Stop the Perps NOW--Young people, prosecute!

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Stop the Perps NOW--Young people, prosecute!
Hi Jasper, yeah, abuse is a dilemma whichever way up or down it is, I lived in fear from 10yo onwards of him coming to kill me and stuff.

No you are not to blame for all the other boys that came after you, but you sure feel like it at the time, I did, it raked me through Hell.

When I was just the little kid, I eyeballed every male who was in my space, and viewed them with suspicion, and I suppose that is one of the magnetic signs for other perps to seek me.

And dont forget it was OK for an adult to slap a kid who they didnt feel was OK with them, and I got a few knocks off adults, for being suspicious of them, and that made my mind feel that they too were perps.

If I look at the young guys in here, then I have found one thing in common, transparency.

A young guy can feel quite alone and alienated, because people who are much older find that they cannot reach out, because of their young age.

I find that I have to reach out regardless of age or whatever else, because it is my paternal instinct to do so, but in the process, they teach me so many things that I had long forgotten.

It taught me how beautiful a boys mind can be, and how creative they can be, something I lost down the line, but now I may be able to rescue some of it by listening to them.

I dont give them advice, but I can help them through some of their fears and feelings, and even if it hurts me to listen, I dont mind if I am helping them through.

ste
 
the whole idea of prosecuting him just seems like something in a movie. something that other people do. butnot me. im pretty damn sure that no one would listen or believe anything i had to say anyway. really, how can i prove it. i cant. yes my whole family knows, but none of them have done anything. and none of them seem all that concerned wtih my mental anguish anyway. would they support me? no. my mom let it happen. and she knew and still called me a liar to my face. we have talked about it several times. i know there is no way shed support me. my brother and sister would probably not support me either. my sister lives in her own reality. she wasnt abused by him so hes the greatest dad ever. they have a wonderful relationship. because he only likes little boys. theres a hallmark card in there someonwhere.

my brother went through it all too. and if we had a relationship maybe id ask him how he feels about it. but we dont. so i cant.

no one believes kids who dont have proof. and im not a kid anymore. no one would listen.

if there was a way of prosecuting him without having to see him or talk about it, id do it. if i could make some anonymous phone call and know hed be put in jail or shot, id do it. but i cant. and there is no guarantee that, if i did go through the whole process and tell my sickest secrets to a million strangers, that he would be convicted.

and part of my not wanting to do it is that i dont want to know the value of all my suffering. what ws it worth. ten years of being raped. what is that in prison time? a few months? probation? what am i worth. not much, legally, im sure. if i stumbled upon enough courage to do it and he got some sort of probation, or a few months in jail, or a year, how am i supposed to feel about that. it would destroy me.

and then everyone knows. i grew up in a small town. so suddenly im the boy who is causing all this crap, and for what. so my dad can spend a couple months in jail. and then i can walk around for the rest of my life with a tshirt saying 'my dad raped me' because everyone will already know anyway. and when i go to the store to buy some gum they can all stre and talk about me and my family and is he lying? did you hear the things he said about his father? and they can all hide their children from me because i might end up just like him.

sure maybe it wouldnt be that bad. but maybe it would. there are so many possibilities. and i cant face them. i know i should. morally. for all the little boys i see in malls and parks, just being kids and playing, for all of those kids i should tell someone. because they might be next. or it might have already happened.

so i have all these feelings. and what am i supposed to do with them. im screwed if i do, im screwed if i dont.
 
Puppy,

You do what is best for you. That's the best advice. Go after him, don't go after him. You have to focus on yourself right now.
 
I appreciate the enthusiasm and want for justice that prompted this thread. I wish to also say it can put a LOT of pressure on people to so strongly 'suggest' they prosecute.

(Parts of this below may be trigger.)

I have been pushed to do legal action by someone here. I am not a 'youngster' I suppose, I am in my 20s. My two friends from the same country who post here are 19 and 26. Any of us are still in the age in our country where we could attempt to prosecute. A person needs to be READY to take such action. Being young enough to do it does not constitute 'ready'.

Certain circumstances last year pushed me into making a police statement against my main sexual offender. As did another friend who posts here, and another person who does not. Three people 'coming forward' in about a week with complaints against the same man. Should have prompted investigation, yes? And reportedly it did. None of us heard nothing, although at one point I was told by someone I know they had been asked about his knowledge of this man. It gave me positive feelings for whatever the outcome would be. But at the same time, I was not at all ready for this, and the emotional repercussions of the action, and it pushed me back emotionally for several months. I continually had fears and panick of this becoming public, of people knowing this about me (and yes, I know it is not my shame and all that; but I am someone who has want and need for privacy, and this would have quite killed that). Oh, and after six months, when I was in my home country again, they said they could not 'discuss an ongoing investigation'. Earlier this year, when my friend was back in our home country again, he asked about it, and the answer was basically 'um, what? What are you talking about?' Apparantly the 'investigation' has been rather misplaced. As the same thing can still at times happen to people in our country, we remain rather quiet of it right now.

