Strangling TRIGGERS!

Strangling TRIGGERS!
C

crisispoint

Registrant
I guess what worries me the most with these images/memories/whatever is that they might be true and I hid them. Because what they reveal is something more and more horrible. I feel like a battered spouse, because I kept hiding it even though my abuser could've killed me, even though he was probably only trying to scare me into keeping quiet.

For instance, later on in my situation, he became increasingly sadistic, as in hurting/scaring me when he didn't need to. Then when he tried to kill me in his office. Now I have an image of him grabbing me off the street and driving me into the woods. He tied me up and gagged me again while putting me in the back seat of his car, then dragged me through the woods outside with something over my head. He pulled it off and threw me into a ditch he either dug or was there. He kept saying that he couldn't risk me telling anyone, and that if I was found dead after being....I can't remember exactly what he said, but the jist was raped....no one would think it was him. I remember him sexually assaulting me again and then strangling me almost unconscious before warning me that he would kill me for real if I ever told. He would find me before the police found him. It was really easy since he knew EVERYTHING about me.

It's disturbing, but I don't think I can trust this one. I don't know. I absolutely KNOW he tried to kill me in his office. Am I imagining this one?

Boy, this is like a soap opera for the demented!

Thanks for letting me vent, brothers. I love you and appreciate your support.

Scot :(
 
Scot, the scene you describe is what happened to me every time. He strangled me until I was losing consciousness. I knew that when he said he would kill me he was telling the truth. It certainly kept me quiet---for decades.

It these are flashbacks, I suspect the memory of the reality will follow. It is good to talk about this. I hope you have a safe environment. Don't dwell on this stuff--it will come through on it's own.

This is a good time to come up with ways to distract yourself--exercise, writting, whatever really engages your mind in something other than the abuse.

I am sad you may have had this terrifying experience. I suspect you did have this happen.

Bob
 
Scot,
Unrelated ??? to the sexual abuse that happened to me, I too was strangled, by my mother. The memory has always been with me. She came into my room while I was sleeping, and in a fit of rage and grabbed onto my throat and squeezed while screaming some hysterical crap about hating me enough to kill me. I was about 11 at the time. In many, many ways this was more damaging to me than the sexual abuse I suffered.

As for your memory being real or not in every detail... I've said it many times. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck. Then its a fucking duck! Nobody cares or gives a shit what color it was!
Peace, Andrew
 
"quack"

Dave
 
I am sorry, I tried to start to read this post, but it was rather too much for me right now. I know it is coward, to not be able to read certain things and words, I am sorry. I just wished you to know that I did try to read it, I was not avoiding or ignoring. I hope that you can find some mind peace.

leosha
 
I tried to read this post as uch as I could, but beyond the firsy paragraph, trying to keep reading, I couldn't. I wnated to tell you that I tried so you do not feel as if I have ignored it, it is just to hard for me to handle the triggering things righ now.

Scott
 
Scot,

I was so fucking frightened of my perp and what would happen if anyone found out what was happening to me--my mother dying, my father disowning me--that I would have done anything from preventing anyone knowing.
If you feared losing your life--one of my fears--you feared it. Whether your fear happened the way that you remember, it doesn't matter. What matters, is that you feared and you feared for your life.
Ya, the fucking soap opera of abuse of little boys........

One of your brothers, who also feared for his life,

David
 
Andrew and everyone else who posted:

"Quack."

I wish it wasn't real, but it is.

God, what do I do with this now?

Thanks for caring.

Scot :(
 
Scot
If it IS a duck, then set it free.

Dave ;)
 
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