story (triggers)

story (triggers)

alexey

Registrant
I want to tell my story because I need to do that in order to move forward with you.

I was raped by three soldiers when I was 12 or 11. It happened in my home town, and my little brother was witnessing all this. We went to a pond in a country side of the town for fishing, and haven't the least knowledge or suspicion that something like this could happen to anybody. We were fishing as usual, and around that pond were cottages and the people were outside in some distance.

First I noticed three men (they were about 20) ran down the hill toward the pond. I was little and did not pay attention to them, as I saw other teenagers there who were friendly, or at least not violent. I suddenly felt that I was being punched in the face several times. Then there was more violence. They put an air gun to my head, and later one of them take a hunting knife out and put it to my neck. He forced to do oral sex. Others were forcing me to do the same. They also tried to have an anal sex with me, but they were under the effect of drugs, as long as I remember, and could not perform it.

What destroyed me was also that they humiliated me verbally, saying I was girl, and other words. My bro witnessed it, but they did not him as he was only 8. What disturbs me is that I was doing all they wanted, and I agreed that I was ... who they wanted me to be. They told of the war they fighted before going home, in Russia, and I listened and was freaking out. The message I received and try to work on recently was that the reality I lived in was not real or different of one they new. This fact both impressed me and "convinced" I was a weak, not fully masculine "man."

I did not told my parents about the abuse, although they could see the bruises. My grandparents were resisting to making a call to the 'police' and I can vaguely remember that they were saying the words such shame, embarrasment, trouble, and so on. Months later I went through a severe PTSD accompanying with galucinations, mood swings, reasonless cries, nightmares.

I never used therapy until I was 22. I used to go through a lot of pain at school; I CANNOT remember two to three years of school life. They contained much pain.

In high school, I was violent to the male peers. I have had sex with my friend who was VERY manipulative while at high school, and whom I've avoided to see for 3 years. I was violent toward him, and that is a torment now, as I am feeling my pain and try to live my life. I do have "weak moments" when I get suicidal. I cut myself in high school.

I want to understand why I have lost any determination to gain good life after years of trying to get it. I am depressed; I feel the void inside. I was VERY scared when I first saw this forum, and I still ignore something about being a survivor; I am lost. Sorry, I think I can not trust you.

That is what I have had.
 
Alexey, I'm sorry that you went through such a terrible experience. Unfortunately, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You were just a normal little boy who was assaulted. Nothing of what happened was your fault in any way. It sounds like you are depressed right now. Please go see a doctor and hopefully he can either refer you to a therapist and/or prescribe some medication. Believe me Alexey, things do get better, and you will start dreaming good things for your future. You are a brave man and good things will happen for you. Thank you for sharing Alexey. Peace, Andrew
 
Andrew, thanks a lot!!

I try to grasp what you guys are talking about recovery, and have to say the following. I was studying excellently in the University though I had not friends, or those with whom I contacted were drinking smoking, and, in this way, making a harm to me. After graduation, I was accepted as a Master's student with a 87% fellowship to study in a European country. I refused to go and yesterday I made a contact with my school mates whom I avoided, as they did. We walked and had a good talk, and I was feeling supreme.

Does this make sense in the context of recovery if I feel good? Achievement is measured in multiple terms. It was very hard to study and live alone, but I was full of drive to achievement. It is possible! I make a decision and build my life, but searching out is necesary. The healing seems to be comprised of ups and downs, of course, but also of the healthy decisions based upon both sense and reason. I think so.

Good luck!
 
Alexey,

I am sorry and sad to read your story. It is something no child should ever have to go through, and your brother should not have had to witness either.

It sounds like the afteraffects you suffered, and continue to, are still rather 'normal' for us. I saw you put the word 'police' into quotation marks. It both saddens and amuses me, as I can understand the ambiguity of that word sometime in our culture. As I can also understand your family's reluctance to report what happened, or even that anything happened. It is sad, but kind of expected.

I think with all of us, there is a grief process. And perhaps right now you are in a depressed, not give a crap phase. It is hard to strive for something or some things for so long and then feel there is no point to it. I think we all face that at some time, and for varying length of time.

