Stuck (possible triggers)

AlexBoyd

Registrant
An experiment in haiku form....


Up here or down there,
It snakes the whole way through, but​
His venom got stuck.
 

newground

Chat Moderator
Staff member
wow haiku im impressed. it is powerful and a sentiment that I totally "get" I have thought to describe the abuse as a plague, a contagion, a poison. and yea it stays way too long :(
 

AlexBoyd

Registrant
Thanks, ng. I'm not confident about the venon analogy. It's a hard thing to explain. I've also thought about plague, disease, etc. Maybe it's something worth exploring more in words. I appreciate the feedback.
 
I love how you use 'snake' as a verb. If you're not comfortable with the venom analogy, then maybe use something else snakes can do? Like strangle, or swallow whole. Just a suggestion.
 

AlexBoyd

Registrant
I love how you use 'snake' as a verb. If you're not comfortable with the venom analogy, then maybe use something else snakes can do? Like strangle, or swallow whole. Just a suggestion.
Thanks for that suggestion. I might try again.
 
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