I’ve never told anyone, I’m 41 now. My kids are 19 and 17, December will be my 20th anniversary with my wife. How can something that happened when I was 10 make me think of my end constantly. My family is the only reason I’m still here, I fear letting them down more than anything. I want to have the desire to live, not out of obligation but from a genuine love of life. I feel like the pressure just keeps building, I know I should have told someone a long time ago. I cannot afford a therapist, I make 75% of the modest income in our household as a small business owner and can’t afford to go check myself in somewhere. As a pastors son I am completely opposed religious solutions, it upsets me more than anything else. Does anybody know of low cost resources where I can get help? Thanks for reading this.