Stop the Perps NOW--Young people, prosecute!

  • Thread starter Thread starter-
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Stop the Perps NOW--Young people, prosecute!
Hello Nyjah:

Could I bring my abuser to court at 13? Honestly I cannot say. The laws were very different back then. Most boys were not believed in the 1960's. Today many people are ready to believe boys like you. Not always. But more and more. And the laws have changed. Doctors and nurses have to ask questions and act on them. So do teachers and others. This is a good thing.

Are you wrong to feel afraid? Absolutely not! I just wonder if some other boy might be hurting. Only you know the answer to that question.

But whatever you decide you are not to blame.

Take care,

Jasper

P.S. Is your sister afraid for you to talk to the police? Only answer that if you feel okay about the question. It is none of my business. I just am wondering about your sister. She seems to care for you a lot. Am I right?
 
Leave my sister out of this. It has nothing to do with her.
 
Originally posted by Jasper50:

I just wonder if some other boy might be hurting. Only you know the answer to that question.

But whatever you decide you are not to blame.
Click to expand...
These two statements appear to be rather contradictory, and lend some credence to my prior caution of pressuring a young person to do something they are not ready for. There appears to be an essence of trying to 'guilt' someone into acting when they are not in the emotionally stable place to do so. Please be careful in this. Everyone.

Leosha
 
word to leosha
 
I don't get why grownups understand all this stuff for their own time but not for us now. Just cos theres laws on the books doesnt mean everything is fixed up & okay.
Click to expand...
Kev,

I don't expect you and Nyjah to see eye to eye on anything. Same as me and Danny or Larry or SophiesDad always see eye to eye. So it's okay that Nyjah might answer this question in a different way from you. Same as Charlie. And the other young people here. No one expects you all to take the same position on, say, your favorite kind of ice cream. So why would guys expect you to always agree on whether or not it's okay to tell someone a kid down the street is being hurt? Everyone will have different opinions. Young or old, we are all individuals, right?

I'm glad to hear your opinions expressed. It's not wrong if you didn't want to report it. Or didn't want to get medical help. The reason I am asking Nyjah and Charlie about medical help is only because they both had operations related to their abuse. At least, that's what I think I saw in their postings. So maybe you wouldn't know about stuff like that. And it's okay?

I just wonder why the doctors and nurses didn't ask more questions about the abuse? That's the law in the United States. Maybe not the law where Charlie lives. (I don't know where he lives, do you?)

Anyhow, it sounds like I'm being nosy. I'm just wanting to hear from all of you. And I'm glad you've spoken up! But it's okay if Nyjah has a different opinion, right? And maybe Charlie too? And maybe Desvelar and some of the other young people? That's all--I'm just wondering what people think. Young or old, it's important to me. Okay?

Thanks so much, Kev!

Jasper
 
There appears to be an essence of trying to 'guilt' someone into acting when they are not in the emotionally stable place to do so. Please be careful in this. Everyone.
Click to expand...
Hello Leosha:

Honestly, I am not trying to guilt anyone into doing something they don't feel comfortable with. Maybe I'm snooping. Maybe I'm asking questions to which I don't have a right to an answer. But it was very painful for me to read about Charlie in the hospital for surgery related to his abuse. And it was very painful later to read about Nyjah apparently having the very same surgery. And I just wondered what all those doctors and nurses were doing. Were they asking the questions that here in the United States they are required to ask by law? Were they giving the support to these young boys that they should?

Or to put in bluntly, do they allow young boys to come into their operating rooms with obviously violent wounds of a sexual nature and not ask any questions at all?

In America today, this would indeed be shocking. And quite different from my own experience, even in a very "backward," rural health center. At least compared to big city doctors, my country doctor expressed a lot of concern and sympathy about my abuse. She was even prepared to do the mandatory reporting if necessary. And that's from someone coming foward at 50! I can only imagine her being even more patient and kind with a youngster like Nyjah, Charlie, or Kev? Or any of the other teenagers who now frequent this site.

Do you see what I mean? My question is as much to the young people as it is to the doctors and nurses caring for them. And their families. Naturally there may be different views in the families about how to proceed. I'm just wondering what happened here? Does that make sense?

Take care and thank you!

Jasper
 
Leave my sister out of this. It has nothing to do with her.
Click to expand...
Nyjah!

I am very, very sorry if you felt I was disrespecting your sister. I did not mean to show her any disrespect whatsoever.

