stupid triggers

stupid triggers
B

batcountry

Registrant
well this is really stupid...

but my cat got worms somehow and i had to give him these pills this morning... and of course he is a cat, he doesnt know whats going on, he doesnt know they are to help him. so i had to lock him in the bathroom with me and wrestle with him (he is really big) to force these stupid pills down his throat. and the whole time he is just squirming and crying because he doesnt want to take them, and he is freaking out, and he even got so upset he threw up. i finally got him to swallow them and he is ok now.

but it was just... i mean i dont know, it kinda triggered me i guess, i know this sounds really dumb but you know i mean it was just that i had to hold him down and force things down his throat and he was so upset and scared. and it kinda brought things back i guess. i felt so bad to have to do it. now i cant stop thinking about myself in his position and thinking about things that were done to me... i know it was such a long time ago but i never thought about those things ever i kept them locked away. i wouldnt even get triggered by anything i kept them so far away. but now it isnt like that anymore... and i feel really weak and like anything can set me off these days...

and it was been raining all day which is also bad for me, rain and water are triggers, not because of the abuse though. its other things from my past. it stopped raining at least but now its so windy that my kitchen windows get rattled around and its keeping me on edge...

ive had this post open for hours and i havent got the courage to post it yet. but im sick of this, im just going to submit it. sorry if it makes no sense and is rambling..
 
BC,
Nothing is stupid. I grew up with fear after age 12, and it kept me company a long time. Rain can mean many things to many people. Sometimes you can go roaming thru your valley of fears, sorting out the good, bad and indifferent. Asking youself 'now why am I afraid of this or that one? what did it do to me?' The fear could be real, or an invention. I am always creating a fear from nothing and by the time I am finsihed with it I am a raving lunetic. But I like mental pain now and then, got it from my mother. The Irish think they have the copyright to pain and suffering. All our absue and trauma are not sexual but they all create fear, distrust and havoc with our lives. Time, that dirty word, is part of the healing process.

I had a cat named: hey you, little shit, kitty etc. He hated taking pills. I crushed them between spoons and mixed it with vanilla ice cream and he ate it. Once I used chocolate chip, and he spit out the chocolate and gave me a look that read: Who the fuck do you think you are? You know I don't like chocolate. Then marched out of the kitchen.
 
PS - that was froggy 12 responding. I ovbiously have not had enough espresso today. The pot is hissing my name, so gotta go.

froggy12
 
Hi Bat,

I agree with froggy. Nothing is stupid. You never know when somthing will trigger your memories, and logically what you said makes perfect sense.

I understand about the rain.

Take care of yourself,
Keith
 
they say these memories only come out when we can handle them so in a way its a sign of progress,hard to believe but true they say.
 
wanted to add i got triggered by waking up with cracked lips so its not uncommon or stupid
 
Stupid? Nah. Mine are stupid. Like I have no problem eating a cooked breakfast of eggs and such as long as someone else has cooked it. I cannot cook it and eat it myself though. No way.

Plymouth 'dog dish' hubcaps

Harley Davidson bandannas

You get the picture :)

Brad
 
The cat is OK, you are also.
Dont worry, you had to do what is best for the cat, and he is better now.

As for the rain, I love it, but it triggers you.
Its difficult to find the source of these triggers, they are all different to each and every one of us.

I hope you are feeling better today, you deserve some peace,

ste
 
Batcountry,

please don't ever feel bad for writing your feelings out here - that is what this place is for

I grew up in a life of constant fear - 18 years of fear - never knowing when the next bad thing would happen

the memories are hard - but them comming out is a sign that you are now able to deal with things - please let us here help you - talk to us - many here really do understand...

TJ jeff
 
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