However, that you are here shows that you are not giving up. Survivors come here, not quitters. I know it is hard, but you are strong, obviously, to have made it this far. I credit that to you, and I hope you continue your journey and share it with us. Please PM me if ever you wish to talk privately.

Leosha

P.s. Your English is better then mine after being in the U.S. for years! I am envious!
 
Leosha, yes I am depressed, but not as badly as I was half a year ago. At that time, I felt that all I wanted to have stopped to make sense, and my actions appeared to be senseless for my life. I talk about little things like writing, poetry, Internet blogs, spirituality. I feel now that I have lost a big life thing, and I did it while in counsciousness, and in my good will.

This time I could clearly feel that in my life, the order of the events is determined by not me. On the one hand, my parents seem to forward me in the right direction. They have all rights to doing this, of course, but what makes me feel powerless is that my own endeavors seem to not play any significant role. Is my idea clear? I cannot run my life by myself; this is the message I receive as time goes on. EVERY crucial desicion is made by my family. I am quite sick right now because of this thought.

On the other hand, I see that something terrible takes place around me; I see the abuse by my father of my mom and even me. Also, both my mom and dad are controlling me and the way out of it is not clear or straight, or evident. I live in the family, and cannot afford an appartment; I do not have a work. I do not have relationships, and when I think of them, I get rather confused them in charge.

The general feeling that I have is that those close to me fail to see the real me, and when I try to play by their rules (e.g., when I try to stop the sbuse or stand up to the people I honestly hate), I am hardly judged. I am confused, and maybe the only action I do the way I am meant to do it is just living; also, I would mention standing up to the abuse and sharing my real thoughts to the real great guys on this web-site, and in other places. Is it life? Well, in THIS life, I am guilty, and I was doing harm to other people, but I am good inside, and it is not fair that I suufer and not those who are sick people. Where is the reason here? There is hope, though.

I trust that I am permitted to say this, and, consequently, I trust you indirectly. These are just spontaneous thoughts, but I wish that you guys continue to give support to the searching people, and to those who hurt.
 
Alexey, I so much enjoy reading your posts. I thank you for opening up your heart to us in here. That is a huge trust thing to do and it it appreciated. I get so much out of what you write, so please be encouraged that you are making vital contributions here and are valued.

I'm sorry to hear of the restrictions in your life at the moment, and of your desire to have more friends. You have many friends in here who love you and undertsand you. In fact, I think that there are many greater bonds in here that many people 'out there' have even when they have lots of 'friends'. True friends lie in here with you and for you Alexey.

Visit with us often! You're welcome!
 
no need to be sorry for anything. this is a place where you are free to express yourself. there will always be drama queens in every bunch who take things out of context. dont concern yourself with it, just be who you are.
 
Alexey,

I am sorry, very much, of what happen to you. I can understand some the ignorance of other people to the situation. There is certain fear to become involved in something occuring by goverment or soldiers.

I think it is good you are talking of it now. I am sorry the thearpy did not work good for you at first time, I hope you can find someone who will be better for you. It is difficult, as it is still not seen so much as a problem in the soceity you are in. These things, 'they do not happen to boys'. When first I tell my family of it, my father call me gay, which he do not mean as compliment.

I hope that you find help here, speaking of what happened and gaining more understanding on it.

Andrei
 
Andrei, thank you. I am in a somewhat ignorant position as long as I am not familiar with the therapy developed exactly for survivors. Nonetheless, this world is common for all people, and a good person can apply their knowledge to my situation. I would be listening to this wisdom. I would respect it.

Those who are close to me do not understand, and provided that it is hard for me to live with other people, I try to rely upon the information I can get. I realize now, after I have read some PMs from the men of this forum, that I have a great fear. I am afraid of the world.

I destroyed my life because I was afraid someone would hurt me if only I found myself to be under theor control; jobs, relationships, and communities were dark zones to me. I could not free myself of the feelings of fear and powerlessness when I was able to join another group of people. If I was socially engaged, I failed to see the outcome, and quitted as soon as possible.

I do learn that you guys help to clarify the world, and feel more comfortable with myself in it. Basically, the world might be as safe as we want it to be.

Alexey
 
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