I didn't even know about your sister until she posted messages in this forum when you were in the hospital. Did she mention that to you?

Anyhow, she seemed very concerned about you. And I was just curious how she felt about whether it was a good idea or a bad idea to report your abuse. But I meant no harm. And I apologize if I offended you.

Please take care of yourself, okay? And tell your sister "Hi!"

Jasper
 
Okay,

I just don't like my family being brought into this cos I'm trying to protect them from it. Like I don't want them dealing with it. We're cool, its okay. Just hit a nerve that you dind't realize was there.

It hurts her a lot that I was in the hospital cos she feels like she should have done something. but what? I didn't tell anyone.

I haven't told trinity all about it, i want to but I don't. I just told her I got hurt and was coming to this site. Showed her a little. She posted a bit about me being in the hosptial like making sure no one was worried about me. It upsets her and I don't want to upset her, I hate it when that happens and the people I love are hurt by it.

Ryan talked to me about pressing charges. He's her boyfriend. I just changed the subject real fast. I didn't want to talk about it. Ry wants me to but Trinity hasn't said anything about it.
 
Thanks, Nyjah!

I'm glad everything is cool between us. And I just hope that Kev, Charlie, Desvelar, Brandon, Benjammin13, and every other teenager feels the same.

Take care, bro!

Jasper :cool:
 
asper - This thread has obviously struck a major chord among us. But it's taking on a life of its own. There seems to be a 'bipartisan' feel to it. The older men here, most specifically you, seem to want to push the issue, seem to want to encourage the younger men, indeed boys, to report their abusers and take on all that comes with that, as if they didn't have enough to deal with already.

It is a good time to remind everyone here of a couple of things.

First off, most everyone here, was abused by someone older than they were at the time. Encouragement to these younger survivors might feel very much like coercion because it is coming from older men. Be careful of that. No one likes to feel that they are being led down a path that they know leads to something negative. Especially with the past we share. You will, hopefully, only get resistance from those who feel that way, especially from the younger survivors here.

Secondly, you are a man of 50 years old, give or take. You are much more emotionally mature than the young men you are addressing. You have had many years to process what happened to you when you were young. You've had the benefit of therapy and your PTSD group and friends you can talk to and Andy by your side and, most importantly, the comfort, for lack of a better word, that you will not have to come face to face with your abuser ever again. Yet somehow you seem to expect, despite your caveats to the contrary, these young men to take on a task too daunting for them to even comprehend.

There is no good answer to this, except for EVERYONE's answer. The masses have spoken, please let it alone. Otherwise, I fear you will put upon these amazing young survivors a burden that is not theirs, to try to protect others from their abusers. That burden belongs solely to the abusers themselves.

I hope we all can take a well deserved breath, realize that the most important thing for any and all of us to do is to take care of ourselves. Heal yourselves.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO TAKE CARE OF ANYONE ELSE!! IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO REPORT ANYONE FOR ANYTHING!! Our focus needs to be on healing and recovery for ourselves. If we ever feel strong enough to do for others, we will know when that time is and we will act then.
Peace to All - John
 
I just want to say thnx to everybody for being cool about this & tryinbg to understand how it is for us. i didnt post much cos its too raw for me & too soon. Im the one Ste meant when he said one kid just pressed charges against his abuser yesterday. Im really scared still & i dont even understand a lot of what i did yesterday - just a lot of papers & questions & serious looks & signing stuff. So its like too soon for me to talk about it.

Jasper & me are cool. Hes just interested & worried about us & i understand that.

Kev
 
Jasper,

You are correct about the mandated reporting. If a child (in the United States) enters a hospital for an operation that is the direct result of abuse or neglect of ANY type, a report MUST be filed. All 50 states require these reports. All reports are required to be investigated.

If any of these children here have been in the hospital for an operation due to their abuse, they will be, if they haven't already, questioned by law enforcement officials about their abuse.

I for one support you Jasper, I think it is silly that you should have to defend yourself against attacks on this one.

While I personally understand the distress that everyone here has undergone, I feel (this i my opinion of course) that everyone, including the children here, has a DUTY to report their abusers to law enforcement. However, I also understand that facing your abuser in court is difficult and may never be possible. But filing an anonymous report, or mailing a letter to the police or sheriff in your county or city giving them a heads up is the least that can be done to help law enforcement officials do their job. Child molesters are criminals, they MUST be stopped. Unfortunately someone has to be hurt before they can be stopped.

