Struggling to sleep next to someone

Struggling to sleep next to someone
Hello everybody,
I'm feeling angry and confused today as I had a weird experience. I'm travelling in Asia at the moment. Yesterday, a girl I met and I decided to take a hotel room together for one night, something I've done in the past and didn't have an issue with.
We had sex and she fell asleep right after while I stayed awake for 3 hours despite being sleep deprived already. I was thinking and thinking, trying to get myself to stop and sleep. After a long time, I realized that the idea to sleep next to this stranger that could suddenly want to cuddle and touch me was very difficult to accept. I thought longer about it and finally decided to leave the hotel and go back to my hostel room as I didn't think I could sleep at all next to her. This is a relatively new feeling for me and acting on it definitely is new. So I woke her up saying sorry but I had to leave to get some meds. (I wanted a pill against anxiety) I felt it would be wrong to explain my whole situation right this moment. So I left the hotel and made it back and luckily got some sleep. But this morning, the girl was very mad at me, shaming me for my behaviour and this is hard to take. I feel that I made the right decision to leave but I also feel vulnerable about it and it's hard to see that she's so mad at me.
Anybody else struggling to fall asleep when not alone?
It's not a huge deal but new to me and i felt alone with it.
Thanks for reading. Have a good day!
 
At 15, the kidnapper insisted I not turn my back to him in the bed. To this day (decades later) I still don’t enjoy being touched when sleeping. I can give my partner a quick cuddle, but it’s never long and oddly always physically uncomfortable.
 
Anybody else struggling to fall asleep when not alone?
It's not a huge deal but new to me and i felt alone with it.
Me too!
I didn't know others had this issue. what makes it worse is that I am married. It has gotten worse since the memories of abuse resurfaced. I sometimes lie awake until she is asleep and then I can fall asleep myself. More often, I stay up later and go to bed only after she is sleeping. Still - after all the years of marriage and three adult kids, I jump out of my skin when touched while I am sleeping. She used to be hurt and offended but has gotten used to it and tries not to surprise me.
 
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