I have three people who sexually abused me, outside of my parents. My one friend here, there were four who abused him (one is since passed away). My other friend here, again, several. It is quite hard to imagine trying to go through the stresses of making reports against all those people, and perhaps, as with our first effort, have it turn out as nothing.

(Another case with bigger triggers below. Details shared with permission of those involved.)

My two other friends who post here, they shared one abuser in commen, simply in coincidence. For one it was a one-time issue, for the other it occurred over many years. This man, after engaging in some stalking behavior, finally had first one, then both of these people make statements against him based on his past activities. He will be in court on trial in September. Not for child abuse. For murdering three teenage boys (three that can be proven) and keeping 'souvenirs' of them. Both of these people have been asked to testify in court, to attest to the violence and torture that this man most likely inflicted on these boys. At least one of them will have to. Both are terrified, and again, very concerned of very private issues becoming public before either is ready.

Yes, it is a powerful thing that the younger members here, even up to possibly age 30 in some cases, have the element of pressing charges at their advantage. However, the power to do that is taken away when you are pressured to act when you are not ready to do it safely. The person who tried to push me to do this before I was ready, he is a good, decent man, one I call friend here. But our friendship was almost lost due to the pressure I felt was being put on me, until we were able to talk about it.

For those who are older here, or whose perpetrators are dead now perhaps, who feel they missed their chance to take legal action, I am sure it is a wonderful thing to think the children and other younger members here still DO have that chance. And it is perhaps hard to not want them to do it. But it must be THEIR choice, when THEY are ready. No one here can heal vicariously through another. If every child, young adult, every person here under age 30 was to prosecute every one of their abusers, child sexual abuse of both boys and girls will still happen. Public executions did not stop crime. Legal consequences do not stop crime. I fear it is dangerous to (maybe unconsciously) wish to use younger victims of this crime to 'stop' these things from happening. It will not stop it, it may make a statement, but whatever words the action speaks, they must be those prepared to be dealt with by the person.

I'm sorry to go on so long here, but the issue greatly triggered my emotions and personal (very) strong feelings, as you can see. I guess the whole of what I am trying to say is please do not harm those already victimized by adding pressure and expectations on their healing.

Leosha
 
I wish to also say it can put a LOT of pressure on people to so strongly 'suggest' they prosecute.
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Leosha:

I am so sorry if I caused you or anyone else pain by bringing this subject up. I do not want any survivor to feel pain over his decision to prosecute or not prosecute.

Like I said, this all came up because of a visit to the doctor the other day. I realized that if I had been a youngster (like Nyjah, Kevin, Charlie, etc.) then here in the United States, she would have no choice but to report suspected abuse to the authorities. Likewise, if my abusive brother was still alive, she would have been forced by law to report it to the authorities. Why? Because the law would say that he could still be a danger to others. The same would have been true if my brother had a family (which he did not). The doctor would have been forced to report it to the police, despite my wishes, because it would be possible that one or more of my brother's children (if he had any) could have been abused.

The law is very different today. And I am not really trying to seek vicarious justice through any of the young people here. But Nyjah, for example, was hospitalized because of the abuse (as I understand from his postings). The doctors would have been forced by law to report that suspected abuse to the police. So the police apparently were called in. I'm just curious how Nyjah handled that. If he doesn't mind sharing. And I imagine the same is true with Kev, Charlie, BenJammin13 or whoever. Do you see my point?

Whether we like it or not, the police must now get involved in these matters. So I'm just wondering what happened when people talked to the police. Were they helpful? Did they explain things to your families? Did you feel you could trust them? Did they talk about arresting any of these perps?

Again, I am so sorry if this causes any pain. I can't say what I would do today because the laws are so different. But because the laws are so different, that's what got me curious about the status of some of these perps.

Does that make sense?

Thanks, Leosha for your understanding. And I am most sorry if I caused you or anyone else pain.

Take care,

Jasper
 
Im twenty, and i was abused at five. I think a lot about what happened, and what I want to do about it.

