state of confusion

[deck]

I don't know why it is that I hate being by myself right now. It seems so difficult. Right now I seem to do better with small groups. Just a few people. (With big groups, I just melt into the wall). When Im by myself Im trying to figure out something out but I don't know what. But then it also seems the larger the group, the more alone I feel. Everything seems so jumbled.

 

[Brian]

deck,

I'm sorry that you are going through a difficult time right now. Try not to beat yourself up; it will come to you when you are ready. Take care of yourself.

Recovery is Possible!

Brian

 

[markgreyblue]

deck,

yes - keep faith in yourself -
i am not a particular fan of big groups.

i think have faith in yourself - that your self observation is at least a step in healing.

some people are best one on one -
some in small groups

some get total anxiety attacks in big groups

i am seeing things about myself that i don't particularly like tonight -

and so i am responding to this note -

it can feel a little scary to feel - you don't like something about yourself - maybe like something you wish to change or manage

what does it mean and such -

but i think in some senses - better i do know than not - and

maybe - well - what can i do about this?

with the knowledge at least you can have the opportunity to own - it -

and maybe decide to talk to someone about it -

you made that start already! by posting here

well done!

peace deck - mgb

 

[deck]

Thanks guys.. I'm trying to.. things just seem so lonely...and I hate it...I really think taht at somepoint I could figure this $h!t out. I feel like I'm a failure. That everything is falling apart. And there was never that much together anyway. how could any woman ever want me? how can I expect that? how could they ever think of me as a man?

Sometimes I think Im doing so well-that anything is possible, then other times (most of the time) it's just crash and burn.

 

[markgreyblue]

i hear you very much deck. i hope you are with a t - or just come here and keep chatting -

about all - learn about yourself - and you will see - that you are very valueable -

i hear you about being lonely.

come here and chat.

 

[hopela71]

I have just found out because of someone close to me that I was beat and made to do things by my father that no child should ever have had done to them. My mother knew and did nothing.I have never been able to be intimate with anyone emotionally. I feel like I am the only one that has gone through this.I understand now why I react to things like I do. It is very scary and I feel alone and terrified.Anytime someone comes close to me I feel they want something that is bad. It really sucks to live life like this.