I am going to set up a form on my web site and will post the link here. The form can be used to supply your local law enforcement office with any information you want to give anonymously. No one will ever know who you are or where you are, but a report will be filed that is anonymous just to let the police know that X may be a paedophile. As soon as I get it up, I'll let you guys know. I hope you use it.

After doing the little bit of research that I have...I for one know that I fall within the statute of limitations for one of my abusers...I intend to contact a lawyer tonight about it and see what can be done. It's hard, scary and hurts...but it needs to stop.
 
As promised:

Here is a link to a tip reporting form. You can fill the form out anonymously if you want, no one will be able to find out who submitted the tip, even if I am served a search warrant for that information, it simply does not exist. I encourage everyone, even if you can't press criminal charges, to fill out and submit the form. It's easy to do and is the next best thing to pressing charges.

( the link has been removed while MS checks that proper legal procedures are being adhered to at this web site.
MS has at this time no affiliation to this site and cannot vouch for anything found there.
Lloydy. )
 
Zach,

Thank you for that form. It does not serve purpose for me, as my abuse occurred outside of the united States. But it could help a great number of people here.

Leosha
 
Thanks, Zach!

I hope that form works well. And I hope all the young people here use it. You don't have to go to court and face your perp there. But you have a choice (if you want) to at least alert the authorities. Does that make sense?

Also, I want people to understand that it was not my choice to sit around for 50 years, not saying anything about my abusive brother or the other man who molested me.

That married man who molested me? Like a fool, I told myself he loved me. That it was my first time, something to be proud of. Yeah, right! And it just so happened that he "loved" hundreds and hundreds of teenage boys (straight and gay)? And I suppose he loved them enough to lure them into his car with a six-pack and porno? Oh, that's real love, huh? But that's what I told myself all those years. It was not until I came to this site that I realized that I'd been abused by him. And when I finally recognized that, I did try to hunt him down. If I had to, I would have reported him to the authorities (through a form like Zach's, an anonymous call, or something, I'm not sure what). But the guy died in 1994. Ironically that was the same year my abusive brother died.

And what of my abusive brother? When did I start to recognize that something very, very wrong must have happened to me when I was growing up? The first time I even had an inkling of it was when I was watching a talk show about abuse many years ago. I realized then that those memories I had of "childhood play" were anything but!!!

Not long after that, I saw my brother at a family party. He looked really terrible at that point. He had been in and out of institutions many years. Spent years taking all kinds of heavy duty anti-psychotic medicines. But he kept talking about the past, all the happy things that went on when we were growing up.

But at some point he asked me a question. Then I looked at him and saw something in his eyes, something that gave me the chills. And I knew right then that he had hurt me. I didn't have all the memories but I knew!

So what happened? Well, I tried to see a therapist about it. I wanted to confront my brother but I wanted to do it in the right way. But the first therapist I saw was a jerk. He didn't seem to get it at all, that I waa talking about sexual abuse and that it was important to me. For reasons that I won't go into here, he literally kicked me and Andy out of his office, wouldn't work with us any longer. It was very strange. And therapists I've been to since don't understand it any better than I do.

So I was alone with just a snippet of memory and the belief that my older brother molested me. What did I do? Well, right then I stopped going to family parties. I was afraid I was going to blurt out the truth before I was ready to disclose.

Then a few months later, my brother died of a heart attack. And it was such a blow to my family, to my elderly mother especially, that I didn't dare say anything, not for a long time. Plus I wasn't sure exactly what to say. I didn't have most of my memories back. So then my Mom died.

And not long after, me and Andy were victimized by a crazy stalker. That lasted a year and it was one of the most terrifying times of my life. My doctor says it probably affected me even more because it reminded me of the abuse by my brother, all these "bad things" happening when I was alone. (Which is when the crazy stalker would start banging on the ceiling or placing endless hangup calls.)

Anyhow, it's just been since May that I was diagnosed with PTSD. Then in reading about PTSD, I saw something about many people with it having a history of childhood abuse and that's when it was like an emotional atom bomb going off. And here I sit now, amid the fallout!

So maybe I'm not a good judge of when or if guys should tell, especially young people.

Forgive this long post. It comes from the heart...

And the bottom line is this:

I WASN'T PLAYING GAMES FOR 50 YEARS.

MY MIND WAS PLAYING GAMES WITH ME.

So if I could have gotten to the "fire" sooner and gotten a few kids out, I would have. And maybe I sound like an alarmist for sounding the alarm. But I want to say over and over: "Save those kids! Save those kids! Save those kids now!"