Now, some might not agree with this, but here it is: I moved away from my home town 10 years later, and my parents are moving back in a year or two. The police I have spoken to say that I have to go to my hometown police to report this, so Im gonna wait. In the 9 months since remembering what happened, the details have slowly come back to me. If i go to the cops I want to be able to go through it all without breaking down again.

The one thing Im not sure about is whether or not Ill go to court. I am being treated for schizophrenia, and my shrink seems to think it would be too stressful for me to face a defence lawyer(the reason why schizophrenics sometimes hear voices is because of stress).

I dunno, everyone seems to go about it their own way. Maybe us younger survivors should take our time. If we KNOW that our abuser is continuing to go after kids then we should think about action.

Times they are a'changin, lets see where the future takes us.
 
This thread is sure picking up momentum, and I suppose it would do.

We all sing from the same hymn book here, that perps should be prosecuted and jailed.

Police are not helpful, they are intimidating to kids, how could they not be?

Kids are not like adults, they have a lot of fears instilled in them, that says tone down the event.

I remember when it happened to me, and all I wanted to do was to bath this filth off my body.

My father was absolutely ballistic, so we went straight to the police station, and they make me look at pictures, and I think, whoa, how many of them are out there!

I could not go through those photographs and it possibly gave me more nightmares to look at them, but I thought as a child, that thousands of these beasts were in the area where I lived, but dont forget I was only a kid.

I toned down the statement to the police to protect my fathers feelings, and that too is a guilt trip.

My father was only there as part of the interview, but I thought that if I told the truth he would get to know what really happened.

Perps know that most boys will just live in silence, because they are manipulative of them, and their age is always against them, I wish I could be their advocate, and I sure hope other young guys get the justice they deserve.

The analogy is always this, an abused boy or girl, will live a life sentence in their own prison, the perp might get a few years for what they get caught for, but how many lives have they taken before they get caught.

Therapy is cool, but you have to beg for it, or at least in my country, it is not offered at source, and how many abused kids seek it for fear of being classed at mentally unstable!

I remember my dad saying that I have to see a psychiatrist, wow, that is really cool to a kid, when it was not his fault, but the problems that arose from my own abuse made me a freak in my own family.

OK daddy, you think I am mad, and you think I need a shrink, and at such a young age I thought, whoa, why is it all my fault.

No wonder I ran away so much, and hid from everyone, and I only got to know me since I came here, and found that I am not so mad after all.

ste
 
This is a delicate subject, and one that will surely bring forth very mixed views.

I'm 52yo and have never seriously entertained bringing prosecutions against any of my abusers.
The oldest, the teacher, is probably dead by now. And the two ringleader older boys are about 54 - 55 yo now.
I only disclosed in 1999 and the abuse ended in 1968, so the statute of limitations was up anyway.

But I doubt very much that I would have gone to the law anyway.
I feared the stress involved much more than the possible result, I'd seen perp's walking when cases collapsed from 'lack of evidence'. How much evidence can we provide years down the line? none, it's a flat out argument between lawyers, and we've seen what expensive lawyers can do haven't we?

But I do feel bad that I know both of the older boys were / are still sexually active in dubious ways. I live in the area I grew up in as they still do, and I now have good contacts to find out such things.
Would that knowledge have made much difference to my choice to stay silent? none at all - however hard that sounds.

I made my choice on purely selfish grounds, I came first, and I still do.
If I have any 'efforts' spare then I do use them for others, which is why I find myself here and at Axis helping survivors in any way I can, but it's NEVER at my expense.

And I refuse to allow myself to guilty or weak for not chasing them through our legal system.

Dave
 
I took the liberty to compile a list of statutes of limitations for criminal cases (only) involving the sexual abuse of children.

You might be surprised that even though your 40 you can still prosecute!

Disclaimer: This is NOT legal advice! Consult a licensed attorney in your state for accurate information.

Definitions:
-Statute of limitations: a certain amount of time set by law that a person has to bring civil and/or criminal cases to justice. When they "expire" no cases can be brought forth.
-Tolling: allowing "extra" time for children victims of crime

Note: Some states have exceptions to the following laws. Depending on your specific situation you may fall under these exceptions. If you have questions, corrections or want help finding an attorney in your state let me know and I will be glad to help you.

