? If their response worries you get them crisis support. If it is stable just listen, and be a friend? See if they are able to talk to you about the process of therapy and and how it is going. generally I would stay away from the content of the therapy don’t ask what they talk about, just focus on the feeling and value it is or isn’t bringing. These tend to be safe subjects, but only if they are open the the conversation.

Finally take time for you, your feelings and process your pain, acknowledge the emotional impact his journey is having on you. Be kind to yourself and show yourself the compassion you need.
 
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mmfan said:
In some ways I feel like depression takes a greater toll than PTSD does. We have dealt with his PTSD for many years and it has improved over time. But in its place is a very dark depression. I feel like a failure because I'm unable to bring him hope. He used to greatly look forward to time spent together. Now it barely seems to register. I know it's not personal, so its not that --it really worries me to see him in such a dark place, and I feel helpless to do anything. He feels suicidal regularly and I have seen enough on MS to know it is a real risk.

He is in therapy once a week. I wish he would increase it to twice a week, but for various reasons that hasn't happened.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice, solidarity or just being heard today, but thank you for allowing me to share.
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Just a cyber hug!!!
 
Thank you @JethroTull and what you say about only being able to handle therapy once a week, makes sense. Thanks for helping me to understand or at least try to avoid pressuring him.
Thank you @TryingEveryday for the hugs.
It was really good to see both your posts and feel heard and supported, so I can support him better.
 
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