suffering. hurt. anger.
hello men:
it is hard for me to post this but i need to. i am recuperating from the 3rd hemoroid i have had in my life. i am 42 and have had problems with constipation for most of those years. believe me, listen to doctors and DO NOT strain on the toilet. i know the pain it can cause.
in addition to the 'roids i also have caused 2 hernias. one in my belly near my belly button and the other appears to be located where my right leg joins with my groin. the physical pain i experience(d) from these 5 maladies sometimes does not compare to the emotional pain of not taking better care of myself, of having let myself reach this state. it deeply saddens and angers me.
i noticed my 3rd 'roid several days ago. i tried to understand what caused it. in the prior two weeks i had 3 tough bowel movements with constipation. i believe they were caused by 3 upsetting conversations with my mother and sister. mother emotionally incested me for 30 yrs and wants it to continue. i will not allow it. thus, there is constant friction between us. i have no memories of any physical incest so far.
(it is hard for me to enter this post men. i am angry and in pain as i sit here in this library.)
when i was younger and got emotionally upset i would have bad diarhea, irritable bowel syndrome is what it can be called i believe. well, now it has swung in the other direction. for years when i get too upset i wind up with constipation. it has been so bad i have caused through straining on the toilet the above health problems, 3 'roids and 2 hernias. i pray i learn from this. i told myself the next time that my mother visits this town for my own safety i must not talk to or be near her. and if my sister, who appears to be the confidant to her that she once made me, says/does something upsetting to me i must keep away from her too.
i must explain this decision to my grandfather. you see, numerous times in the past i agreed to be near my mother because he wanted me to. he wants us to be like a 'normal' mother and son. he has a hard time understanding/accepting the way things are even though i have thoroughly explained them to him. getting sick/suffering with another 'roid in order to please him is not worth it. i pray he will understand.
she said she may return to town this early Summer. i MUST remember the pain i am in now and keep away from her and my sister if that is what will keep me safe.
I AM ANGRY MEN. I KEEP HITTING THE WRONG DAM KEYS. i tried to not make trouble with either my mother or sister and this is how i wind up. with a 'roid, suffering, in pain. I DO NOT DESERVE IT. i hope and pray that i learn so the next time i won't have to go through this again. i deserve better. we all do.
there, i feel better now i am grateful to say. i hope and pray for better times and that i learn important lessons. my typing is for crap. 1 wrong key after another. that is all men. may we all be kind and gentle to ourselves. sincerely,
bec
it is hard for me to post this but i need to. i am recuperating from the 3rd hemoroid i have had in my life. i am 42 and have had problems with constipation for most of those years. believe me, listen to doctors and DO NOT strain on the toilet. i know the pain it can cause.
in addition to the 'roids i also have caused 2 hernias. one in my belly near my belly button and the other appears to be located where my right leg joins with my groin. the physical pain i experience(d) from these 5 maladies sometimes does not compare to the emotional pain of not taking better care of myself, of having let myself reach this state. it deeply saddens and angers me.
i noticed my 3rd 'roid several days ago. i tried to understand what caused it. in the prior two weeks i had 3 tough bowel movements with constipation. i believe they were caused by 3 upsetting conversations with my mother and sister. mother emotionally incested me for 30 yrs and wants it to continue. i will not allow it. thus, there is constant friction between us. i have no memories of any physical incest so far.
(it is hard for me to enter this post men. i am angry and in pain as i sit here in this library.)
when i was younger and got emotionally upset i would have bad diarhea, irritable bowel syndrome is what it can be called i believe. well, now it has swung in the other direction. for years when i get too upset i wind up with constipation. it has been so bad i have caused through straining on the toilet the above health problems, 3 'roids and 2 hernias. i pray i learn from this. i told myself the next time that my mother visits this town for my own safety i must not talk to or be near her. and if my sister, who appears to be the confidant to her that she once made me, says/does something upsetting to me i must keep away from her too.
i must explain this decision to my grandfather. you see, numerous times in the past i agreed to be near my mother because he wanted me to. he wants us to be like a 'normal' mother and son. he has a hard time understanding/accepting the way things are even though i have thoroughly explained them to him. getting sick/suffering with another 'roid in order to please him is not worth it. i pray he will understand.
she said she may return to town this early Summer. i MUST remember the pain i am in now and keep away from her and my sister if that is what will keep me safe.
I AM ANGRY MEN. I KEEP HITTING THE WRONG DAM KEYS. i tried to not make trouble with either my mother or sister and this is how i wind up. with a 'roid, suffering, in pain. I DO NOT DESERVE IT. i hope and pray that i learn so the next time i won't have to go through this again. i deserve better. we all do.
there, i feel better now i am grateful to say. i hope and pray for better times and that i learn important lessons. my typing is for crap. 1 wrong key after another. that is all men. may we all be kind and gentle to ourselves. sincerely,
bec
For several months following the surgery I suffered tremendous pain and would occasionally shit myself. It has been 10 years now. I still have to keep a change of cloths at work because an unexpected sneeze can spell disaster. But the quality of life, being relieved of that constant pain, is ever so much better.