struggling

struggling
F

flea

Registrant
i have struggling for years aboutwhat has happend to me.blamed my self for trust.hate my self.i abused my self more than anyone chould.i have a lot of anger & try to blame eveybody else.last week i thought my wife was cheating on me with a nother woman? i cofronted her and it was UGLY.i was wrong.i am so confusd.when are these feelings of shame & guilt going to stop.help
 
Hey Flea - I'm sorry for all the struggles and ugliness you're experiencing. I feel your frustration ooze out of the words you've posted. You name symptoms that we all are left with from our abuses - anger, distrust, self-blame, low esteem, etc. We also fight hard to find blame because, we think, if I could find the blame, I can fix myself, fix my problem, stop the hurt...! I found that if and when I find who to blame for this mess, I am still the one who must clean it up! I know my perp is totally to blame for my abuse and the crap it left me with BUT I had to do something about it myself! My action was to get a T, read, read and read; find someone who would listen and talk! talk! talk!

Know you are not alone!! We can understand because we've been there!! Life does get better but it takes time, work and faith!

Howard
 
flea,

Welcome flea. I am sorry that you have been struggling with this, that you ever had to. But I am glad that you have found us and are starting to deal with this shit.

The perpetrators have installed guilt, shame, and a vast array of negative feelings in ourselves to keep us quiet to keep there wrong doings a secret.

It usually takes us to hit bottom before we strart the healing process. Sounds like you found yours last week. Mine was when my wife was having an affair.

Take care of yourself. Read some of the posts, articles and resources here on the site. Feel free to post, ask questions, post concerns, rant, and let this shit out of you.

Take care,
Bill
 
I have been starting to deal of all this in recent months, less then a year. I still feel shame, and guilt, so very much. I think we also start to feel that we do not deserve the good things in our life. And so, we question anything or anyone good to us. It will become easier, as we begin to feel better of ourselves, of who we are, and recognize the good things we do deserve. Be patient with yourself, it does take time. I wish you good luck.

Leosha
 
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