Stuffing myself with Food

Stuffing myself with Food
M

Morning Star

Registrant
I am going thru another round of emotional confusion and turmoil and I am responding to it by stuffing my self with food.
The whole day ate healthy and in the evening in a bout of confusion I could not take it and pounced on a pack of biscuits. Literally stuffed my mouth with them. That was pathetic and painful to feel so weak in front of your patterns. NO control over my self, my mind and my body...I am on a self destruct mode.
 
Food was a huge issue in my family. My dad was overweight and ate everything in sight, his aunt was anorexic, his father forced food on people, my sister's got some kind of eating disorder, and I've just finally put on some weight in the last few years. I still have swings where I can only eat "clean" foods, everything veggie, no fat, organic--and then I'll go eat a bacon cheeseburger. I remember the first time my therapist told me I was playing games to keep myself from feeling. I got so angry with him, that he would even think this was some kind of game. And perhaps there was a better word he could have used with me, but now that I'm aware that what I'm doing is just trying to make myself clean because I felt dirty, make myself skinny so I'll be attractive, make myself different from my fat abusive father, now I can try to feel or accept myself as I am just a little bit.

You're a good person. It was what was done to you. I accept you.
 
Fat is my protection against the world and food is my friend. I am hoping for the day when it's just fuel for my body, but not there yet.

Ken
 
Everyone has something they will turn to, to 'stuff themselves' when stressed. Yours is food. I go to alcohol, or self harm behaviors. Other people maybe use sex, pornography, drugs. It is just a thing, it is nothing that makes you weak or bad. It is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned, and something more positive can be learned in it's place. It is possible, and it does happen. It just takes time and practice. So go easy on yourself, and decide what you would like to turn to in times of stress instead of the food. And then start practicing it, and it will happen.

Good luck.

Leosha
 
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