Struggles Outside CSA

[KMCINVA]

A wonderful friend who has been fighting glioblastoma (brain cancer) for 15 months is in a struggle for live. He is on an experimental program--autoimmune--he was tumor free for a year and they returned. The tumors were injected with a genetically modified polio vaccine--in the home the autoimmune system would kick in and destroy the tumors. He has to wait another month before if it was successful. Only 4% of people who do not elected alternative treatments are alive 3 years later, with this program it jumps to 21%. Thereafter is anyone's guess.

The tumors have hit the prefrontal cortex, which acts to control emotions, outbursts, personality, decision making. He has limited control of what comes out of his mouth. He would never hurt anyone. He struggles to walk. I realized the prefrontal cortex of CSA survivors has shown loss of grey matter and size. It makes me wonder, how impacts our behavior, our acting out, our ability to always make wise decisions.

This experience of watching his struggles makes me realize no one should judge anyone because they do not know how the mind is functioning or what damage has been in the development of the brain.

Kevin

 

[F.A.]

This experience of watching his struggles makes me realize no one should judge anyone because they do not know how the mind is functioning or what damage has been in the development of the brain.

Kevin

@KMCINVA
I'm so sorry to hear what your friend has to go through I wish him the best possible outcome.

I agree 100% with the above statement. How much better would it be for all of us if everyone lived with this mindset.

 

[Pollux]

This is tragic, thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry for you and your friend.

 

[WG]

At times like this words fall short. Please know that I'm sorry for your friend, and for you who must stand by and deal with feeling so very helpless.

 

[Sterling]

You're a nice friend.

 

[KMCINVA]

Boy health, mental and physical are so important to living life and not just going through the motions of life. My friend the treatment is working on killing the glioblastoma tumors but the side effects are devastating. Each person in the trial has different reactions--some experience no cure, others cure and then a re-occurrence, some mild to moderate side effects and others severe side effects. Sadly his side effects have been severe--he had brain bleed, has pulmonary blood clots, brain swell and medications to treat these side effects--anti seizure medications, steroids, and so many others. He has swelled up and now needs physical rehab. His level of consciousness changes by the minute. It is so sad as he struggled for so long. The doctors are optimistic on the cancer but have no idea if the side effects will continue or dissipate. He is struggling and implies he is ready to give up. If everything works out he has a 21% of surviving three plus years where as the average for those without treatment only survive approximate 11-15 months. It is hard watching someone you know suffer. He was a strong willed guy and to see illness rob him of his vitality. He has three children, only one has come to seen him since he went into rehab 2 weeks ago. The two children are very immature, self centered and feel entitled to everything. He went through a messy divorce and he had custody of the kids who are all past 18 years of age. I also believe they are have their own difficulties admitting the things they did in the past during the divorce and facing the realities of their father's illness. I have recommended to the sisters they should seek counseling--the divorce screwed them up, the mother shared every detail playing the martyr that there was a power struggle for the children's love. Whatever, from my own experience I know only those who suffer can heal and how they heal is their business and no one can say what they should or should not do to heal, it is their truth, their experience. I worry the 2 kids will be more of a wreck unless they make peace while the father is here. I ran from my past for decades and know the damage it has done to me and others. Others caused damage and have yet to accept it.

In hindsight I see the impact illness or abuse has on people, it can create a wall, a division, a struggle that can have long term impact on the sufferer/victim. I can see it clearly and I see the struggle my friend is facing. We all need to be kind to each other because we do not know what one has lived nor can we ever understand the depth of their pain. He implies he wants to give up, and I honestly cannot say it is right or wrong because I am not living with what he is living day in and day out. My T said the same to me, he did not know or experience the power of my pain, the impact it had on my thoughts and emotions and no one should every say they do unless the were a survivor of CSA. I say the same for those suffering mental and physical illnesses.

Sorry for the ramble I am seeing how precious life can be and how it can be gone today or tomorrow.

Kevin

 

[Visitor]

Painful for certain, but beautifully said Kevin. As a friend who runs a non-profit whose work focuses on support for men and women at the end of life says, "we know we're going to die, we just don't know when." When the diagnosis is given and the end becomes more clear, we really have our work cut out for ourselves. A good friend who has been contending with serious illness for decades is clear that she is ready for the struggle to end. She no longer thinks of ending her life, but she is doing none of the typical scans recommended to avoid cancer. If cancer comes she won't treat it.

As a survivor I have a similar feeling. Life is precious no doubt, but it also is fraught with the residue of trauma. I honestly can't imagine it will ever be completely behind me. Yes, I'll keep working hard to claim as much of my life as I can for as long as I can... but I am awfully tired to trying so hard just to be in the moment. I'm not actively attempting to escape the moment with my well practiced methods, but it is still challenging to be in the middle of me. At 77 years of age, I don't know whether I'll ever be free of this jagged feeling. Time will tell how much life I can claim. That said, I don't know whether I'll go gently into the night. Time will answer that question as well.

 

[Tom E.]

I'm sorry your friend is going through this. I'm sure it helps a lot knowing you are there for him.

 

[bluesky]

(((((Kevin)))))
And prayers of healing and compassion for your friend.