suicide

suicide
B

bp83

Registrant
I seem to really be struggling with thoughts of death lately. I feel unable to commit the act...I've never attempted...but I long for the day when I can die and never have to deal with this crap anymore. I feel such a lonliness and depression that I can't describe...a heaviness in my heart and head...I've felt that way for years and I feel like it will never go away. Sometimes I just wish that I would go insane or something and be shipped into a mental institution so I could be drugged up for the rest of my life and not be concious.
 
pls dont try it. trying it
then it dont work so they
put u in the hospital and its
worse they wont let u sleep they
make u talk and eat and they
wont leave u alone at all
i tried it. i wont evr try
it again.
maybe medicine would help?
i dunno
this probly isnt helping u
i just dont want u to try.
it sucks
 
hey trevor...I've never "talked" to you before...I've read your posts and I always appreciate the honesty and emotion in yours.

Yeah...I've tried medicine...I've been on one now for about 2 months, I've tried others. It just feels hopeless. I literally feel a pressure in my head and neck that feels like it's going to explode. I just want to end. I fantasize about death and whenever I hear of a person who committed suicide, it's almost like, I don't know, I idolize him. Although my faith determines that suicide is not an option for me...sometimes I feel like it would be much better than living a life simply waiting for doom with a seemlingly miniscule hope of abaiting it.
 
Set goals!!! You have a brain, DO something with it. USE your experience to help others!! By helping others, you help yourself. By being of service to others, you give yourself PURPOSE.

Scott, I've decided that I'm going to try to help kids lost in a foster care system, and after taking a simple computer support technician job training program, I've landed an intern position at one of the most prestigious non-profit organizations in my state. I set some small goals, and I'm achieving them and I feel GOOD about it. I have not felt this good in many years. Use your experience, improve yourself. That's my advice.

You also MAY have actual depression, and actual mental disease, which is a BIG deal, becuase it can rob you of any motivation to even do anything to change any part of your life. Are you seeing a T?
 
yeah...I've been seeing one for 7 years now on and off. I have a lot of damage that seems to just build along the way. I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and depression. I've tried medicine before...but never consistently...this is the first time I'm really trying the medicines I'm given.
 
Scott
you might recognise my name from one of the posts that are at the top of the forum page?
The one about 'Suicicde'

I wrote that a while back when I was a Moderator here for two reasons.
The main reason was offer the RIGHT help to anyone feeling suicidal, those links are to sites that offer good help and advice and are often better at dealing with someone who feels they have nothing left to live for.

The second reason I posted that was personal.
Suicide is something that has affected me deeply more than once.
I've lost close friends and some people that I knew or worked with over the years, I miss them all, especially Mick my childhhod best mate and also a CSA survivor.

I've also tried suicide, and as I'm still here I obviously failed.
Or did I fail?

Did I just "cry for help" ?
Maybe I did?

The important thing to me right now is that I am still here, with a future as well.

Scott, you have a future as well. I might look bleak and lonely from where you are right now but that can change with help and support.
You've done the hard work already. By just being here at MS you've made the break from victim to survivor, that's a strong and brave thing to do.

If you need the help and support right now, just ask. That's what MS does best, we help and support.

Take care
Dave
 
Scott, I know it's meaningless now, but I am proof that life does get better. I've been down that road, thought those thoughts, but at some point I saw the light at the end of the tunnell. And then I actually made it out of the tunnell. Oh I'm still a mess, think thoughts I wish I didn't think from time to time, get all emotional for no reason. But the bad days are fewer, and they don't last as long.

No one can help people more than guys like you who have stared life in the face, felt it all, and survived. There is good out there. You are good inside. Sometimes we take every single detail and turn it into a criticism of ourselves, but if you look past that, see the boy who deserved a better life, see the good in you....

I've also been through many years of therapy, and that helped more than I can possibly describe.

From one musician to another,

Peace.
 
Scott, I've tried twice in the last few years, last one on Mother's Day, found by my wife in a drunken jag, completely a wreck - Happy Mother's Day ;
 
Scott,

People are odd birds sometimes. The more we need help the more reluctant we are to seek it.

I don't know why that is. I know it applied to me for a long time. Perhaps I was afraid to hear the news I knew I would get: that I was in BAD shape and needed a LOT of help.

The reality is that it takes a lot of guts and courage to ask for the help we need, especially on a topic like suicide. We all have potential and a future worth living, and as Dave says, if your future looks bleak and hopeless now, that can be changed with care and support. You DESERVE that care and support no less than anyone else does.

If I were in your local area your first post above would be enough for me to suggest let's call someone and I'll go with you so you can talk to someone about all this. Although I of course don't know much about your situation I don't think you should underestimate it.

The guys above reply as they do out of genuine interest in your welfare, and I will just add my voice to what they are telling you.

Much love,
Larry
 
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