I might sound like a 50-year-old fart. But most days I feel like a big baby. Like a 9 month old baby to be exact. A 9 month old baby who lost his innocence.

Take care guys. I got to see about getting some more help. I think I need it.

God bless!

Jasper
 
Correction on the earlier post on state statutes of limitations.

For CIVIL actions in CONNECTICUT the statute was amended in 2002 to 30 YEARS (not a typo) past the age of majority. You have until you turn 48 years of age to bring a civil suit for CSA against your perp in my state.

I filed a few weeks before I turned 48. One of the best decisions I ever made. The burden was shifted from me to where it has always belonged, the perp.

Hope this helps.

Zipser
 
Wow what a post.

I am not going to enter into the discussion. I would just like to give my support to everyone. That means Nyjah who does not want to prosecute and to Kev who is. For me you are both brave and doing what you need to do. I could not imagine what it is like for either of you or for anyone else for that matter. I offer you my support and say that what ever you feel is best for you is what is best for you.

A little note to the older guys. Remember that we are not teenagers anymore and we do not know what it is like to be one nowadays. We lived in a different time so be careful looking back and saying what we could have done. We (the older guys) are no longer in that position and do not understand how things have changed.

Again I offer my support to all of you what ever your situation is. I hope together we all become stronger.

Jonathan
 
Jasper,

I have no doubt you have a good heart, and meant well, but I can't help but wonder how this thread would have proceeded if it had been made by one of our younger members and it read something like this.

How would you have answered such a post?
Stop the Perps NOW--Older people, Advocate!

Maybe I've been really dumb. But it occurred to me just a short while ago that there are older people here who have it within their power to keep more young people from getting hurt.

It's too late for us. We already got hurt, maybe by one of the same people who hurt you. Imagine that for a second. The person who hurt you, the one you never reported hurt one of us.

So now that you're older and not the perp's type anymore, now that you're an adult and have all the privledges and freedoms that we younger people don't have, what are you doing to keep us safe?

Sorry, not us - it's too late for us. But according to the 2000 census, there were 32,919,334 males in the USA under age 16 five years ago. So if it's really one in six, that means there are 5,486,556 new victims since 2000. Wait make that 5,486,555, cause Dylan Groene got murdered after that guy was done with him.

Are you writing letters to the newspapers? Are you writing to your congressmen and senators and the Justice Department and District Attorneys and anyone else you can think of? Do you give money or time to organizations that are helping and trying to put an end to this? Do you do anything in your local community to make sure that the kids around you, the kids you see every day are safe?

What are you doing? You were not safe, and you got hurt. You didn't speak out, and how many years later was it before we were not safe and we got hurt?

I'm pretty sure there are people here in their teens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, and seventies. And the beat goes on. There must be doctors, lawyers, businessmen, truckers, cooks, maybe even a politician.

So now, I get to join this club too. Thanks a lot! Sorry if I sound bitter, but I'm just a kid. I can't vote, I can't drive, I can't work full time, I can't do half the stuff adults can do.

SO WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? IF IT'S REALLY ONE IN SIX WHO GETS HURT, IT MUST BE ONLY ONE IN THOUSANDS WHO HAS PROBLEMS WITH IT OR THINKS IT REALLY BAD, HUH?

And then they don't want to talk about it anyway. I guess I understand that. I guess I'll be the same way when I grow up. Maybe it will go away by itself. Or maybe some important politicians kid or billionaires kid will get hurt and then something will be done.

Maybe I'll just stay in Gaboogistan forever, cause NOBODY GETS HURT THERE.

A nation's (people's, SPECIES) greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members. ~ Mahatma Ghandi
Click to expand...
We have met the enemy, and he is us. - Walt Kelly (from Pogo)
 
Don, I have wrote to the national press, I have emailed TV channels who specify in these things, and I got no reply at all.

I asked one guy to run an awareness article in his newspaper with links to MS and other sites, I also offered to write it, no response, but it wont stop me exploring other avenues.

I asked another prominent paper read by the teaching profession to run an article specifically aimed at teachers, and got no response.

I think we all need to do our own little bit, because someone will come up with an ear that listens to such a worthy cause.

It is in the public interest, and the public are unaware of the reality of abuse, and how deep it really goes, but maybe they do not want to take that chance,

I will carry on,

ste
 
Jasper has asked that this post is edited out, which we are more than willing to do.

Jasper also wishes to extend apologies to anyone offended by his post.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top