Successful confrontation of fear?

Successful confrontation of fear?
Bill_1965

Bill_1965

Registrant
Success?

As some of you know, I am starting to remember the blacked out summer of 1976. For as long as I can remember I have had eerie feelings when I have entered some party stores. I have avoided these stores and went to ones that I felt more comfortable. Recently I have remembered that I was shared by my first perp with two guys in party stores, thus the root of the fear of party stores. Since I began remembering this, I have quaked when I went into a party store, thought about stopping at one, or talked of a party store. My legs would give out, I would shake uncontrollably, and begin stuttering. My pdoc has raised my dosage of Lamictal, which I thought was already working pretty good at its current dosage.

Yesterday I went into a party store to grab a quick lunch, since I used most of the lunch hour running needed errands. In the parking lot, I began reassuring myself that I am okay, Nothing is going to happen, I am safe, and There is nothing to be afraid of. I said this out loud in a quiet voice and continued until I was safely back into my van. Afterwards I was not violently shaking or stuttering, although I did have the slightest of shaking.

Was this a success? Or, was this just the affects of the medications. Did I have successful confrontation my fear of party stores? The first of hopefully a life-time of them, someday without having to vocally reassure myself that it will be okay and without medications?

Bill
 
Bill... fear not! It was a successful confrontation! Initial confrontations are so tough, especially if you are pushing and then reassuring yourself the whole time.

My therapist has had me do some work around certain types of places that I am afraid of. Sometimes it works, sometimes I can't do it. It has been regression work sometimes (where she has me imagine going somewhere I am afraid of) and other times I have used the sessions to create "protectors" in my mind that will go with me when I confront the fear in real life.

Eventually, I was able to confront without the imaginary protectors. And some places I never even think twice about anymore. And, I'll be honest, some I have yet to successfully deal with and still haunt me.

But congratulations... it sounds like you took a HUGE first step for confronting these memories and fears. And don't give your meds credit for this... you walked into that store, not your bottle of meds. PM me if you need to. Recovering long lost memories sucks... you know I've recently gone through it myself, so I'm here bro.

-Sean
 
Bill- it sounds like excellent progress to me... I've read some of your postings...you've read some of mine.

You seem so much calmer and collected...I posted a response to another question last night where someone was at a much earlier stage in the process of recovery and was complaining about the voices...one of my responses was that I can now tell the voices to **** off when they interfere with my daily activities ( as I suggested that they could eventually - I now have problems with the silence *boy is it good).

Medication - well I don't know ...I've only ever took the unofficial types.... I believe that we can be weened off all types. I used to partake of alcohol, probably 6 days out of 7 for necessity...now it's for pleasure & 2-3 days out of 7.

If you are making progress, accept it and believe it...why shouldn't we....best wishes ...Rik
 
HOME RUN!!!

FIRST DOWN!!!!

GOAL!!!!!!

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD.

BEST TO YOU BILL...................MIKE

THE DRUGS HAD NOTHIN TO DO WITH YOUR VICTORY. IT WAS YOU........
 
WAY TO GO BILL!!!!!!!

That's progress if I've ever heard of it!

I'm so happy for you!! you are moving forward. It takes a strong man to confront your fears, and YOU just did that!! You are strong, and you've proven it to yourself.

Enjoy your progress.

shawn :D
 
Bill, I think it is a success, that you confront this. Perhaps the medicine help you to make that decisions, and take that step. but it was you, Bill, not some medicine, that walk through that door, and deal with being in there. So the sucess is you. The medicine is tool to help you to do it only.

Leosha

ps, what is a 'party store'?
 
This was a huge success for you Bill. THe medicine may have helped some, but it was you who went into the store and survived it even if you had to do positive self talk, and that is huge. Keep up the good work Bill, and in time perhaps you can totally get rid of the fear you have in party stores.

scott
 
Was this a success?
Click to expand...
Bill,

This is pure success. Whether you took medicine or not is irrelevant. Would you credit a lucky charm and discount your own courage if you had carried a four leaf clover into the store? If you wore your "lucky socks" would you credit comfortable footwear rather than your own determination to succeed, to overcome?

You did it. Nothing can change that fact. Enjoy.

Thanks,

Joe
 
More memories have come forth,

I am afraid to even try,

I keep on shaking, just at the thought,

I can't go back, I can't go back,

To the place I was repeatedly forced,

While the son-of-a-bitch got paid to force me,

.

Leosha, a party store is a little market that sells beer, wine, beer, sodas, cigerettes, and snacks. All the makings for a little party for drunks.

Bill
 
It was success! And be proud... be happy... these little things build into bigger things.

I remember when I first got out of the hospital after being paralyzed and the anxiety was so high it prevented me from going into stores (any store). This made it difficult to grocery shop and go to places like Walmart. Friend did help me a lot but I could not make it in these stores without having anxiety attacks. Slowly but sure I started going into the stores like 5 minutes before they closed. I would walk in, then walk out. Once I got where I could do this ok, than I would spend more time in them. Still to this day, I sometimes struggle in stores where there are too many people or the store is over crowded with merchandise and at those times, I just exit and come back later.

Don
 
Bill,

It was success. Don't ever doubt that for a moment. That doesn't mean you have to rush right out to a party store and slay a dragon every time you get a memory.

I'm sorry that more memories are coming back. Guess you are strong enough to deal with them now. You proved your strength in that success, and whoever/whatever keeps the memories stored away is letting you face a new challenge.

Take your time. Get your bearings. You do not have to face everything all at once. You're an adult now, with adult powers. You lived through the abuse (survived) and you can get through the memories, in as much time as you need.

Hang in there. This place is open every day. Sometimes reading someone else's words is the best thing in the world for me (and sometime re-reading some of my own does me some good). Even when you can't get an immediate response, there is still a lot of caring and wisdom in the things you and others have written here.

Joe
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top