If anyone is interested in civil statutes let me know and I can post them too :)

ALABAMA
none

ALASKA
1st or 2nd degree - none | 3rd - 10 years

ARIZONA
7 years

ARKANSAS
6 years

CALIFORNIA
aggrivated - none | non-agrivated 6 years

COLORADO
10 years

CONNECTICUT
5 years

DELAWARE
1st degree - none | lesser degree - 5 years

DC
6 years

FLORIDA
1st degree - 4 years

GEORGIA
15 years

HAWAII
1st degree - 6 years | 2nd & 3rd - 3 years

IDAHO
none

ILLINOIS
10 years (note: must have reported offense to law enforcement within 2 years of commission of offense)

INDIANA
Class A - none | Class B - 5 years

IOWA
1st, 2nd & 3rd - 10 years

KANSAS
5 years

KENTUCKY
none

LOUISIANA
agrivated - none | forcible - 10 years | simple - 4 years

MAINE
6 years

MARYLAND
none

MASSACHUSETTS
15 years

MICHIGAN
6 years

MINNESOTA
9 years (note: if victim fails to report offense within limitation period, prosecution must start within 3 years of reporting offense.)

MISSISSIPPI
none | sexual battery - 2 years

MISSOURI
none | sexual assault - 3 years

MONTANA
10 years

NEBRASKA
7 years

NEVADA
4 years (note: there is no limitation if offense is reported to law enforcement within the 4 year period.)

NEW HAMPSHIRE
6 years

NEW JERSEY
sexual assault - none | aggrivated sexual conduct - 5 years

NEW MEXICO
1st - none | 2nd - 6 years | 3rd & 4th - 5 years

NEW YORK
5 years

NORTH CAROLINA
none

NORTH DAKOTA
3 years

OHIO
20 years

OKLAHOMA
7 years

OREGON
6 years

PENNSYLVANIA
5 years

RHODE ISLAND
1st - none | lesser - 3 years

SOUTH CAROLINA
none

SOUTH DAKOTA
7 years

TENNESSEE
aggrivated - 15 years | 8 years | sexual battery - 2 years

TEXAS
7 years

UTAH
4 years

VERMONT
aggrivated - none | 6 years

VIRGINIA
none

WASHINGTON
10 years (note: must be reported to law enforcement within 1 year)

WEST VIRGINIA
none

WISCONSIN
6 years

WYOMING
none
 
We all sing from the same hymn book here, that perps should be prosecuted and jailed.
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Hello ste:

Now I really feel dumb! I made it seem as if the only option was between prosecuting and not prosecuting. But nowadays, here in the states anyhow, there are a lot more possibilities.

A child's parent can pick up the phone and call social services if they are really worried about what might be happening to a friend down the street? Or what might be happening to a boy at school? And even kids, if they are very brave, can also call someone just to tell them they are worried about a friend.

As I said, so much has changed since the "dark ages" when many of us were abused. Nowadays, authorities have to investigate credible claims of abuse no matter what. Does that mean a child will be forced into court to take the witness stand? Not necessarily.

Sometimes simply alerting the authorities to watch out for a serial molester is enough.

But suppose a child escapes a burning building? Is it more important for that child to vent his feelings by writing a poem about the flames, the possessions lost, the trauma of it all? Or is it ever permissable for a grownup to say, "Honey, you're safe now. We'll take care of you. But can you please tell us something. Are there any more kids trapped inside?"

If I'm being unfair to the young people here, I apologize. But for so long, I have heard them all say pretty much the same thing. "You grownups never listen to us."

Now, on an important subject, so few have expressed an opinion. And that baffles me.

Have we really let them down in some way? Are we and others not doing enough to empower them to report?

It's just a question. Like I said, there's no right answer. But I do hope some more of the young people might respond.

Thanks all for caring so passionately, whatever your viewpoint.

All the best to you!

Jasper
 
I - not the young man, I - age of 26 years. I shall speak in court that one person do to me soon. I find now when yes, to speak, it should find our own power again.

But it is the most fair, I speak, that I am rather afraid to make it. I - with the obligation, I have told, that I shall be, which - all certainly. But I am afraid of it very much. I am afraid of effects which it will have on my life, and I know, that there will be the some people. I am not afraid of that happens with that man. That man, he is rather malicious and broken, and his life, I think finished when all over again he choose to harm to children. I have no anxiety for him. But for me. He will go to prison, it is possible for a life, possible he will receive the offer to die. But again, what from me? I shall be the set questions of me directly, my own behavior and actions. This man, he selects me because me then I am 15 years age, living alone and doing sexual things for money. It - not actions, which I wish my friends and familiars to know about me. It - not things which I wish that my sister knew about me. And still, after that, they will be. How my life will change from this? How people will think different of me? He is least important from problems. It is of great importance to me, that he really goes to prison. But I do not know, that I only would like to oppose him if it had my own choice of time. And as I speak, I - not the child, I am the adult. All this still - the reason of fear to me. I know, that I have some friends, very close who will support me with it. I am mainly confident, that my sister will be. Who - or in my life or in the world, I have no ideas, that they will think, and it frightens me.

It can be power. It can be also fear. I think right now for me, it - both.

VN
 
Thanks, Dave, for expressing your opinions. As I've said a few times now and I will say again, there is no right or wrong answer here. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! You did what you needed to do up to this point in order to survive. We all have. The only question is: Is it possible for us, at this point, to consider dropping a dime on someone who may be hurting someone else? (Sorry, I gave away my age there. I guess instead of dropping a dime, it should be 50 cents--that is if you can find a payphone.) But I think you get my point.

Zach,

I can't thank you enough for providing those statutes of limitations for various states. Hooray for the states that have no limitations!!!

And please, all the young people here, do not misunderstand. It is not your fault if you never decide to report that a crime was committed against your person. I am only asking if it is possible, just possible, that there is someone you can alert now to be on the lookout for a serial molester?

Does any of this make sense?

Also, I love reading poems. For me, writing poems and stories was a very constructive way to channel all my unhappiness when I was growing up. So I don't mean to suggest that's not important.

But to save a child from hurt? To me, that is doing the work of the angels!

Goodnight and God Bless,

Jasper
 
I coulnd't do it, I don't want to. I'm just being honest. My stomach hurts and I cry, I can't do it. I cant' even think about it, brings up too much stuff.
 
Jasper, I cannot voice my true opinion here, because I was so young and innocent when this happened to me, and I lost all thought of rational thinking.

Not being able to think rationally as an adult, can be such a disabling condition, and It can mean that I can possibly be misunderstood as I was as a child.

When a child is abused, he tries to make sense of the hurt, he tries to make sense of why he was hurt, he tries to make sense of everything around him, and how his life and normal relationships can ever be the same as his peers.

He becomes detached from society even if it is only subtle, but he detaches from his normal approach to growing up and 'thriving' in society with all of this emotional baggage.

He learns to survive even though he carries the weight of his past, and his past can be a massive weight to carry, when he realises all of the normal relationships he should have been able to achieve, but were smashed through abuse.

An abused boy will ALWAYS BLAME HIMSELF, how could he not do!

When I was a kid, I just had to be away from everybody, cos, I got dragged around clinics and hospitals, and every doc I saw I thought, Ok, I am gonna tell you what the real trouble is.

I felt like something that can never be fixed, but how can you fix a broken childhood, I dont know if there is an answer, but I dont think there is.

What happened to me was never my fault, and it caused me deep mental trauma, and it made me feel alien in my family, because it made me feel like it was my fault.

I did not get so much support except from my dad.

Maybe I write a real triggering post here, where the kid (Me) felt so vulnerable with no way out.

I have to get through tho, to the other side of feeling that it was my fault, and it is not easy,

ste
 
Nyjah,

You are very wise beyond your years. Unfortunately, some of that is because your innocence was stolen from you.

But when you recently were admitted to the hospital for major surgery related to your abuse, did the doctors not ask you questions? They are supposed to be watching out for these things. And if they did ask you questions, did you have to lie? Did your sister have to lie too?

I'm sorry if I sound nosy. Like I said, I am now a 50 year old man. And my abuse happened a very long time ago. But even when I go to see the doctor, she asks me questions about the abuse and the person who abused me. Because my older brother is dead, it doesn't matter.

But because you had 5 abusers, I'm just wondering if any of them might be hurting other kids. Do you understand?

Whatever you decide, it's not your fault. I just don't want to see any more kids hurt. Does that make sense?

Thanks for your response. I really appreciate it.

Jasper

P.S. What happened to you is not your fault!!!
 
Jasper-I understand. But I just can't do it. Could you bring your abuser to court at 13?
 
VN,

You are very courageous!

Thank you for helping all of us to follow your brave example.

Good wishes,

Jasper
 
Jasper,

I know your just concerned about us & stuff but its not fair to push Nyjah on this one.

A lot of doctors know that if a r- kid figures hes gonna have to talk to cops about it he may wait til hes almost dead to come in & say hes hurt. Charlie almost didnt make it cos of that, & I never went to a doctor cos of that. I just went to friends of my parents & they cleaned me up & held me while I cried & told them what happened. I didnt even tell my Dad til this spring. I was too scared & too ashamed; my abuser told me for 4 years that nobody would believe me.

I don't get why grownups understand all this stuff for their own time but not for us now. Just cos theres laws on the books doesnt mean everything is fixed up & okay.

Kev
 
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